


You Are Another Mystery I Am Missing

by InvisibleRaven



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Closeted Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, M/M, dumb boys are oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-08-10 20:12:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 53,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7859560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvisibleRaven/pseuds/InvisibleRaven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris and Darren were childhood sweethearts ripped apart when Darren's family moved. Now after the death of Chris' mother, they reunite and the feelings that drove them to have a pretend wedding at age four are still there. But Darren's famous and in the closet, and Chris is in denial about so many things. How can they ever find their way back to each other?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **WARNING:** This is an AU but it does start immediately following the death of Chris' mother. If you are offended by that, find it in poor taste or it's just not your cup of tea, then pass on by. 
> 
> Thanks to Lindsey [controlofwhatido](http://controlofwhatido.tumblr.com/) for running the CCBB again this year, and for the word wars which were a big help in getting this thing knocked out.  
> A HUGE thanks to my beta, Bee [drosophilase](http://drosophilase.tumblr.com/) for making sure this thing flowed correctly and was not full of spelling and grammar mistakes.  
> Another huge thank you to TK, the artist who made an amazingly adorable piece of art for this fic which can be found [here](http://radiantelester.tumblr.com/post/149423915743/art-for-invisibleraven-s-fic-you-are-another)  
> This is the first time I’ve ever had fan art for one of my fics and this just makes me squee every time I see it! 
> 
> Finally, I have to thank Jen [froggydarren](http://froggydarren.tumblr.com/) for being my constant comfort and support, my eternal cheerleader. For putting up with my wedding brain, for trading headcanons and meta and always being there, even just to talk when I needed her. I don't know what I would do without you hun, you're one of my best friends, the other half of my brain and I love you so much. This is for you. <3

Chris watched as the last of the mourners pulled away from the house and let out almost a sigh of relief. Not that he wasn’t grateful for all their kind words or stories or even casseroles, but after the funeral all he really wanted was to be alone with his grief. Hannah had gone to lie down an hour ago, Grandma had left an hour in, claiming she just could not bear it any longer and it was not becoming for a woman her age to break down in public. His dad-- well, his dad was just numbly sitting on the couch as he had been since they left the graveyard. Chris had to be the strong one, the one who stood straight-backed and thanked everyone for coming, the one who held it all together despite the fact that his world was falling apart around him. 

He patted his father’s shoulder, not even bothering to try and urge him to eat, knowing it would be a fruitless endeavour. Instead he slumped up to his room and shut the door behind him, shucking his suit jacket and tugged off his tie. He kicked his shoes off behind him and then fell forward onto the bed, letting the tears that he’d been holding in all day come out. Only this time there’d be no Mom coming in to sweep his bangs off his head and hug him. No Mom to tell him it would all be okay, to sneak him ice cream before dinner to make it all better. Just...no Mom. 

Chris let his tears stain the bed sheets beneath him, let himself shake and heave as his nose ran and face became flushed. He could care less about how he was going to have to scrub snot stains out of his one good dress shirt before he could use it again. All he cared about was letting himself mourn, wishing so much for it to not be true, that his Mom was still with them, laughing in the kitchen or planting in the garden. Still cutting out every article he wrote to scrapbook along with his first grade drawings and senior high report cards. Still there to hold Hannah’s hand when she was in the hospital, knit with his Grandma, enjoy a movie with his Dad. But she wasn’t, she was just...gone. 

Weeks later the pain was still fresh but pushed under the surface, and Chris had returned to Fresno to report for the local paper. Everyone was still tentative around him, almost tiptoeing past his cubicle and some asking how he was, but most of his co-workers gave him a wide berth. Which was good because it looked like he’d be spending his weekend in Clovis again. Hannah had gone back to school, and he just couldn’t bear to leave his dad alone. Tim had been very slow to recover from Karyn’s death, just now considering going back to work, living off food neighbors donated or that his mother in law had left stocked in the freezer. Chris had gone back every weekend to make sure his father was eating, try to get him out of the house, some fresh air into his lungs. 

However, when Chris came home that weekend, he did not expect to find the living room crowded with boxes. Each filled with his mother’s things and marked with a purpose; to donate, for Christopher, for Hannah, trash, storage. On and on the labels went, and Chris whirled around, noticing how empty the house seemed without his mother’s possessions taking up space. 

“Hello Christopher,” his father said, looking decidedly less sullen than he had been, but still exhausted by both lack of sleep and his own grief. “I was packing up some things...it was too hard to have them around. Your grandmother has already laid claim to anything she wished to hold onto, and I put aside what I felt you would like, but of course you’re welcome to go through these boxes and take anything else. I thought about leaving the house but...I felt like I couldn’t do that. I just can’t be surrounded by her memory any longer. I need to start living again and I can’t do that with her everywhere in this house.”

Chris wrapped his father up in a hug, both men letting their tears go for just a minute, hastily wiping them away as they separated. He sat and started looking through the box labelled for him. A few of his mother’s scarves, still laced with her perfume. A few picture frames of the family starting with his parents holding him as a newborn and up to his high school graduation. The various unfinished scrapbooks his mother had been making for him, each dated with a year of his life. Then at the bottom was a book he had obviously made himself, his childish print in various Crayola colors across the front spelling out: Chris and Darren. He was curious as to who the heck Darren was, maybe an imaginary friend? But when he opened it up there was a picture of him in all his freckled, chubby cheeked glory grinning beside another boy, just as chubby with a head of dark curls and a bright smile. The book was filled with pictures of the two of them, some he drew, some their parents must have taken. Shots of them in the park, making snowmen during the winter, covered with flour and chocolate smeared around their mouths. 

This boy, this _Darren_ must have been his best friend at some point, but they both looked so young, he could not remember him. Also all the pictures seemed to be centered around them at age four, nothing older than that, so they must not have been friends for very long. The very last page showed an address in San Francisco, written in a cursive script for a Criss family. _Darren Criss_... The name sounded ever so familiar but his memory continued to come up blank. “Dad?” he questioned. “Do you remember this kid?” 

Tim peered at the picture of the two smiling boys and he smiled too, the first one Chris had seen since his mother had passed. “Oh yes! That’s...Darryl? No, Darren! You two were inseparable when you were four, shadowed one another everywhere. Devastated you when his family moved to San Francisco. You kept in touch for a bit, but once school got going you two grew apart. I think his mom sent us Christmas cards for awhile, but that fell off around the time you were in elementary school, which was a pity. Your mom really liked Cerina, maybe I should look them up, let her know…”

“I’ll do it Dad. I’d like to find out what happened to Darren actually, it looks like we were good friends and I could use a good friend right about now. Maybe we could meet up, see if we could recapture that childhood friendship,” Chris replied, looking warmly at the grinning pictures of them.

Tim laughed at that, the abrupt sound out of place in the empty house. “I hope not! You two swore up and down that you would get married some day! I am not quite ready to gain a son-in-law yet.” 

Chris could feel himself blush, but smiled at his father who was walking away muttering about how this would make an amusing wedding toast nevertheless. Chris took out his phone and Googled Darren Criss, finding a very handsome man with the same crinkle-eyed smile who apparently had an extensive list of acting credits in both movies and on stage. Nothing Chris had seen or heard of, but all the reviews seemed very favorable. Well Chris supposed that was a no to the reconnecting with the man, but he did so wish that he could remember their time spent together. A quick search of Whitepages found that the address for the Criss family in the back of the scrapbook was still theirs. Chris’s heart started pounding at the phone number listed underneath. He scrambled for his phone and dialed before he could second-guess himself. 

“Hello Criss residence, Cerina speaking.” A warm voice filled the line, and Chris was hit by a flood of memories.  
~

Cerina smiled as the knocking on the door sounded, already knowing who it was. “Hello _syota_ ,” she said to Chris as she let him in, enveloping the young boy in a hug as he barrelled into the house. “Darren’s still asleep, the little sleepyhead. How about you help me make him some breakfast and then you can go jump on his lazy bones to wake him up?”

They made pancakes together, chatting quietly, discussing how excited Chris was to be getting a baby sister. How Chuck would have to give him pointers on being a good big brother. The boys plan to break out Darren’s new pack of sidewalk chalk before watching a Disney movie on VHS as long as Darren promised to sing along. Cerina giggled and told Chris it would be harder to get her boy to stop singing along. Once the batch was done, she urged Chris upstairs to wake her still sleeping son, smiling as he scrambled up the stairs. 

Chris slammed open the door to Darren’s room and leapt onto the bed. “Darren Darren Darren Darren Darren!” he hollered, bouncing at each exclamation of the name. “It’s time to wake up sleepyhead! Your mom and I made you pancakes and if you don’t get up I am going to eat them all! Then I’ll get sick and not be able to play and it will be all your fault!” 

Darren grumbled but was trying to hide a smile under the blankets. Honestly he had awoke long ago when the first batch of pancakes had hit the griddle but he loved it when Chris came and woke him up. His best friend was always a bundle of happiness and it brought out the joy that was always near to bursting out of Darren himself. “I’m up you goof. Now get off me so I can eat all your pancakes,” he said, tossing a pillow at Chris’ head, earning him a giggle and a pillow to the face right back. Cerina smiled at the commotion overhead, placing the pancakes in the warmer before covering her own helping in bananas.  
~

“Hello?” Cerina said over the line, and Chris shook himself from the wealth of memories that came over him. 

“Um yes hello, Mrs. Criss? You probably don’t remember me, but my name is Chris Colfer? I used to be friends with Darren many many years ago,” Chris started out only for her to interrupt him. 

“Christopher! Of course I remember you! I just recently was doing some spring cleaning and I found a bunch of pictures of the two of you boys, and I thought I should really look you up, see how your family was. I felt bad that I lost touch with your mother, so you must let me speak with her later,” Cerina exclaimed, and God, Chris had missed that voice. For a year of his life, this woman had been like a second mother to him, and now that he could recall her, he was so sad for all the time in which he hadn’t.

“Mrs. Criss…”

“Oh _syota_ , you can call me Cerina now, you’re all grown up, almost 25 now?” 

“Cerina...I’m actually calling because I found your information in some of my mother’s boxes. Honestly it’s been so long, but Dad told me you two were friends and that I should let you know that she passed a few weeks ago.” 

A sob ripped over the line, a cry over a woman she had not seen in over two decades, had not talked to in over half that time. But Chris could tell that Cerina was genuinely upset to hear this. “Oh my darling, I am so sorry. Please send my sympathies to your father as well.”

“Thank you,” Chris replied, wishing for more than just the memory of warm hugs that always smelled like spices and baking bread. “I actually found your address in the back of a book of pictures of me and Darren. I had kind of pushed them out of my memory, but hearing your voice... We were very close weren’t we?”

“The best of friends,” Cerina replied, her voice slightly watery still. “The two of you swore up and down that you would be married, even staged a pretend wedding in our backyard. I think I have pictures of it if you wanted them. You just call the next chance you have to visit San Francisco, and you can come have a chat and some tea. I’d love to talk to you my dear, and maybe I could even convince that wayward son of mine to come visit his mother for once.”

“I would love that. Maybe next weekend?” Chris replied, noting that his Dad had been listening in and motioned to the calendar where it showed he was going up to visit Hannah at school during that time.

“I’ll give Darren a call, but even if he’s too busy being a superstar, I would love to see you,” Cerina replied. 

“I’d love to see you too Mrs….Cerina.” Chris whispered, wishing her well before he hung up the phone. His father then slipped another picture into his hands, this one of Chris and a woman he knew to be Cerina sitting next to Darren who was being held by his own mother. 

“Take this to her, I think she’d really appreciate it. And tell her to give me a call, I miss her and Bill.” Tim said, ruffling Chris’ hair as he went off to rummage in the fridge to choose which casserole would be defrosted for that night’s meal.  
~

Darren wondered why he was being summoned home for the weekend by his mother. As far as he knew he wasn’t in trouble for anything, there was nothing in the tabloids about him that would cause her to worry, and he had been home not that long ago. ...Okay maybe it _had_ been a few months. He parked his rental next to an unfamiliar sedan, and hoped it was one of his mother’s friends over for tea and not one of his mom’s attempts to set him up again. He still remembered her trying to set him up with Mike, the nephew of a lady from work who was more interested in insulting the waitress than in him. And then left with the busboy, who had been dating the insulted waitress, which ended up in total disaster when Darren tried to console her. 

He entered the house, kicking off his shoes next to a worn pair of high tops, and called out “Ma! I’m home!” and followed her voice coming from the kitchen. 

“It looks like my wayward son is home _syota_ , I had best put some extra tea on for him while he goes back and puts his shoes on the mat _like the grown man he is!_ ” Cerina said, an unfamiliar chuckle echoing after. 

But it was the _syota_ that stopped Darren. His mother rarely spoke in Tagalog, but she had a special term of endearment for all of them and only them. He was _sinta_ (darling), Chuck was _pulot_ (honey). Even his dad was _mahal ko_ (my love). But _syota_ (sweetheart) was one she had only used for one person--Chris Colfer, the boy who had been his best friend and first love when they were small children. They had lost touch, but his mom shared her memories every so often when she got nostalgic and pulled out his picture albums. Darren always meant to look Chris up once more, laugh over their silly adventures, see if the most adorable little boy grew up to be the most handsome man.

Darren shook out his curls as he straightened out his shoes, then went back to the kitchen and was immediately ambushed by a hug by his mother. “ _Sinta!_ It has been far too long! Come in, I made tea biscuits and know you never eat enough. Oh, I’m not sure if you remember him but this is…”

“Chris,” Darren breathed out, finally taking in the boy-- now man-- that had been his world at age four. He quickly had to replace the chubby cheeked, freckle faced boy with floppy chestnut hair in his mind with this...spectacle. Tall and long limbed, and still pale as the driven snow except where freckles kissed his skin still. But now Chris was lean, sculpted with a swept-up hairstyle and a shy smile. His eyes remained the same, deep as both sea and sky, though now they were tinged with sadness and red-rimmed.

Chris for his part was trying his best not to let his jaw drop to the tabletop. Sure he had looked Darren up, but pictures could not do this man justice. He was still just as golden-skinned with ridiculous eyebrows and a beaming smile. But no picture could really capture the way his curls shone or his eyes resembled melted caramel. They could show how well he fit in his clothes but only the real thing could showcase how compact and tiny this man was, but in all the right ways. Or the way that he was literally eating Chris with his eyes. Chris blushed a little and then got up once Cerina had untangled herself. “Hi Darren,” he said, sticking his hand out. He should have expected the hug he got instead, the Criss family were always big with the affection, but it still took him for a bit of a loop. 

Cerina backed away slowly, fiddling with the tea kettle, pretending not to see the look of contentment on both boy’s faces as they shared their hug, lasting almost too long for two men who hadn’t seen one another for over twenty years. She had sworn to Bill that she wouldn’t meddle, but if she gave fate a helping push, then it wasn’t the same thing at all. She smiled at the picture of her, Karyn and the boys that Chris had presented her with, now in a frame and sitting on her windowsill. She made a silent promise to Karyn Colfer that she would look after her son, wishing that the woman could be here to smile with her over this reunion.  
~

It had been a bright, sunny day on the cusp of summer, the boys playing pretend Ninja Turtles in the Colfers’ backyard before the picture was taken. Chuck was explaining his latest science project to Bill while Tim flipped burgers. Karyn and Cerina were in the kitchen, stirring lemonade and making salads, smiling as the exclamations of various bad guys rang out through the heavy humid air. 

"Will those boys ever settle down?" Karyn wondered aloud, then rubbed her slightly distended stomach. "At least I know you will be less of a spitfire, Miss Hannah." 

Cerina chuckled, knowing her friend may be in for a surprise if Hannah turned out anything like that Willow girl Chuck had met in school. She was a righteous terror that had lead to some broken vases, some muddy carpet and a promise from Chuck that they would play at Willow's house or outside from then on in. Cerina was not blessed with daughters, but plenty of her son’s female classmates could keep pace with his mischief.

"Maybe when they're older, and apparently married to one another," Cerina replied, sharing a smile with Karyn. The boys had been friends for over a year now, and had proclaimed themselves best friends for life upon their meeting. A few months later, they had declared they would end up married, and Cerina recalled assuring Darren that yes, it was perfectly fine for two boys to get married. They had thrown together a pretend wedding not that long ago, though the boys had hugged at the end, because kissing was still gross. 

The mothers had had this talk before, always with laughter, but it caused Karyn to wonder...what if her precious baby did want to grow up and marry another man? She knew the world was not a kind place for gay people, and with the rising health threats, she worried. Yes she would love him regardless of how he chose to live his life, but a part of her would hope that he could escape the sting of homophobia. She had confessed as much to Cerina, who shared her worries, but both women concurred; they would always be there to protect and support their sons. 

As the sun was setting, the boys were curled up in their mother's laps, still chatting quietly, arguing over whose mom gave the better hugs. They of course, had to switch moms to find out for sure, all the adults trying their hardest not to laugh at their silly argument. When it was declared a draw, Tim took the picture, all beaming smiles and sleepy boys, wrapped up in the arms of the women who loved them.  
~

Darren and Chris sat down at the table munching on the food that Cerina had left, absently acknowledging the woman in question had slipped off, claiming she had an errand to run but would be back before Chris had to leave. Darren waved her off, and struck up the conversation first. "It has been so long man! What are you even doing here? Not that it's not great to see you, but after all this time?"

Chris' face took on a bit of a darker air at this, his eyes dropping to the table top. He then gestured to the slip of paper sitting in Cerina's place, a funeral program. But the face and name staring up at Darren were not one he ever thought he'd see. It was Karyn, Chris' mom, apparently passed on a few weeks ago. Darren dropped the paper, looking at Chris, fresh tears in both of their eyes. He knew he could apologize for Chris' loss, could ask all those questions you were supposed to ask, but he knew Chris had probably heard nothing but sympathetic platitudes for the past little bit. Instead he tugged him up and wrapped him in the warmest hug he could, stroking the fine hairs at the back of Chris' head as they both began to cry. 

Darren remembered days he spent coloring in the Colfer's kitchen, listening to Karyn sing off-key while he and Chris created art. He remembered her shy smiles and full-bellied laughs. the way she always smelled of flowers when she gave him the biggest hugs he'd ever known. But mostly, he remembered how much she loved not just Chris and Tim, but everyone. Himself included, and he would miss that love even if he hadn't experienced it in so many years. 

Chris could feel the sobs just pouring out of him, finally giving himself a chance to cry unrestrained for the first time in weeks. He had tried to be brave, be strong for his family, and he could never really bring himself to break down alone. But Darren? Even as children, Darren had been a safe space for him, a place where he never worried about being judged for his feelings. Darren had been his rock, and when he felt weak or sad or just frustrated Darren had made him stronger, able to face the world because he knew he wasn't alone. Whether climbing would lead to skinned knees or a triumphant yell, he always knew Darren would be there with him either way.

Eventually they broke apart, swiping tissues under their eyes, smiling ever so hesitantly at one another. "Thanks," Chris whispered, his voice slightly rough from his crying jag. "I really needed that." 

"Anytime," Darren whispered back, taking a long sip of his cooling tea. "Okay, aside from this terrible news, please tell me all that I've missed in the last twenty years. I have missed you man, even if I had forgotten how much until you waltzed back into my life." 

Chris sniffled and gave a watery laugh. "I missed you too. Even if it took me losing my mom to remember how much." He waved a hand at Darren's dismayed face. "It's okay, I always did have a dark sense of humour. Better to laugh and look at this little bright side. But my life...has been okay. I got my degree in journalism from Fresno State. I'm working in Fresno at the local paper there, I get to write about local events and sometimes I moonlight on the advice column. I actually really enjoy it, writing."

Chris lit up when he mentioned writing, Darren noticed, and even though he knew it wasn't his place, he always did seem to suffer from foot in mouth disease and asked, "Do you write any of your own stuff? Like outside of minor traffic accidents and cleaning tips."

The blush that lit up Chris' face was all the answer Darren needed, but he did reply modestly, "I mean I've got some ideas I've been toying around with, but it's just for fun. Maybe one day I'll get around to finishing it and seeing about getting it published, but for now it's just a hobby. And no, before you ask, you cannot read it. Not yet anyway."

Darren gave an ‘oh darn’ gesture before urging Chris to talk a bit more, about his life, school, anything. “Oh well, not the best student nor the most popular one either, but that’s what happens when you live in Small Town, USA. It’s usually filled with small minded people who feel the need to pick on those who differ from them, especially when that difference is in terms of their sexuality.” At this, Chris glanced at Darren, wondering if he would say anything. Sure, he knew that Darren had grown up here in probably the most gay-friendly city and by amazingly accepting parents, but that meant nothing. It wasn’t like Chris went around waving the rainbow flag, but he knew he read gay and thus far had encountered mostly negativity from those assuming. 

Darren could see Chris’ hesitance, his pause, like he was expected to be chased out of the house with a cross and some hate speech. “That’s such bullshit man. I mean, we’re in the twenty-first century, you think people would learn some common decency. And that love is love.” At Chris’ surprised look, he smiled. “I’ve been fighting for LBGT rights too, using this fame of mine to do some good in the world. In talks to even play a gay character, but it’s not set in stone so don’t go and like, blab it to the internet.” 

“As long as you try to ensure he’s not another tired stereotype, I’ll keep my mouth shut. But I want to know what lead you to becoming Mr. Hollywood!” 

“Oh, I blame Aladdin. Wanted to be the Genie, and then when I found out he was fictional I wanted to be Robin Williams. So I got through high school, not a great student either, but I did okay. Then off to UMich for acting, then to LA for some shows, a movie or two. Did a couple stints on Broadway taking over lead roles but never could land an originating. Now I’m waiting for my next big break. Not household name famous by any means but I’m growing in popularity, trying to get my name out there, see if I can snag me a shiny gold statue one of these days.” Darren shrugged, humble about what he had accomplished. “Doubt I’ll ever get one, but I’m doing what I love for as long as I can.”

“Oh! I brought this along, your mom gave me some more pictures to put in it, and I figured you might want to take a look.” Chris said, pulling out a book with gusto, wanting to dispel the air of gloom and doubt that had descended. It was a scrapbook of well...them. Pictures their parents had taken or that they had drawn. The last few pages were newer, his mother’s handwriting all over them. Pictures of both of their families, and then, the two boys stood before Tim, their hands held, in their Sunday best while their mothers threw petals overhead. Below the picture was a Ziploc baggie with two plastic rings inside it, some relic from a dispenser at the mall, shaped like Ninja Turtle faces but with the print long worn off.

“Our wedding rings,” Darren said mirthfully. “Didn’t even realize Ma kept all this stuff. More so I can’t believe we had a pretend wedding. We were weird kids.” 

Chris smiled, but he didn’t think they were weird, just so devoted to one another that of course marriage was the next logical step. The way Darren looked at him when he first walked in had him crazily thinking how he wanted it to work out that way again. Of course it was a fantasy, as he was a gay journalist from Fresno while Darren was a celebrity who lived in Hollywood. Who was probably straight, given the number of pictures he saw of him at events with girls on his arm. Even if he did have intense bedroom eyes for Chris. “Does that mean you don’t want a copy of this scrapbook?” 

“Of course I want a copy! Chris you underestimate how much I love to talk, this will be an adorable conversation starter, of which I am sure to hear no end of flak from my Michigan buddies for. Though now that we’re here I want to try for us to start again, keep in touch? We were such a huge part of each other’s lives, even if it was for a short time. I haven’t had many close friends in my life…”

“Darren you are not telling me you haven’t been surrounded by people, you are like a magnet.”

“People yes, many of which are my friends. But close friends? Friends so crazy about one another they force their families to throw them a fake wedding? No way have I come close to that with pretty much anyone Chris. Not since you. Now give me your phone so I can send you obnoxious texts and you can send me eye rolling emojis back and then let’s see if Ma still keeps the freezer stocked with strawberry ice cream, because it’s my favorite.” 

It was then that Cerina entered the house, noticing the boys creeping towards her freezer. “Darren Everett Criss! Don’t you dare spoil your dinner! And don’t you snicker at him, Christopher Paul Colfer, you’re staying too and don’t think either of you are getting dessert afterwards until every single dish is clean!” 

Darren and Chris had the sense to look slightly ashamed, muttering in synch “This is all your fault.” Cerina just had to smile. Some things never changed. 

Later that evening, after the dishes had been washed and ice cream had been eaten, Chris needed to leave if he wanted to get home at any decent time. He hugged them all, getting a very lengthy hug from Cerina first. 

“Now listen to me _syota_ , you are always welcome here, any time. Or you can call if you need to talk. I know I’m not your mom, heaven knows I could never replace her, but I’m more than willing to give you advice or hugs in a motherly fashion any time you need it.” Chris could feel himself welling up at that, so he simply pressed a kiss to her cheek and whispered a thank you into her ear. 

Bill hugged him tightly for a few seconds and promised to call on his dad at the first opportunity. Finally all that was left was to say goodbye to Darren, for which the elder Crisses moved into the living room in a less than subtle fashion. “So how do we split up the wedding rings? I mean there’s no way to tell who they were, though no doubt mine was Raphael,” Darren quipped.

“Oh and why is that?”

“He was my favorite, of course!”

“Mine too, and since I can actually wield sai swords, I get dibs on Raph,” Chris replied, a deadly glint in his eyes before his smile gave him away. 

“Okay, I am _keeping_ you Colfer. Now come give me a hug and hopefully you can unchain yourself from your cubicle in Fresno to come and visit me in LA soon?” 

Chain merely grunted out an assent as Darren pulled him into a warm hug. He also may have taken in the scent of Darren; sweat and fabric softener, cedar and a hint of musk. He held onto Darren’s warmth, the emotion he was putting into the embrace, fortifying Chris for the drive home. Even if it was a foolish, fleeting fantasy, he wanted to hold onto Darren for much longer than just this hug. 

He waved once he got into his car, trying not to think about how Darren had looked at him when the hug had broken. Tried not to think about how Darren had held out his hand for the silly plastic ring, which Chris noted were actually the same anyways, since their moms didn’t want a fight in the middle of their wedding. Nor how Darren had then looped it around his neck on a chain, promising to keep it and their union close to his heart, like the asshole he was. He did notice that his bag had a CD in it, with a note from Darren: _Just something to keep you company on the ride home._ It was songs, some he knew, some he didn’t, all being sung by Darren. Whose singing voice was...magical.

 **Chris:** Thanks for the CD, it was nice company. When did it come out?

 **Darren:** Sometime next year probably. I brought home that copy for mom, but I thought you could use it more, she understood, don’t worry. 

**Chris:** Well it’s lovely, thank you. You are a wonderful singer. 

**Darren:** Thanks oh loving husband of mine. 

**Chris:** Well I am a rather supportive spouse.

 **Darren:** That you are. Only took 20 something years :p  
~

“Mom do I have to wear this silly bow tie?” Chris asked his mother, tugging on the bright blue torture device his mother had affixed around his neck. 

Karyn moved his hands away as she combed his hair. “Well dear remember you were the one who told me you had to dress up for the wedding, as that’s how it’s done. Plus I know Cerina is making Darren wear one.” 

Chris crossed his arms and grumped a bit. “Fine. For Darren.” 

Karyn smiled. “You are going to make a wonderful husband my dear.” 

Eventually they were all gathered in the backyard, Chuck plunking out a slower version of “A Whole New World” on his keyboard before Tim started the ceremony. 

“We are gathered here today to join Darren and Christopher in marriage, at their request. Now boys, I want some of those yummy cupcakes that Cerina made, so we’ll do the short version. Do you Darren promise to love Christopher forever and ever, to share all your toys with him, to push him on the swings and to always be there when he’s sad?”

Darren looked at Chris, smiling brightly, both of them holding hands and trying not to roll their eyes at their moms getting weepy. “I do,” he replied, slipping the plastic Raphael ring onto Chris’ finger. 

Tim was trying his best not to laugh at the ridiculous nature of all of this, but he was also touched that his little boy had a friend who was so devoted, so loving that this was how they wanted to express it. “And do you Christopher promise to love Darren forever and ever, to share all your toys with him, let him be ‘it’ in tag and to always make him smile?” 

Chris didn’t hesitate, shouting out “I DO!” before slipping Darren’s matching ring onto his finger, their hands swinging together, both ready for the wedding to be over so they could get cupcakes and not have to wear their uncomfortable shoes. 

“Then by the power invested in me, because you two asked me to perform the ceremony-you may now kiss,” Tim concluded.

“EW! Daddy, kissing is yucky!” Chris whined, Darren right on his heels about the grossness of kisses. 

“Fine, hug then,” he conceded, the boys embracing warmly before kicking off their shoes and running towards the food. 

“We’re married!” they cried, mouths already covered in frosting, crumbs flying everywhere.


	2. Chapter 2

“Darren? Darren...DARREN!” 

Darren finally got his face unstuck from his phone, looking up at his slightly angry looking manager, Duncan. “Sorry man I was texting my friend Chris, he’s debating a pet and is texting me pics of all the furry creatures along with funny names for them all. What’s up?”

Duncan sighed and gave a little head shake, trying to hide his smile. “You got a call back for **The Half Life**. They want you for Scott, pending a chemistry read with the guy they’ve got signed for Julian. Tomorrow afternoon.” 

Darren whooped for joy, doing a little jig of happiness before capturing Duncan in a hug. “Yes! Oh I have to tell everyone!”

“Not until you actually land the role slugger. Then you can tell the world, and we can start some publicity.” Duncan replied, ruffling Darren’s curls. “This role could mean big things for you, there’s talk of some supporting actor noms if the movie does as well as we hope it will.” 

Darren smiled and nodded, his fingers already flying over his phone. It had been a few weeks since this childhood friend had re-entered Darren’s life, and it was like the two had gone straight back to the inseparable state they had been at once upon a time. But Duncan could see that it wasn’t just friendship on Darren’s mind, not if the soft smile that was constantly on his face at the mere mention of Chris was anything to go by. “Listen Dare, you know they’re going to ask about what it’s like to play a gay character when you’re not…” he started, really not wanting to broach the subject. 

Darren dropped his phone to the desk beside him, giving out a world weary sigh. “Can’t I tell them the truth? I mean, we’ve never made a statement, never confirmed, just let people assume. Would the studio drop me from the role just because I come out?” 

“Maybe. I mean, there’s the morality clause to consider, and it might take away from the movie. Which would definitely get you thrown from the project. So maybe just...I dunno, shirk the question, pull a Dan Radcliffe when he was playing Ginsberg. I don’t want you to outright lie…”

“But that’s what I’m doing by not saying anything Dunc! I’m living in the closet because the world just figures with the way I look and act that I must be straight! I just want to take someone I could actually have a relationship with to a premiere, thank the man I love in any acceptance speech I may be lucky enough to give. I hate this…”

“I know buddy, believe me, I know. Just...land this role and when the movie is done, we can talk to the studio, make a statement once awards season is over. Do you think you can wait another year?”

“A year?” The color fled from Darren’s face. He was so sick of all this, he didn’t want to spend one more day of his life pretending to be something...someone he wasn’t. 

“They want to start shooting ASAP, and have the movie out in LA theatres before Christmas so it will be in consideration for awards in 2017. It’ll be a tough shoot, not much time for post-production. Just, look if you really want this role, so it might be worth thinking about how much you may have to sacrifice or suffer through to get it. I’ll be waiting for you tomorrow. If you show, I know your answer.” Duncan laid a hand on Darren’s shoulder before leaving the room. 

Darren looked down at his phone, seeing another text from Chris.

**Chris:** His name is Brian, I think I love him. He’s my new roommate. 

The picture showed a rather large tabby, looking at the camera as if he was scowling, a perfect fit for Chris. Darren sighed, wanting so much to just quit this acting business and go curl up around Chris forever. They had become close immediately, discussing everything they had missed in each other’s lives, Skyping with Chris as he watched the StarKid musicals for the first time. Chris running lines with him over the phone during his lunch breaks. Darren spending his nights skimming the articles Chris had written, continuing to urge him to share his own work. Throughout all that time, Darren had started to fall ever so slightly for Chris.

Though who could blame him? Chris was gorgeous, funny and smart. He was kind, but not afraid to be biting and sarcastic, calling Darren out on his shit. Yes they still talked about their childhood friendship, their lives since. But they also talked about the things they enjoyed, their thoughts on current events. How much Chris hated the guy in Sports who would not stop hitting on him. How he worried about his dad, all alone in Clovis, but who had also recently told Chris to stop coming every weekend, as he needed to stop putting his life on hold just to check up on his old man. He also discussed Hannah, her medical issues, how hard she was taking the death of their mother, who had been her caretaker, her champion. That she was not alone at college, with a nursing student as her roommate, trying to deal with grief and classes and being away from home for the first time in her life. 

For his part, Darren discussed Chuck’s happy marriage, his new niece, and the realization of how much he didn’t want kids of his own. He was happy enough to be an awesome uncle, then hand Rosie back to her parents and enjoy his life as it was. Yet he did want the marriage thing, that person who could be the other half of your life, but had never found that in any of his relationships. Wondered if it was too early to really be worried or if he was quickly approaching too late for life’s great romance. He confessed that he never took his career for granted, knowing it could all be lost to him in an instant, and was still not sure why he had encountered the success he had, constantly doubting his talents. 

But through every talk they had, every confession shared, Darren never said the words “I’m not straight.” He couldn’t. He never had before, not like this. Sure he’d told his parents, but it was more so “I’m dating this guy, do you want to meet him?” kind of way instead of some outright statement. He hadn’t needed to say anything to any of the guys he had dated, it was understood. Though once he made it big, he’d stuck to quiet hook ups, not wanting to make a statement until he had a special someone to show off. Thus the dates forced on him by some stupid morality clause in the studio contract. He kept quiet, waiting the days out until his contract was up or another studio signed him on. So he had to get this role, to be free. So he would suck it up, to be free. And maybe in time he could shake his crush on Chris. Or see if they were both free in a year’s time to figure out if a kiss with him would still be icky in Chris’ eyes. 

**Darren:** He looks like he’ll be perfect for you. I’ll stock up on some allergy meds before I come visit and bring him a housewarming present. 

**Chris:** Soon? I can’t get out to LA until he’s settled. 

**Darren:** Got a call back tomorrow, but maybe I’ll see about the weekend? I’d love to see the sights of Fresno with you. 

**Chris:** Oh! Is it for the movie you were telling me about? 

**Darren:** Maybeeeeee

**Chris:** Well break a leg, you let me know the second you get the part! 

Darren smiled at the phone, determined to get this part, to knock it out of the park and then in a year to sweep Chris into the most romantic kiss he could manage to ensure he got the man of his dreams, and it all will have been worth it.  
~

“Okay Darren we’re going to start the pair screen test on page 194, the big fight scene. I know it’s not the most fun stuff to do but we have to believe you two, and this script runs the full gamut of emotions. Now Lee here is Julian to your Scott and he’ll start us off.” 

Darren smiled at the actor who towered over him with eyebrows to rival his own before skimming through the script, putting himself in the headspace of Scott, a man who loved Julian but had to share him with his other life. Darren could relate. He nodded his readiness to Lee.

“Scott…” Lee started, looking distraught. 

Darren came forward, stroking one arm in a soothing manner while his other clutched the script. “My poor Jules. How did she take it?” He waited a beat, seeing that Julian was supposed to look ashamed, staying silent. Scott was supposed to react negatively to this. “You didn’t tell her did you?” Darren gave an exasperated sigh. “Of course you fucking didn’t because you still love her.” His voice started to shake, struggling to get the words out as he choked up with tears. “Or you love her more than you love me.”

Lee (or Julian, Darren supposed) gripped his arm tightly, pulling them together, tilting Darren’s chin until they were looking at one another. “Scott Harris, don’t you ever doubt that I utterly adore you. But this is scary. I’m not just giving up my wife, I’m giving up my whole life.”

Darren scoffed at that, wrenching himself away. “How much of a life can it be Julian? You don’t love her, not anymore, and not that you ever did! You’re with her and thinking about men. I would hope you’re thinking about _me._ ”

“It’s always you Scott! It has been since the day we met!” 

“Then be with me!” Darren screamed. “I know it’s terrifying. But you’re sneaking around, causing yourself stress, lying to everyone to maintain some stupid facade and only making the both of us miserable! I love you, I want to be with you! Hell I would jump at the chance to marry you, I want to start a family with you. But I can’t do that until you let me into your life by actually starting to live it!” 

By this time both Darren and Lee were crying, and Lee snatched him into a kiss, passionate and salty, but full of a desperation to prove one’s love. “I’ll do it. God, I’ll do it. Just please, don’t leave me.” 

They both trembled as they embraced, Darren’s head burrowing into Lee’s neck, whispering his assurances that he would stay. “Just don’t make me wait forever, Jules.” 

“And...scene. Wow guys, I am trying not to jinx us but THAT will be going in our reel for awards. Darren, you have got the job man.” the director Mark said. 

Darren wiped the tears from his eyes before he could register what the man had said, almost doing a double take before a smile broke out on his face and he gave a giant whoop of joy. He shook Lee’s hand, saying it would be an absolute pleasure to work with him and collected all the paperwork he needed to go over, as well as a shooting schedule. He shoved it all into his bag, and while he knew he should tell Duncan first, he couldn’t help but pull out his phone and hit the speed dial for Chris. 

“CHRIS!” he practically screamed into the phone. “I got the part! I got the fucking part!” On the other end he could hear Chris shrieking with joy, and Darren could just bet he was jumping up and down. 

“Oh my god Darren! I knew you could do it! I am so happy for you! We have to celebrate when you come to visit! Please tell me you can still come to visit?” Chris’ voice took a hesitant tone at the end, as if he was afraid this huge role would mean Darren wouldn’t have time for him any longer. 

Darren let out a teasing laugh. “Duh I’m still coming! I mean I have to be back here early Sunday because we start filming at like ass o’clock Monday, which also means I will be spending the plane ride memorizing the script, but I’ll be there!” 

Chris was jubilant, but bit his lip trying to keep the words burning in his heart at bay. He wanted to tell Darren that they could spend the weekend practising the love scenes. His stupid crush was nagging at him but he kept it hidden away, not wanting to ruin this reunited friendship and knowing he’d never have a chance with Darren once he really got recognized for his talent. Even if there was a one in a million chance that Darren even liked men, which Chris had never asked, figuring if Darren were out Chris would know and if he was hiding it they weren’t at the point that Darren wanted to share it...yet. “I’ll help you run lines if you need to, you know that. Anything for my husband.” 

Darren laughed, twirling the ring that dangled from his neck. He had yet to take it off when he was out and about unless there was a formal event. And even then. he sometimes snuck it underneath his dress shirt. “While that is a sweet offer, oh husband of mine, I’d rather spend the weekend enjoying your company. My life is going to be consumed by this movie before long, I want my precious free time to be as removed from it as I can. Now tell me where you are taking me out to celebrate in Fresno.”  
~

Once Darren landed in Fresno, it was almost as if he could finally breathe again. He could pretend that no one knew him, that he was just a normal guy coming to visit his long distance boyfriend. Instead of an actor hiding in the closet escaping to the home of a former childhood sweetheart and secretive crush. So when he saw Chris waving at him by the baggage claim he knew no matter how much he wanted to he could never run and grasp him into a twirling hug and passionate kiss. He could however, slump into him with a tired smile. 

"Hey hubby, rough flight?" Chris asked, rubbing his back while keeping a side-eye out for his luggage. Darren murmured in agreement before grabbing his rolling suitcase and hitched his backpack higher, refusing to let Chris carry anything. 

"Just looking forward to spending the weekend lazing around your apartment in my sweats and doing nothing else unless you've made plans." 

"Honestly after the week I've had, that sounds heavenly. I've got some wine chilling in the fridge and a full roster of take out menus. I might be talked into cooking for you, but otherwise a lazy weekend it is." With that, Chris handed him a package of allergy medication. "Just in case you forgot yours. Brian is pretty good about shedding, but I figure it's better safe than sorry." 

Darren swallowed the pills, taking a swig from the water bottle Chris handed him. He had in fact forgotten his meds and couldn't find anything in the airport, resolving to ask Chris to stop somewhere on the way back to his. "Best husband ever." 

"And don't you dare forget it." Chris smirked as he tossed on his sunglasses, gesturing to the older sedan parked in the temporary zone. The drive back to Chris' was quiet, both men sensing that there were many things unsaid but this was neither the time nor place for them. 

Even though it wasn't a long ride to Chris' apartment from the airport, Darren could feel himself drifting off as they drove. Maybe it was due to the early flight or the sheer lack of sleep he'd been getting between stressing over the callback and fatigue caused by his management still denying him the freedom to be himself. Though if he was going to be completely honest, maybe it was because he was finally in a safe space with someone who made him feel completely relaxed. Not for the first time he cursed his childhood self for losing track of Chris, wondering just how different both of their lives could have turned out if they had stayed in touch. Was he so naive to believe that they could have endured everything, stayed friends, as close as they were then and again now? He glanced over at Chris, his eyes bleary with sleep. 

The sun was shining in, highlighting Chris' hair with streaks of auburn and blonde. It lit his porcelain skin, glowing behind the smattering of freckles over his nose and cheeks. His eyes were concealed behind black-framed wayfarers but Darren could see his lips turned into a little smile as he hummed along to a familiar song on the radio. But then it hit him where he had heard the song before. 

"Is this the demo CD I gave you back in January?" Darren questioned, now awake, rubbing at his eyes.

Chris hummed his assent. "Yeah, I really like it. Also I can't stand a lot of the local radio stations, playing the same 5 songs every two hours. At least I can enjoy your songs, I never seem to get tired of hearing them. Why? You want me to turn it off?" 

"Nah man, I'm kind of flattered. Plus with the way the studio is stalling on me getting to do what I want, you and Ma might be the only ones to ever hear them." Darren scowled, not wanting to be reminded how restrained he found so many aspects of his career. 

"Well they're idiots then. Your fans deserve to hear more of your voice than just on cast albums and sneaky concert recordings." 

Darren was about to speak up on his wish to do more music stuff when they pulled up to a small building, parking in the lot next door and the moment passed. Chris popped the trunk to get Darren's bags before he could protest. "You're supposed to be taking it easy, remember? Besides, when I come visit you in LA, you'll do the same to me. Or get some assistant to do it. Let me take care of you, even in this little way." 

Darren held his hands up in surrender, both of them making their way to the stairwell leading to Chris' third floor apartment. When they had arranged this visit, Darren had insisted he could stay at a hotel, not wanting to invade Chris' space. Chris had told him in no uncertain terms that he had a spare room, and since he only got him for two days, he wanted to spend as much time together as they could. So no hotel. 

As soon as they entered the apartment a ball of fur came to investigate where Chris had been, twining himself around Darren's legs, waddling over to his food bowl and giving a howl. "Geeze, he had a full bowl before I left, you'd think I got a black hole instead of a cat," Chris grumbled good-naturedly before filling his bowl and dropping Darren's bags in what he assumed was the spare room. 

It was a small space, Darren observed, but extremely comfortable. Most of the space in the living room was taken up by a large navy couch stationed in front of a coffee table and a decent sized television. The walls were lined with shelves, all of which were overflowing with books, DVD cases and various picture frames. The kitchen was small without a dining table, so he figured Chris did most of his eating in front of the television or at the desk he could see in the spare room, a laptop sitting on it. He kicked his shoes onto the mat by the door and slumped onto the couch, listening as Chris straightened up the bathroom, calling that he had laid clean towels on Darren's bed. 

"You hungry?" Chris asked, noting it was a little after lunch time, but saw that Darren had dropped pretty much immediately into sleep as soon as his head hit the couch. "Guess not." He threw a blanket over Darren, making himself a PB&J before grabbing the latest Millennium series book and sitting at the end of the couch with Darren's feet in his lap to enjoy a quiet afternoon.  
~

Darren snuffled a little as he awoke, glancing around the unfamiliar atmosphere. He was lying on Chris' couch, a fuzzy throw tossed over him, and Chris was nowhere to be found. He could hear a faint humming from the kitchen, and a soft purring from somewhere near his feet. He rubbed at his eyes to clear the grit and slowly rose, stretching out his limbs, feeling so much lighter after his impromptu nap. 

"Hey Sleeping Beauty," Chris called out. "Was just about to wake you, it's almost dinner time! You must of really needed to sleep given how you slept the afternoon away. Though apparently my company wasn't enough to keep you awake, which I find mildly insulting. Now come mix up the salad and we'll eat something, put on a movie and relax the evening away. Though if you can't sleep tonight don't come crying to me, I tried waking you up a bunch and you didn't move." 

Darren came into the kitchen and dutifully tossed salad greens, watching Chris twirling pasta onto plates before scooping sauce over top and slicing warm bread. "Yeah, I tend to conk out pretty hard if I haven't been sleeping well. And don't worry about tonight, I can always sleep after napping probably because I'm pretty constantly tired." 

"You need to take better care of yourself." Chris replied. "I mean I know insomnia's a bitch but you barely sleep from what you've told me, so maybe go to a doctor, see about getting you something for it?"

Darren shrugged, laid the food out on the coffee table, pulling Chris down onto the couch and flicking to some mindless news program as background noise. "Tried that when I first started out, turns out sleeping pills are not my friends. Gave me panic attacks, terrified of not waking up especially where I was living alone in this big new city for the first time in my life. I'll stick to my naps when I can get them and sleeping lots during my downtime." 

Chris could tell the topic was dropped by the way that Darren refused to meet his eyes and dug into his food. He'd let it go for now, but he was determined to hound him a bit more concerning how hard Darren seemed to be pushing himself. He did however, turn to a channel showing some colorful cartoon creations when the news started a story about some grisly murder in the LA area. "Sorry, can't watch that and eat. Enjoy the dancing pig instead, and I'll change it back when it's time for the weather or something." 

 

“Nah, this is good. Thanks for making supper by the way, didn’t know you could cook.” Darren managed to compliment Chris through a mouthful of food, making Chris give him a look. 

“I can manage okay. Pasta’s something easy, and I made lots so we can have it as leftovers for lunch tomorrow.” Chris replied. 

The rest of the meal was spent in relative silence, the television droning on in the background as both men adjusted to having so much time before them to spend together. Both pretending to be only interested in friendship, both also secretly hoping for more, and thinking it could never be. The rest of the evening was thus spent in safe territory, watching movies and discussing topics two friends would-- family, work, the latest hit superhero movie, the end of a television series they loved. It wasn’t until they were ready to separate for the night did it become awkward. 

“I’m a pretty light sleeper, so if you need me for anything, don’t feel bad about coming to get me. Otherwise there’s towels and extra sheets on the chair, and Brian tends to take over the couch at night so he shouldn’t bother you. I put the allergy meds on the nightstand, so maybe take one before you go to bed just in case. Night Dare.” 

Chris was about to head off to his room when Darren tugged on his shirt sleeve, bring him back for a hug. “Thanks for having me Chris. You have no idea of how much I wanted to get away...how much I needed to do so in fact. Just...thanks.”

Chris gripped him tighter, murmuring “Anytime” into his ear before ruffling Darren’s curls and sauntering off down the hall to his room. Darren settled down for a good night’s sleep, enjoying the comfy guest bed. He wasn’t used to falling asleep in a place that didn’t have the noise of traffic outside of his windows but he somehow managed, actually enjoying the peace for once. Until he was awoken by the sound of keys tapping and the bright light of the computer screen sometime around 2 AM. 

He noticed Chris was sitting at his laptop, seemingly browsing Amazon for things to buy, and didn’t seem to respond to Darren’s groans and grumbles about how this couldn’t wait or be done on his phone. Darren slumped out of bed to go over to Chris to poke him rather harshly when he noticed the glazed look in Chris’ eyes. “You’re totally sleep shopping. Colfer you weirdo, maybe it’s you who needs to be on the sleeping pills. Come on, let’s not use your entire bank account to buy...are those garden gnomes? Chris you don’t even have a garden. I’m going to tuck you back in, okay?” He grabbed Chris’ arm and escorted him back to his room, pushing him under the covers, and stayed for a minute or two to see his eyes close and look settled once more. “You had better believe I am going to rub this in your face over breakfast tomorrow.” 

Darren had just started to drift once more when the sound of footsteps sounded outside his door. “Oh for the love of-Colfer go the fuck back to bed!” 

Chris appeared at his doorway, looking almost conflicted, and Darren let out a sigh. “Do I need to like tie you to your bed?” When Chris didn’t reply and had the same look Darren figured he had not quite fallen asleep before and would have to be watched for longer to ensure Chris stayed in bed. “Good thing I had that nap earlier.” He quipped as he tugged Chris back into bed once more. “Now stay there this time.” 

Darren decided he would stay right outside the doorway for a few minutes just in case, and of course, Chris, even asleep seemed to have a single minded obsession with finishing his sleep shopping. He could hear the covers being thrown off, and he sighed. Darren decided that ropes were probably going a bit too far, and if Chris had any in the house that would be intriguing spank bank material, but this was not the time to find out. He walked into the room once more, seeing Chris sitting on the mattress, seemingly looking for pants. Who knows where he might go if Darren didn’t stop him, so he just went with the first idea that popped into his head. 

“Hey sweetie it’s the middle of the night, stay in bed okay? I’m going to stay with you for awhile, cuddle you back to sleep, you can get mad at me tomorrow when you make me breakfast for this whole ordeal.” Darren got into the bed, pulling Chris to him and wrapped him in his arms. It was like an immediate snooze button, almost instantly sending him off to dreamland. Darren gave Chris’ forehead a small kiss, pulling him closer and allowed himself to relax into sleep himself. 

Chris awoke the next morning still curled up in Darren’s arms, wondering how in the hell he had gotten there. He was still in his room, though he suspected he had not stayed there the whole night. He felt bad about whatever he had done in order for Darren to think he had to stay the night. Though he did take just a moment to enjoy being in this man’s arms before he started to move away. It was when he had almost escaped Darren’s hold that Darren startled himself awake. Chris decided he needed to diffuse the situation immediately. “You snore you know.” 

“Yeah well you drool. And you know, sleepwalk.” Darren slurred back, half his face hidden in the pillow, but a smile starting on his lips. 

“Sorry about that. It usually only happens when I’m away from home. It’s been starting up since Mom died, so I usually take an Ambien, but it slipped my mind last night. I didn’t like hurt you or anything did I?”

“Nah, tried to make some unwise purchases, but once I koala’d myself around you, you gave up your quest to own every garden gnome that Amazon could sell you. Hope you don’t mind the non-consensual snuggles, but it seemed to work.” 

Chris let his toes wander, encountering the blazing heat of Darren’s thighs, noting he slept in just a t-shirt and boxers, so he encountered skin instead of the expected cotton of sleep pants. He also regretted it a little given he knew his toes were often like ice in the morning, and given Darren’s yelp, he figured it was the same today. He whispered an apology, which caused Darren to use his legs and capture his feet. “I am buying you fuzzy socks before I leave. Now I am going to enjoy my hugs since you don’t seem to mind, and then you are going to get up and make us pancakes while I assure my manager that I am not dead.” 

Chris blushed a little but snuggled further into Darren, determined to enjoy this while he could, even if it was unhealthy, even if it would get his hopes up. He would live in this fantasy where he was in the arms of his boyfriend, having slept together as they always did. And deal with his broken heart when Darren left tomorrow, back to his girlfriends and his Hollywood life. His ennui was suddenly broken by the small snuffling snores Darren was letting out, telling Chris he had fallen back asleep, and Chris decided to do the same. He laid a small kiss to Darren’s heart, inhaling the clean smell of his shirt before allowing himself to sleep once more. 

The rest of the day was a lazy one, just spending time together, sometimes talking, sometimes in silence, never discussing how weird it was that they had slept in the same bed. Or how nice it was to wake in the other’s arms, even though normal friends would never do such a thing. They were happy enough to not disturb the peace and continue living in the fantasy that they could do these things and not have to discuss them. Both enjoying pretending this was real, as much as Chris knew it would hurt and Darren knew it could never be. 

However, the peace was broken by a call from Darren’s manager, bringing the real world hurtling in towards them ever faster. Chris wasn’t eavesdropping per say but what snippets he could hear of Darren’s side of the conversation were less than encouraging. 

“What do you mean re-writes?...They want me to WHAT?...I mean no, I’ve got no issue with it, and I figured it would come up...Really? Well yeah I’d be honored to do it, but have they even heard me...Well that was rather sneaky of you Duncan...Yeah I’ll be back tomorrow night. Thanks for letting me know instead of having it sprung on me last minute...Yeah, you too, bye.”

Darren came back, throwing himself into a slump onto the couch, letting out a groan. “What’s up buttercup?” Chris asked, ruffling his curls, bringing them into a comforting hug. 

“Studio is doing last minute re-writes, and wanted to make sure I was okay with a love scene with Lee. As in pretty damn naked love scene.”

“I am guessing Lee is of the male persuasion and that will gain them some ire.”

“Yup, but they offered me more money and are going to let me sing the end credits song which they are debating also putting in the movie. Seems a fair trade, my dignity aside.” 

“You could always say no, it wasn’t in the contract you signed.” Chris rationalized, rubbing Darren’s back as they continued to snuggle together. 

“I mean, I always figured if they ever had me do a nude scene, it would be with a chick, and I grew up in San Fran, so the concept doesn’t bother me. Might be weird to do it with a guy who has half a foot of height and at least 10 years on me. But I really want to do this film, it’s my key to being a free agent instead of being tied to one studio.” 

“So tell me the story of the film. I’ve only gotten snippets of the script, and I want all the insider info.” At Darren’s scathing look, Chris had to laugh a little. “I want to know why this story is so important for you to tell. So I need to know the story. I’m not going to go off and spout it to anyone, especially at work, you know that.” 

Darren longed to tell Chris why it was so vital for him to do this movie. Not only would it open doors for him to be taken seriously as an actor, not only did he love the story. But he could be himself once out from underneath his current contract. Yet...what was stopping him from telling Chris? He trusted the man with his life, and it would be one step closer to them being together. But it would also mean that they would have to keep any romance hidden for almost a year. Even if he had a chance to actually be with Chris, he could never ask him to be a secret for the sake of his career, it wouldn’t be fair to either of them. But could he really live through the next year yearning for Chris, stuck pining over a man who may not feel for him the same way he did? Who would probably get scooped up by some great out man who would adore Chris the way he deserved. Darren hated the position he was in, hated the fact it was a situation of his own making and the fact that he could do little to fix it in the here and now. 

“You can’t repeat any of this. Even if it may apparently change between now and release,” Darren said holding out a pinky, wanting even this silly assurance that his faith in Chris was not misplaced. Their pact sealed, Darren began.

“It’s the story of Julian Barrowes, his life with Marianne Dresden and how it all falls apart when he meets Scott Harris, played by yours truly. It shows how he has been spending his life hiding who he really is, and starts an affair with Scott, finally allowing himself to be in a relationship with someone who he can truly love. But then he has to choose to stay with his wife or his lover and it gets really emotionally fraught at times, lots of fights and promises to each of them. Then apparently I get to sing a song to plead my case.”

Chris was staring at him, an expectant look on his face “Who does he choose?” 

Darren gave an impish smile. “I am legally not allowed to tell you that. Like seriously, I could get sued for telling you that much. Plus it’s a lot more fun to let you writhe a bit. And with the re-writes, who knows what they did.” 

Chris whacked Darren across the chest “In really hate you right now.”

“No you don’t.”

“No I don’t. But you’re totally making dinner for putting me through that and not telling me so I have to wait until it’s in theatres to find out.”

“Do you have a death wish? Because my cooking will lead to severe gastrointestinal distress. That’s the perk of being famous; chefs on call.”

Chris got a look on his face like a light bulb had gone off over his head. “Come on then, I’m going to teach you. We’ll cook together.” 

Darren was chopping carrots as Chris was making a spice mixture for the chicken when he spoke up. “You could come to the screening with me, you know. The director said he’d have one at his house before the premiere and we could bring a plus one. So you can see it before it gets released.”

Chris looked up at him, noting that Darren was steadfastly avoiding his gaze, a slight blush painting his cheeks “Wouldn’t you typically bring a date to that sort of thing? Wouldn’t you want to bring one of your girlfriends?” 

“I have a girlfriend? Wait...I have plural girlfriends?” Darren asked, passing over the chopped carrots to line the pan. 

“Well I won’t admit to internet stalking you just a little before we reconnected...but I will admit to seeing many pictures of you on plush carpets with various ladies hanging off your arms.” Chris was now the one avoiding looking at Darren, coating the chicken breasts and laying them in the pan and gesturing silently for the bottle of white wine on the counter, which Darren passed over. 

“Oh, yeah. They’re girls the studios hire to maintain some playboy image or something for me. I haven’t dated much of anybody since I made it big. Too much going on, and it’s either be with someone else in the industry or being with someone who’s not and more than likely using me for my fame. Once I’m out from this contract after the movie comes out, maybe then I’ll take my time to get to know somebody, but until then, I’m okay going it alone.” 

_No you’re not_ , Chris thought, knowing how supremely lonely a life that sounded. Not that he had any right to say much, a string of bad relationships in college had soured him on dating, and it had been over a year since he had even hooked up with anyone, let alone went on a date. “Well in that case, I call dibs on being your unofficial date to the screener. And I’ll ask before coming up to watch you work, just in case you’re doing the ending. Would hate to have it spoiled for me,” Chris replied with a wink. 

That night as they goodnight at their doors, Chris quipped “I’ll be sure to remember my Ambien tonight, no worries. Sweet dreams!” Darren had to bite his tongue that he wouldn’t mind spending the night cuddling so Chris could sleep rather than relying on medical aid. Instead he whispered his own wishes and threw himself on the bed, swiping his hand over his eyes and lamenting before attempting to wrestle himself into the blankets in order to sleep.   
~

_Darren stared down at Chris, pale and almost ethereal against the navy sheets as the moonlight shone in on them. A shy smile was painting Chris’s mouth, his lips painted red from being bitten, swollen from their bruising kisses. They were naked, and though the lust was raging between them, they took a pause to just look at one another, enjoying the wonderful man Fate had deemed him worthy of._

_“I love you,” Darren whispered, pulling Chris’ hand up to kiss, placing an extra kiss on the platinum band encasing the ring finger._

_“Love you too Dare,” Chris replied, pulling Darren’s hand up to repeat the motion, but then giving Darren’s fingers a lick with a wicked gleam to his eye_

_“Oh, that’s how it’s gonna be is it?”_

_“Well if you’d rather be a sap all night instead of fuck me nice and hard then I have to get my fun in where I can.”_

_“Who says I’m not going to be the one riding you into daybreak?”_

_Chris gave him a scrupulous look and then laid a firm smack to his ass, causing Darren to yelp, a small shockwave going through him, reminding him how dinner had been late due to him getting bent over the kitchen table. It had been brutal, but utterly amazing, and as a result, while he did so enjoy it when Chris took him, he doubted he could take anymore that evening. Plus on the rare occasion that they switched, it made Chris scream and he would never pass that up. Especially since they had a brand new house to christen, with no neighbors complaining about the noise and allowing him to ensure Chris would be extra loud._

_Darren decided not to respond to the spanking, instead going straight for Chris’ neck, his most sensitive spot, the one guaranteed to make his eyes roll back in his head. The quiet whimpers started, heavy breathing coming out as Darren kissed, sucked and licked, working around to both sides, paying extra attention to the scar on the right. He moved south, knowing between his lips and stubble that Chris would be a canvas of pinks, reds and white by the time he was finished._

_Darren allowed himself a leisurely path to Chris’ nipples traced with his tongue, leaving a trail of saliva in his wake, causing Chris to shiver when he blew on it. He nipped and sucked on each peak in turn, the small pink buds hardening in his mouth, the whimpering growing in volume above him, but almost...reserved? As if Chris was determined to not let Darren break him, even though the challenge of doing so was half the fun for him. Darren decided to prolong the torture a little, kissing around Chris’ bellybutton, the groove of his hips and down each thigh. He left a small kiss to the tip of Chris’ cock, already straining and starting to leak._

_Darren smiled as a moan escaped, and took it a step further, kissing up and down the shaft, licking around the protruding veins, all in an extremely fleeting fashion. Mere seconds of friction and pressure meant to do no more than tease. He was about to move back to the hips, back off a little when there were suddenly hands in his hair, tugging sharply on his curls. Which were also a direct route to his own cock, causing him to gasp and then moan loudly, thrusting his neglected member against the sheets to relive the sudden need for more._

_“That’s dirty pool.”_

_“You started it.” Chris retorted, sounding almost winded for how heavily he was breathing. “Please stop torturing me. I know we have all night and you know, the rest of our lives. But I would very much like to come soon, and also sleep before my alarm goes off in the morning. So get to.”_

_A bottle of lube found it’s way next to Darren’s hand and he gave a saucy salute “Sir yes sir!”_

_Chris lifted himself up, shoving a small pillow under his hips and spread his legs to accommodate Darren’s fingers. “Fucking finaLLY! OH!”_

_Darren would have given a wicked smile but his mouth was rather preoccupied at the moment, kissing and licking at Chris’ hole. Drool was everywhere, but giving the shrieking going on from the head of the bed, Darren figured he would be excused for needing to wash their freshly laundered sheets after one night. He fumbled with the lube bottle, finally drawing his tongue out from where it had been working into Chris, wiping one hand against his chin and then coating his fingers in the warming gel they both favored._

_Each finger was worked in gently, slowly, because no matter how much Chris begged, claimed he was ready, Darren knew that he secretly was grateful when he took his time. Quick and rough for during, but when it came to prep, they never rushed. Though that wasn’t to say that Darren didn’t enjoy the way Chris was writhing around, fucking himself on his fingers, fists gripping the sheets as he continued to ask for more._

_“Sssh my love, soon.” Darren pulled his fingers out slowly, coating himself quickly, and yanked Chris’ ass up, almost sitting in his lap as he worked himself inside. “God you’re tight. Should have stretched you more, you’re gonna be so sore tomorrow.”_

_“Sweetie?”_

_“Mmm?”_

_“Shut up and fuck me.”_

_Darren stretched himself out, engaging himself in another blistering kiss before allowing his hips to start a frantic pace. Normally he’d go slower, be more gentle, but his own needs were crying out to be satisfied and Chris was long past being polite about the whole thing. Especially given how he was currently yelling out his name…_

“Darren? Darren...Darren!”

Darren shook into wakefulness, his senses coming back to him slowly. He could hear Chris calling to him, his voice layered with sleep and a slightly worried tone. He glanced around, noting he was still in his room, but Chris was under the covers with him, having apparently sleepwalked his way in and sought comfort in Darren’s arms once more. But then, Darren could feel how tightly together they were pressed and how desperately hard he was. He hissed a little as Chris turned to face him, his ass brushing against Darren’s throbbing cock. Darren slammed his eyes shut, breathing in and out, willing his erection to go away, to abate at least. 

“God I’m so sorry Chris.” He started out saying before he felt Chris’ fingers touch his lips, and he finally opening his eyes, looking at Chris who smiled with understanding.

“Darren, it’s not a problem, I shouldn’t have come in here and taken advantage of having a cuddle monster in the house. Seems I am out of Ambien and I figured you wouldn’t mind. But I didn’t want you to wake up afterwards and feel even worse. Besides…” Chris grew bold for a second, and he would never be able to recount the reason he took the chance he did, but he rubbed his own quite affected state against Darren’s hip, causing another moan to erupt in the room. He had been woken up to Darren making the most delicious noises in his sleep and then thrusting his hard on against his ass, who could blame Chris for getting worked up?

“Chris please...don’t or I can’t help myself,” Darren whimpered, but not moving his body away either, relishing the burning heat and hardness still pressed into him. 

“Wow dating in Hollywood must be rough if you’re so horny you’ll rub one out with a guy.” Chris quipped, though if one looked, they could tell how much it hurt him to joke in such a way. 

Darren prayed for strength, still ragingly hard and tempted by the person who had gotten him into such a state. He was desperate at this point and made a rash decision. “Chris...I’m…”

“I know, flattered but straight. Look, I know I made it weird, but sleep deprivation is not my friend. Let’s just...forget it ever happened. Now, are we okay?” Chris said, moving out of Darren’s arms and out of the bed, subtly adjusting himself as he walked towards the door. 

Darren cursed his chance to take advantage of the situation, to know what it would be like to have Chris beneath him, screaming his praises to the heavens, coming undone and allowing Darren the chance to be with him. “We’re perfect. It’s forgotten.” 

“Great. Since it seems to be a semi-reasonable hour, I’m going to get started on breakfast. You take a shower and meet me when you’re done.” Chris sauntered off, wishing he had just let himself revel in bed for just a bit longer. Even if it had been a quick nothing to slake their lust, it would have been so wonderful. Though not worth ruining their friendship for, he resolved, adjusting himself more and marched off to the kitchen, hoping pancakes would erase the shape and size of Darren...at least until this evening when he could enjoy the sensation to the fullest. 

Darren meanwhile cursed himself for not speaking up and wandered off to the shower, blasting the cold water. He’d never be able to look Chris in the eye if he took care of himself in his shower, as tempting as the prospect was. Being in Fresno had turned into a type of purgatory that Darren never thought he’d experience. As much as he enjoyed his escape from the world, maybe it was best he was leaving that afternoon, leaving temptation and the chance to ruin everything behind. 

Chris could swear he heard scream of “Fuck that’s cold!” As he cracked the eggs and smiled a little. He’d still never be able to use that shower again without fantasizing about the possibilities though…  
~

The ride to the airport was a bittersweet one, both sad to be separated once more, but also feeling that it might be best to not take the chance of ruining their friendship due to the mishap from that morning. A text from Darren’s manager confirming his flight details had also brought reality back in with a screeching halt to the fantasy the weekend had presented. There was an image meeting on the books, Darren knowing him playing a gay character would bring questions, and having to drag out the arm candy to ward them off. He stared out the window, watching the scenery going by in a fleeting matter, longing to just stop the world so he could avoid dealing with this nonsense. 

“Hey. You okay?” Chris asked, glancing over as he moved the car into the exit for the airport. 

“Yeah, just have to get back into movie making mode I guess. There’s a lot of pressure for this to go well, and I guess it’s getting to me,” Darren replied, a half truth if anything. 

“Excuse the platitudes, but you’ll be great Darren. They wouldn’t have chosen you if they didn’t have faith in you, so have some faith in yourself. And if you ever need to rant or an ego boost or just to hear my voice, I’ll be there for you.”

“Thanks Chris.” Darren whispered, noticing that they had pulled into a parking spot, the airport looming large over them. Chris laid a hand over his knee, squeezing gently. 

“Do you want me to come in with you?” 

“I think we can avoid the clichéd sad goodbye in the airport today if that’s okay with you?” Darren looked at Chris, seeking his understanding, not wanting to betray the fact that he would not be strong enough to leave if Chris came in with him. 

Chris smiled and hit the button to pop the trunk. He leaned over the center console pressing a quick kiss to Darren’s cheek. “I’ll try to come out to LA in a few weeks okay?” 

Darren nodded numbly, using every ounce of his being not to reverently touch the place that Chris had just kissed. His crush might be that of a middle school girl, but he wasn’t about to act like one. Though he did lean over the console to hug Chris quickly, cursing his cowardice in not kissing him back. “See you soon, oh hubby of mine.” 

Darren lept out of the car to the sound of Chris’ laughter, grabbing his bags and slamming the trunk before running off to the front entrance. He urged himself not to look back, not to wave, knowing he would run back to the car, begging Chris to be his if he did. Leaving him was the most difficult thing he’d ever have to do, so he resolved to make it quick and clean, lest he weaken. 

Chris meanwhile watched Darren’s retreating figure, his heart longing to go chase after him, give him the goodbye kiss he wished he had been able to. He also sent a prayer out to the universe, hoping it would somehow reach Darren’s psyche, _Please turn around. Please don’t leave without at least turning around._ The breaking of his heart as the door closed behind Darren’s back without seeing him turn could be heard by the landing planes, Chris was sure. He gave a sad sigh, turning the key in the ignition once more, pulling out of the parking lot and driving back into reality.


	3. Chapter 3

“What do you mean you’re moving?” Chris demanded, his lip quivering as Darren stood before him, eyes wet. 

“My daddy got a new job in San Francisco. He says it’s too far to drive every day and he doesn’t want to be up there without us.” Darren mumbled, surely repeating the words Bill had told him the night before.

“But you’re my best friend. You can’t leave!” Chris shrieked, stamping his foot for emphasis. Until he remembered something, a smile erupting on his face. “Wait! We got married! They can’t take you away from me!” 

They ran off to find Cerina, who was talking quietly to a sad looking Karyn, presumably relaying the news that they would soon be moving. “That’s a shame, but I guess we all knew Bill’s company wouldn’t keep him here long. I had hoped the boys would get to go to school together in the fall though,” Karyn replied, laying a hand on Cerina’s shoulder before continuing. “I’ll miss you. And poor Christopher will be devastated when he learns Darren is leaving.” 

The boys bust in at that moment, talking over one another, insisting they couldn’t be separated, that they were married, that had to be against the law or something! Their mothers looked at each other, half amused but mostly saddened by having to break the reality of the situation to their sons. 

Karyn looked at Chris “Sweetie, Darren has to go with his mommy and daddy, he can’t stay here. You know you’d miss us if we left you here, so he would miss his family.”

Chris’ lip started to quibble once more. “But...but...it’s not fair.”

Cerina spoke up at this, now cuddling a visibly crying Darren “I know it’s not fair _syota_ , but you two can call each other and once you learn how to write, you can send each other letters. Maybe even visit over the winter break! It’s sad to move away from friends, but we have to go, and Darren has to come with us, I’m sorry.”

Chris and Darren were both bawling by this point and launched themselves at each other, clutching tight to one another. Darren wanted to protest, they couldn’t make him go, they couldn’t! Chris held Darren as tight as he could, absorbing what time and closeness he could while he still had the time to do so. 

They spent the few weeks before the move together, every waking moment they could before they would be ripped apart. Slowly all of the items in the Criss household got packed into boxes, the rooms becoming vacant, taking on a haunted air, the shadows falling on the spaces where all their possessions used to be. On the day of the move Chuck was in the car whining that he was ready to go, already having said goodbye to the friends he had made while in Clovis. Tim and Bill were shaking hands while their wives held each other tight, watery whispers uttered, a hand gently laid on Karyn’s stomach, a secret smile between them. 

Chris and Darren were inconsolable. They had gripped each other, crying and yelling that they wouldn’t let the other go. Bill told them they had to go and he would prefer not to force them apart or Darren into the car, but he would, so it was time to say goodbye. 

The boys held hands, cheeks still tear streaked, and trying not to break down once more. Chris brought Darren into a hug, and whispered into his ear “I’m going to miss you so much Darren. You’re my best friend forever.” He held out his wedding ring, the red mask worn down, but still a symbol of everything they were. “To remember me by.”

“I’ll never forget you Chris.” Darren said, his fist closing over the ring. “I’ll love you forever.” He whispered, pressing a kiss to Chris’ cheek before the boy went running off to the safety of his mother’s arms, refusing to look as Darren was placed into his booster seat. Chris only turned to watch the car pull away, the truck with their furniture already having left. Chris saw Darren’s small hand wave in the window, the top of his curls and red eyes partially visible. He waved back, unaware that he would never see that boy again. Or at least not until they were both men, the world having flung them around and apart, and then back together once more.  
~

Darren tried his best to keep the polite smile plastered on his face and not grimace as he was blinded by the flashbulbs. Voices were calling out his name, asking questions and demanding his attention. Thankfully he wasn’t truly in the spotlight tonight, simply turning up to support a good cause, so he could decline interviews, as much as he was sure he _should_ be promoting his new movie. He was finally allowed to move on, holding out his elbow for his “date” for the evening...Christ he couldn’t even remember her name! She had been thrust at him as he was going out the door, with a stern look from Duncan not to protest. She was new, and Darren could tell, extremely nervous. He rubbed a palm against her arm, wordlessly guiding them inside so he could get a glass of scotch and let her mingle. It was the only reason any of these girls ever agreed to this; the connections they could make by being seen on his arm. 

Darren was busy swirling the amber liquid around his glass when he felt his phone buzz. Typically he would never have it on him at an event, but tonight he had swiped it, as he was really here to get seen and could care less about the shit he’d get about it later. He downed the rest of his drink before moving off to a secluded corner to check it, covering his laugh as it showed a picture of Chris wearing Brian around his shoulders. 

**Chris:** What do you think?

 **Darren:** Well I am sure he’s heavy enough to work your shoulders out, but as an accessory, I’d say he’s a bit 2005. 

**Chris:** Also danger of injury when wearing him. Little fucker clawed at my shoulders and then gave the most mournful cry when he landed. Pssh, like I’m giving him any pity. 

**Darren:** Is there a reason you’re started wearing your cat?

 **Chris:** Oh, was sending a pic to Han, she wanted to see how big he was. 

**Darren:** How is she?

 **Chris:** Stressed, since finals are very quickly approaching, but she’s already talking about summer courses, so…

 **Darren:** Isn’t she heading back to Clovis for the summer?

 **Chris:** For a while yeah, but there’s classes from July-August she wants to take, and Dad doesn’t want her to “sacrifice her education just so she can babysit him” so she’s only going to stay at home for the spring semester classes. 

**Darren:** She’s cray-cray.

**Chris:** Yup, but you gotta admire her drive.  
How’s the film going? 

**Darren:** Eh, we’re doing all the boring stuff right now, they don’t need me much. But I’m there a lot to do the background moments and working with the songwriting team to get my song working. 

**Chris:** That’s great! I can probably make it out in a few weeks, my editor is making me pull a few weekend shifts to make up for the time I took off earlier the year. You’ll be doing more then, so give me your schedule and we’ll work something out. I miss you. 

Darren placed his hand to his chest, feeling the ever present ring that hung under his shirt. It hadn’t left his person since he left Fresno, a reminder as to why he was suffering the way he was and how it would all be worth it. 

**Darren: I miss you too.**

With that, Darren closed the phone, moving back towards the bar, demanding a whiskey so that he could try and get through this night. His resolve towards carrying on like this was fading fast, and right now, he just needed to numb himself if he had any chance of making it through the next few months.  
~

Chris was mindlessly trying to find the right word to describe the latest movie he had been sent to review. He thought out loud to himself “Can I use terribad in the paper?” 

“I think Greg will give you a definite no on that one.” Came a voice from behind him and Chris had to restrain himself from groaning out loud. It was Todd, the sports reporter who had a _thing_ for Chris and a case of sudden deafness when the word no was uttered.

“So Colfer…” Todd started.

“No Todd,” Chris replied, knowing it was yet another invitation for a date that he knew was a veiled invitation for a perfunctory drink before a roll in the hay. 

“Come on, I know you’re working the weekends, but you can have one little drink with me. Or how about in a few weeks when you’re done with overtime?” Todd asked, his voice dripping with sleaze. 

“I won’t be here actually,” Chris replied, having already booked his ticket to LA. Darren had a rare Saturday free, and he would be allowed to go with him to the set on Sunday before he left. 

“Thought you stopped going home every weekend?” Todd asked. “I mean, you call your dad like every day, do you really need to go visit him too?”

Chris wondered if Todd really thought talking to him like this was endearing or if he was beyond caring. So he decided to do something to finally get the man to shut up and finally leave him alone. “Actually I going to LA to visit my boyfriend.”

“Since when do _you_ have a boyfriend?” Todd asked, like it was so ridiculous that anyone would want a relationship beyond the physical with Chris. 

“A few months now. Childhood friends who reconnected after Mom died. He’s an actor, so we’re doing the long distance thing right now, but we’re making it work.”

Todd shot Chris a disbelieving look, so Chris flipped out his phone, showing a picture of him and Darren squeezed together on Chris’ couch when he had come to visit the month prior. Todd gave a half shrug have defeated gesture. “Whatever Colfer, you call me when you get sick of pretty boy there.” 

Chris smiled and went back to his article, finally finishing it off with a flourish and sent it off to the editor, Greg. He glanced around furtively, as they weren’t supposed to have their phones out at work. Seeing he wasn’t being observed, he sent a sneaky text to Darren. 

**Chris:** So I may have told the jerkward in Sports that we’re dating to get him to lay the fuck off. Not your name, just a pic of us and that you’re an actor in LA.

 **Darren:** I should have thought of that eons ago! That douche has been bothering you since you started there. We’ll have to get more super cute pics when you’re here so you can plaster them around your cubicle obnoxiously. 

**Chris:** What if someone in my office recognizes you (and they will) and tells the tabloids?

 **Darren:** We tell them of our marriage and our awesome friendship and the lax sexual harassment policies at your workplace. 

Chris smiled at that, feeling the weight of the necklace Darren had given him to wear the ring on, so they would always be close to each other’s hearts. He had also done this like he was a cartoon character, so Chris had whacked him across the chest, but he still wore the thing every damn day. 

**Darren:** They’re calling me back to set, I have to go emote something fierce for this next scene. See you in three weeks?

 **Chris:** Two and a half! I can’t wait!  
~

When Chris landed in LA he wasn’t sure where to go, the airport like a thriving maze, the endless options swirling in his brain. He didn’t figure Darren could come pick him up himself, no matter how much he downplayed his own celebrity. Yet Chris wasn’t sure if he should go towards the car rental booths and see if he could wheedle an address out of Darren (who had insisted like Chris on no hotel). Or if he should wait around after getting his baggage and go with a driver Darren might send for him. 

What he didn’t expect was to be glomped within an inch of his life by Darren himself, poorly disguised in a beanie, hoodie and thick glasses. He accepted the hug but quickly glanced around for photographers, knowing Darren would hear from his ‘people’ if word got out about him near attacking people at the airport. 

“Hello darling hubby o’ mine.” Darren said with a grin, stealing Chris’ bags before he could even protest. “Your chariot awaits.” 

Chris followed Darren out into the bright sunshine, flipping some sunglasses onto his face and thanking God he had remembered to pack extra sunblock. Though, to be fair, it’s not like he didn’t go through plenty of the stuff during the summer months back home. But here the sunshine seemed more prevalent, more determined to remind you of it’s presence. Darren led Chris to a sleek black sports car, tossing the bags in the trunk before opening Chris’ door for him with a mocking bow. 

“Home Jeeves.” Chris replied as the door shut, causing a laugh to ring out from his temporary chauffeur. 

They pulled out into a line of traffic fairly soon after hitting the road, so Darren took the chance to turn towards Chris. “So is that Todd asshole still bothering you?” 

A small guffaw came from Chris at this “Nope! He seems to finally figured out that I’m no fun or something since I went and hooked up with some hotshot actor and decided to spend his time hitting on Rob in Advertising. They would actually be perfect for one another, so all’s well that ends well I suppose.” 

“So does that mean we don’t have to get you more obnoxious couple pictures to plaster your cubicle with?” Darren said with a fake over exaggerated pout. 

“Pssh, I need more pictures for my Chris & Darren album anyways, might as well take a few extra to keep the creeps away.”

The radio played softly in the background as the maneuvered out of the traffic, heading off to the hills in which Darren had his house nestled. It was a simple bungalow style home, nothing fancy, but a far cry from the wet cardboard shoebox of an apartment he’d first called home when moving out here. Truthfully he preferred his loft in New York, but it was being subleased by a friend doing a Broadway run, and since Darren was stuck in California for the foreseeable future, he was happy that it wasn’t just sitting there empty. 

He finally pulled up, smiling a little at Chris’ pleased face, after taking in the mansions they had passed and finally being met with the humble simplicity of his home. “Here we are, mi casa.” 

“It’s very you,” Chris said as they made it inside the front hall, the walls littered with pictures of his family and friends. He stifled a giggle when Darren kicked his shoes off while he slid his onto the mat by the door. Darren sent him a scowl and went off to place his bags in the spare room, Chris following behind noting the spotless kitchen, the instruments strewn around various surfaces, and a script thrown on the coffee table. 

Chris crept towards the script, determined to sneak a peak before a cry from Darren startled him. “Don’t think I don’t see you there Colfer! Don’t even think about touching that, you made me a promise about waiting until the screening!” 

Darren snatched up the sheets and with a mock glare at Chris tossed it into his bedroom. He then passed over a small bottle of Ambien. “Just in case you forgot yours, but feel free to come cuddle me if you’d rather do that instead.” 

Darren’s cheeks were flushed when he said that so Chris chose not to comment on the fact that he would much prefer the cuddles himself, but couldn’t chance making a fool of himself again. Or even worse, take advantage of Darren should he be curled around him when he had woken from a hot dream. Even though the thought of getting to do so was supremely tempting. “Thanks. So what’s the plan for the weekend?”

Darren took Chris’ silence a bit hardly, hoping he could get him to respond in a bit of a flirty manner, no matter how stupid that would be. His team were pushing him to make a statement regarding the movie in a way that downplayed the whole gay angle, to do more appearances with various girls. Consequently, he wanted to rebel, so sick of his life not being his own. Sure he may pay for it come Monday, but to have this 72 hours of freedom would be worth it. He was determined to stop hiding with Chris, to finally tell him the truth, consequences be damned. 

“Well I thought maybe we could paint the town tonight, eat at this nicer hidden place, hit a club. Then tomorrow we can do the touristy thing, go wherever you wanna go around town as long as you don’t mind me being incognito. Then Sunday I gotta film a few scenes, but I got you clearance to come with, you can see the thrilling world of filming the same three pages for five hours straight. Sound alright?”

“Pales in comparison to the lazy ass weekend I gave you.” 

“Yeah well that weekend I need nothing more than to relax, you need to blow off some steam from working non-stop and enjoy the first real vacation, however short, you’ve had in at least a year.” 

“More like two.”

“Geez man, you are way past due for some fun. We’ll go find some place to get stupid after a fancy ass meal. Go get yourself dressed and we’ll have a few drinks before we go.” 

Some time later, both men emerged from their rooms, and neither hid the once over they gave the other. Chris had donned a tight pair of black pants and a violet colored dress shirt, the buttons only done up to the top of his sternum. He had swirled his hair up higher than normal and thrown a worn leather cuff on his left wrist as well as a mocha colored leather coat to top off the entire ensemble. Darren for his part was wearing tight black pants, a white v neck shirt and blue blazer topping it off. His jaw was dusted with stubble and his hair was gorgeously rumpled, sheer sex hair if ever Chris saw it. He had to stop his knees from going out from under him in a swoon when Darren came out, one lone tuft of hair hanging over his left eye, a sultry smile on his lips. 

Darren sauntered over to the sideboard, pouring them both a few fingers of whiskey into heavy tumblers. They sipped slowly, not really talking, but the air thick with words unsaid. “You look good by the way,” Darren finally said, taking in how the pants accentuated Chris’ mile long legs. 

“Surprised you cleaned up so well. You have your styling team hiding in your room to get you so spiffy?” Chris snarked back, but still blushing at the fantasies of how he’d love to wreck Darren’s tousled do even more. 

“Pfft, I do own part of a company that sells grooming supplies, I would like to think I can handle looking decent enough for a da-” Darren cut himself off, but the word he was intending to say hung there between them. 

“Where are we going for food? I grabbed something before I boarded the plane, but I’m starving now,” Chris said, sidestepping the elephant in the room, seeing a bit of a relieved and grateful look on Darren’s face. 

“I called a car when I was changing, they should be here in a few, then off to a low-key Italian place I hope you’ll like. From there we have a few options as to clubs we can hit, but there’s one I’d really like to take you to, and we can hop from there if you don’t like it,” Darren replied, downing the last of his drink, gesturing for Chris to do the same as a horn honked in the driveway. 

“Shall we?” He asked, holding out his elbow, which Chris hesitantly took. Maybe they weren’t saying the word, but it seemed they were still treating it like a date, and both men were going to take this chance to try, even if it was confusing and dangerous. “You did want me to show you the town in style, so I figured I treat you the way you deserve as my favorite husband.”

“I damn well better be your only husband,” Chris replied, a teasing tone to his voice. They both laughed, thankful for a slight break in the tension, giggling as Chris got the door held open for him. Once they were sat back and a destination given, their hands found one another, tangling together on the seat between them. 

Once they got to the restaurant, however, Darren almost yanked his hand away, as if burned when he spotted a line of photographers outside the entrance. “Damn. Just our luck. We’ll have to go in the side and hope those vultures are gone when we leave. Sorry about that.” 

Chris nodded numbly, knowing Darren had his image to worry about. Knew not to take it as an affront to him, or as an insult. But it still stung that he couldn’t go out for dinner with his best friend without lewd assumptions being made. 

They snuck into the dining room, flagging down a server who said that they would have called to warn Darren if they had known. Instead they were escorted to their table, a candle burning low in the middle. The earlier mood of the evening was now broken, and seemingly forgotten, and the flickering light was almost a mockery of their now slightly soured mood. Darren decided to fuck those idiots and nudged Chris’ ankle with the toe of his shoe. “I’m so sorry about all this. Wasn’t what I wanted this night to be you know? Plus I doubt you want to have your picture all over those rags, even if would vastly improve their content.” 

“It’s okay Dare, I understand. Now what’s good here?” Chris plastered a smile on his face, not knowing why he was so disappointed. He had known they were just playing around, there could be nothing between them. Darren was a flirt yes, but he seemingly did this with everyone from the interviews Chris had seen. He was letting his crush run away from him, getting his hopes up that for one night his fantasy could be a shared reality. But then, would they survive it when morning came? Chris resolved to play it off as a friendly night out, and not let himself get caught up again. For the sake of his heart. 

As a basket of bread and some glasses of wine appeared, the boys munched quietly, both silently mourning what could have been with this night. They perused the menus, a selection of pasta and salad dishes, neither really paying attention to what they ordered, almost willing the portion of the evening where they got blindly drunk to come quicker. 

Chris decided to bite the bullet and speak first. “So tell me about these clubs we could hit up.” 

Darren nibbled on his garlic bread for a second, looking thoughtful and Chris had to wonder if Darren was re-evaluating the night entirely or just the clubs they could now safely go to. The silence was palatable, and Darren finally swallowed and took a swig of his wine before he spoke. “Well there’s **Revelation** , which is a dance place I go from time to time. Or there’s **Re-Bar** which is a bit more low-key, mostly drinks, smaller floor, a social spot rather than a bump and grind kind of joint. Or if you wanted, there’s **Le Cage** , which is the best gay club around. Good place to get your groove on, but not if you want to talk to the person whose uglies you want to bump with your own. I’ve been a few times, but only incognito, given the-” At this he gestured to the door where it seemed the photographers were still camped, and Chris had to wonder if they were waiting for Darren after being tipped off or if there was someone else famous here and they just had the worst luck. 

“Why were you at a gay club?” Chris had to ask, even though he had sworn in his mind that he shouldn’t. 

Darren shrugged “Went with a few friends the first time, had an awesome time. Got hit on a bunch, which was nice after a bad break up. Now I go because it’s a good place to blow off some steam and dance my cares away.”

Chris could tell by the look in Darren’s eyes that it wasn’t the complete truth and not for the first time wondered if Darren was hiding things from him. Did he not trust Chris? Did he think Chris would out him or think any differently of him because he might not be as straight as the media portrayed him to be? Or worse yet, did he think Chris would become predatory, move in because he thought of Darren as an option when Darren obviously did not feel the same? God, what if this “date” had been about Darren coming out to him and also to let him down gently because his crush was obvious from space? 

Chris couldn’t bear that thought, and promised himself for the thousandth time to get over Darren. For the sake of their friendship. Because as much as he liked Darren and would love a relationship with him would be awesome, he couldn’t bear the heartbreak and loneliness of not having his friendship any longer. These last few months together had shown Chris how empty his life was, revolving around work and his family, the few friends he had spread across the country and mostly keeping in touch via social media. But Darren, Darren brought him back to life, and he couldn’t lose not, especially over a silly crush that would...could go nowhere. 

Darren could see the turmoil on Chris’ face and couldn’t bear it. What was he thinking? Did he suspect Darren was lying to him? Worse yet, how would he react when he found out the truth? He would feel betrayed, feel like Darren couldn’t trust him. Sure, he has told Darren about how he came out in his own time, but it hadn’t been a surprise to most of those who had known him. But Darren? Had been hiding rather well, and while never outright lying by making no statements, he was letting everyone assume due to the image he projected to the world. Would it be better to tell Chris now and deal with the fallout or wait until he could tell the world, be open in all parts of his life? Hope for forgiveness and eventually romance? Darren was unsure, and decided to maybe laying the playing ground with a partial truth that night, that maybe he could be open to exploring his sexuality and make an eventual discovery. True, still a lie, but easier on everyone involved. 

Their entrees were delivered, and Darren finally spoke again while poking at the ravioli dish in front of him while Chris stared numbly at his penne. ”So, which club would rather? I’m open to any of them, or something else but those three are the least likely to have interruptions from vultures outside.” 

Chris pushed his fork around his plate, finally daring to take a bite, not even sure he remembered what he had order. The wonderful taste of garlic and a creamy alfredo sauce filled his mouth. He chewed slowly, savoring the flavor and avoided giving Darren an answer for as long as he could. “Oh, you choose. They all sound fine,” he finally answered, non-committally. 

Darren was enjoying the crab ravioli and looked at Chris’ face, a faraway look painted there, the joy from earlier gone from his voice. This night could not be ruined by some stupid paps, Darren vowed. ” **La Cage** it is then. You want to try this ravioli? It’s freaking delicious!” 

Chris looked up at him, as if he didn’t really know the man across from him, and it hit him that he really didn’t. For all their claims to be the best of friends, Chris realized that they tried to avoid the harder topics, like Darren’s image or Chris’ hardships. He wondered if maybe it was past time to talk, to go deeper for the both of them. Maybe tomorrow though, he could try his hardest to have one fun night before he potentially ruined everything. 

“Only if you try this penne, I bet it’s better,” he snarked back, opening his mouth dutifully and holding out a fork to Darren. 

“Loser buys the first round?” Darren asked.

“You’re on.” Chris replied.  
~

“Barkeep!” Darren shouted, the grin on his face blinding. “Please supply me with a scotch on the rocks, and my friend, who will be paying-” He said this part with a side-eye at Chris who gave a good natured grumble.

“Can order for himself and give me the same please,” Chris said as he slid a few bills across the counter. “Last time I challenge you to a bet.” 

“Live and learn Colfer,” Darren said as he sipped his drink, enjoying the warm burn that always came when he drank scotch. “You wanna hang by the bar or hit the dance floor after we finish these?” 

“One, these are sipping drinks, not slam them back and go drinks. Well, for me they are. Two, if you wanna go shake what you’ve got, don’t let me stop you,” Chris replied, taking yet another delicate sip of his drink, trying not to wince as the taste hit his tastebuds. He had no idea why he had ordered scotch, it was far from his favorite drink, and resolved to make a smarter choice of beverage in the future. 

Darren threw back the last of his drink and left the glass on the bar top. “Suit yourself, I’m off!” He yipee'd as he went into the thrumming crowd on the dance floor, the lights flashing in a multitude of colors. 

Chris had to give an amused smile as he drank slowly and watched Darren show off some spectacularly ridiculous moves. By the time he had finished off the last dregs of his drink, the song had finished and Darren came back, smiling brightly, a thin sheen of sweat shining on his forehead. “Come on Chris! Come dance with me!” he yelled, trying to pull on Chris’ arm to get him to join the fray of bodies on the floor. 

“I’m not a very good dancer,” Chris replied, though it could barely be heard over the pumping bass and techno beats blaring from the speakers. 

“You just gotta move your body! Trust me, you’re smoking and no one will be paying attention to how you dance, just to how awesome you look while you do!” 

“That makes no sense!” Chris cried, by now the two of them in the middle of the floor, arms flung into the air. 

“I know!” came Darren’s jubilant reply as he twirled, doing some silly head bobbing motion that had a peal of laughter escaping Chris’ throat. They kept trying to make the other laugh, doing shoulder shimmies, really bad twerking and an aborted disco move before they were laughing to hard to stand straight. They moved off the dance floor, holding one another up as they made their way to the bar, getting Darren another scotch and Chris a Long Island Ice Tea, something much more his style. 

Darren predictably finished his drink first, a bit more adept and experienced than Chris when it came to alcohol. He was looking almost longingly at the dance floor when Chris told him to go and he would catch up in a song or two. Darren didn’t really want to leave Chris alone at the bar for too long because he could already see several guys leering in their direction, and though it was stupid for him to be possessive he couldn’t help it. He gave Chris’ shoulder a tight squeeze before moving out to the dance floor, the music just making him want to move, but looked back at Chris as often as he could. 

Chris watched the men in the crowd sway and grind as the song continued, continuing to take long pulls from his glass, glancing out for Darren every so often, wondering how he would react to seeing Darren dancing with another man. He turned back to the bar, determined to not let his stupid jealousy get the best of him and thought about maybe switching to non-alcoholic fare for the rest of the evening when a fruity concoction with a mini umbrella was placed in front of him. “From the blonde gentleman down the bar.” The bartender said with a wink, gesturing to the fit looking man eyeing Chris as if he were a buffet on a deserted island. 

Chris was not a stranger to men hitting on him, he had been bought drinks and given numbers before. Hell he’s gone home with a handful of them. But that was back in Fresno, where the pickings were a bit more slim and he knew he was a catch there. But in LA he felt ordinary, and wondered just what this man could see in him? He gave a small smile and a wave as thanks, which caused the man to almost mosey his way over, a small smirk on his face. He sat next to Chris, sticking a beefy hand out. “Name’s Graham.”

“Chris.” 

“So Chris, what brings you to La Cage?” Graham signalled for another beer, taking a swig as he waited for Chris to answer. 

“Visiting LA and was brought here.” Chris took a small sip of his drink, his senses almost assaulted with the taste of citrus and rum. He tried not to cough from the taste and keep a polite smile on his face but subtly place the glass back on the bar top, playing with the straw but leaving the rest of the beverage where it was. 

“And someone left _you_ here at the bar all by your lonesome? Either they are blind or an idiot because you are fine,” Graham said, licking his lips and giving Chris the once over. 

“Oh, well he wanted to dance, and I was finishing off my drink…”

“Well how about you finish off the one I gave you and we’ll hit the floor ourselves, show them how it’s done?”

Chris almost screwed up his face at the thought of drinking the rest of that concoction, instead took a small sip, and dragged Graham away, hoping the glass would be collected and disposed of by the time he returned. 

However, when he hit the dance floor, Chris decided he would have rather drank five more of those terrible rum things than dance with the human octopus who was his current dance partner. Graham had brought him close...too close for the song they were dancing to, had his hands plastered to his ass, and was strong enough that Chris couldn't really push him away. He looked around desperately for Darren, seeing him glancing around for him worriedly, and then catching sight of him with an almost devastated look on his face. Chris widened his eyes, shaking his head subtly and mouthed the word ‘Help’. 

The rage that then encased Darren’s face would be considered scary if it didn’t kind of turned Chris on that someone could care about him so much. Darren stalked over to him, practically ripping Graham’s hands off his ass. 

“Hey buddy what’s the big idea? He asked me to dance with him!” Graham shouted, his face almost red, arms bulging.

Darren just looked at him calmly. “Well maybe he did, but probably didn’t ask you to accost him or grab his ass. And seeing as how he’s my boyfriend, I would very much appreciate it if you kept your hands to yourself.” At this Chris snuggled himself into Darren, sure his relieved look would help sell the part, pressing a kiss to Darren’s cheek. 

“Thanks sweetie.” He was about to thank Graham for the drink (somewhat disingenuously) but when he turned the other man was stalking off, mumbling about “fucking cockteases” and Chris had to do everything in his power not to bust out laughing. 

Darren looked at Chris, happy to see him smiling and laughing once more. “You’re alright? He didn’t hurt you did he?” 

“Other than my tastebuds with the horrid rum thing he bought me? No.” 

“Well then _now_ will you dance with me?” 

Chris agreed, turning in Darren’s arms, the slow beat thrumming through his body as he felt Darren’s chest against his back. Arms were wound around his waist, but while with Graham it had felt imprisoning and almost suffocating, with Darren he felt cherished. It was a sensual rhythm to which they moved, lost in their own little world. Chris had one arm wrapped around Darren’s arms, feeling the warmth of his skin, the slamming beat of his pulse and he just...let go. Let go of his worries and inhibitions as the lull of the music cast it’s spell. He rested his head on Darren’s shoulder, staring up at him with half lidded eyes, bringing his other hand to tangle in the silky and slightly sweaty curls that had been teasing him all night. Darren groaned at the slight pull, bringing his lips to Chris’ ear as he did so, letting the skin brush, his teeth almost close enough to nip and bite at the elfin like points there. 

Their bodies swiveled together, knees bending and straightening, Chris’ ass brushing and pushing against the increasing tightness of Darren’s pants. Their arms got tighter as the breathing picked up, their eyes staring into one another, communicating silently. 

_Do you want this?_

_Do **you**?_

Their lips moved closer together, eyelids slipping closed. They could taste each other’s breath, their bodies almost still, except where their fingers found the other’s around Chris’ hips. A mere millimeter of space was between them, a mere breadth of space would be all that would be needed to close in order for what they had been denying themselves to be fulfilled. 

A sudden loud needle scratch rang out through the club as the song changed to rhyme-heavy rap and the moment was broken. Chris practically tore himself out of Darren’s arms, almost running for the bar to order a shot of tequila. Darren stood out on the dance floor, his hopes dashed around him before he silently followed, getting his own shot, the both of them looking at anything but the other. The bitter liquid could do nothing to erase the regret they both felt. 

“Do you wanna go?” Darren asked, almost whisper quiet. 

“It’s probably for the best,” Chris replied, equally quiet, mourning what could have been, but knowing that booze made him stupid and apparently forget the promises he had made himself just earlier that evening. 

Darren nodded, gesturing for the bartender to settle their tab while he tapped out a message on his phone. “Car should be here in five.” 

Chris nodded numbly, not saying another word as they made their way outside, the cool air blowing through them, like an awakening of how stupid they had been to ever think they could get away with testing fate like they had. They both climbed into the car and only gave each other perfunctory good nights as they went to their respective rooms. Chris glanced at the Ambien bottle, knowing he’d never sleep without it but it was never smart to mix it with alcohol, so he threw himself on the bed and prepared himself for a very long, sleepless night, the images of the evening replaying themselves in his mind as night gave way to dawn. Not knowing that Darren was in a similar sleepless state just down the hall, longing to creep down into his room but knowing that it would be the stupidest idea ever. It was obvious Chris didn’t care for him the same way with how he had run from him after their almost kiss. It was hopeless.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, both of them slumped out to the kitchen, coffee was brewed and a giant stack of pancakes was left in the warmer, plus sandwiches for lunch in the fridge according to a note left by Mrs. Yates, Darren’s cook. “She lives next door, has her own key, so I usually only see her a few times a week when I’m here for meals. She just leaves things otherwise,” he explained as he downed the dark blend, sighing as the caffeine rushed through his system. 

Chris said nothing, too busy downing his coffee and stuffing his face with pancakes. Apparently a night of constant regret made him famished. That or he was trying to avoid talking and confronting the situation as much as possible. Darren dug into his own meal, almost moaning at how good the food was, especially after a night of drinking. Sure, neither of them had been more than buzzed, but food always seemed so much better afterwards, no matter how much alcohol he had imbibed. 

“You still down for going to all the tourist spots today?” Darren asked. 

Chris swallowed the last of the truly delectable pancakes, it almost felt like a lump of sawdust caught in his throat though. He wasn’t sure if he could get through another two days of mixed signals from Darren. “Won’t your management have something to say about you playing tour guide?” He asked in a somewhat bitter tone. 

Okay...apparently grumpy Chris had decided to come out this morning. Darren wondered the best way to respond that would not get him bitched out terribly. “Well I did tell them I would be, they just told me to go incognito. The paps don’t usually hang around those places, and any fans of mine will hopefully be polite, but we’ll try and avoid them if we can.” 

Chris didn’t look reassured so Darren pushed on “Look, to be completely honest, they weren’t happy about it. But I am just...so sick of them controlling my life. I am not a child who has no say in how he appears, but that’s how they treat me. So I’m doing what I want for once and will deal with them come Monday, as they work for me, not the other way around. Once this movie is over…” Darren stopped, realizing he had said too much. 

“What happens when the movie finishes Darren?” Chris asked, his tone still a little biting, but more curious than anything. 

Darren sighed, his shoulders slumping. “The studio I am currently under contract with agreed to release me after this movie finishes, so then I am out from under their thumb and their ridiculous morality clause. I’ll be a free agent with total control over my career, allowed to finally release my own music, be my true self, not this stupid playboy image they’ve painted for me.”

“That’s not you?” Chris asked, but the mirth was evident. 

“No, it’s not,” Darren said, his voice serious. “I want to settle down. I might be a flirt, but I do want love, true love in one person who I can build a life with. Once I’m free...I can be my true dorky self, have a better chance to get to know someone who can get to know...to love me for who I really am, not who this studio is trying make people believe I am.” 

“But the movie won’t be done for-”

“Months. Plus post and then release.”

“That’s terrible. You have to live like this for almost a year?” 

“I’ve been doing it for years now already. Biding my time until the contract is up.” 

Chris grabbed him into a hug. “I’m so sorry, I never knew.” 

“There’s nothing you can do, didn’t want you to worry.” 

“I’m your husband, it’s my job to worry doofus.” Chris replied with a watery laugh. “Now I know you promised me a day of touristy traps, but I would actually prefer to stay in today. Just be our own lazy selves. Would that be okay?” 

Darren sent him a grateful smile, knowing that as much as he wanted to act out, it would be akin to a childish tantrum if he did, not exactly proving his point about not being a child. Plus a day with just the two of them sounded heavenly. “Disney marathon?”

“It’s like you read my mind.” 

The two of them snuggled on the couch, Darren feeling so much lighter now that Chris knew the truth. Well...enough of it. For some reason, he couldn’t make himself say the words he so much wanted to say. However, with the circumstances out there, he was sure that Chris would understand why he didn’t say anything. The opening credits of Mulan played, and both men sighed in contentment. Though the night of no sleep followed by an emotionally draining conversation quickly weighed on them both, and before Donny Osmond started singing they were both fast asleep, smiles on both of their faces.   
~

Some time later Darren awoke, smiling down at Chris. “We really need to stop doing this or else I won’t be able to sleep without you.” Chris for his part, snuggled further into Darren’s chest, still half asleep. Darren laughed quietly, gently brushing Chris’ hair away from his face. “Seems you might already be there. Which I don’t mind, but maybe we should get up, have some lunch. See if we can actually make it through a movie.” 

Chris began to grumble a little. “You talk too much.” 

“So I’ve been told. Come on, let’s eat before we fuse to this couch.” 

They sat at the island, nibbling on sandwiches, tossing grapes back and forth, seeing who could catch more with their mouth, the floor being declared the unanimous winner. Darren scratched his stomach as he rummaged through his cupboards, looking for something a bit sweeter, Saturday being the only day he allowed himself to cheat diet wise. Chris was gathering the grapes into the dustpan before he came up behind him. “Whatcha lookin’ for?” He asked, hitching his chin over Darren’s shoulder. 

“Cookies. Which I don’t have because my nutritionist won’t let Mrs. Yates keep them in the house. So now I am a grumpy Dare.” he said with an exaggerated pout to display his unhappiness at the situation. 

Chris began rummaging through the cupboards himself, extracting various jars and containers. “Do you buy the groceries for her or does Mrs. Yates bring what she needs?” 

“Bit of both, though I think she hides the unhealthy stuff I buy and apparently don’t keep in a secret enough place.” Darren responded, looking at the conglomeration of ingredients on his counter. “Should I ask what you’re doing?”

“Aha!” Chris replied, holding aloft a bag of chocolate chips that Darren prayed weren’t actually carob chips or something like that. Chris noticed him looking at him like he was crazy. “Oh, well since you want cookies and now that you mentioned it, I really want them, thanks for that by the way…” Chris kindly scowled at him to which Darren gave a mocking bow. “We are going to make some goddamn cookies. Go raid your fridge for eggs and butter while I see if I can find a mixer in this mess.” 

“Cooking with Chris part two?”

“I should start charging you, or at least be begging you not to sic your diet team on me when they find out I taught you how to make cookies.” 

“Pfft, I don’t trust myself not to burn them horribly without your supervision, don’t worry,” Darren said as Chris pre-heated the oven.

“Probably a smart idea. Now to start we have to cream together the butter and sugar.” Darren looked at Chris as if he had spoken in Flemish instead of English. “I’ll measure, you just use the mixer.” 

Eventually they had a bowl of cookie dough. They also had flour over the counter, splashes of mix on them both, a streak of baking powder on Chris’ cheek and remnants of egg on Darren’s. Darren snuck a finger into the mix, ignoring Chris’ shriek about raw egg and declared it delicious. He scooped another little bit up and offered it to Chris. 

Chris looked at Darren and saw the pleading look on his face. “Fine, but if I get salmonella poisoning I am blaming you.” He stuck the finger into his mouth, at first intending to quickly suck the dough off but his brain decided to betray him. He licked a little, almost fellating the finger for half a second before he realized what he was doing and quickly withdrew his mouth, giving a perfunctory moan of approval for the taste. Both of their faces were red and Darren turned to adjust himself while fiddling with the drawer to get a scoop with which to drop the dough onto the baking sheet. 

Chris berated himself in his mind for yet again making things awkward between them while Darren was still so tempted to throw caution to the wind and just be out with the real truth. To make Chris his, even if it would suck to live life in secrecy, he could have the man he wanted and who was at least marginally interested in being with him as well. But when he turned to tell Chris he only saw his back, facing the living room, his shoulders tense. Chris swiveled a little so Darren could see a weak smile on his face, hand held out for the cookie scoop. _No_ , Darren thought, _I can’t do that to him, he deserves better, he deserves to live life with someone who can be proud to be seen with him._

They quietly scooped and set the cookies in the oven, the silence almost suffocating as the timer counted down. Even the smell of baking chocolate and the prospect of warm cookies could do nothing to really lessen the tension. Both of them could barely look at one another, the air heavy with words unsaid and thoughts unvoiced. When the blaring of the oven cut through the air like a knife, nether moved immediately, using it as a time out for everything they were dealing with. Chris grabbed the mitts and took the cookies out, the smell hitting them and bringing smiles to their faces once more. “We should have made enough to bring to the set tomorrow.” He remarked as he set the cookies onto the cooling rack, smacking Darren’s hand away as he tried to grab a cookie. “You’ll burn your mouth.” 

Darren winced a little, pouting with classic puppy dog eyes to see if Chris would relent, but he was unmoving. “Nah if we made enough for everyone on set I would be out of eggs and butter and well...my diet people would definitely hear about it and I’d catch hell. But we made enough that you can take a few home so I don’t eat them all.”

“You say that like we won’t have them all gone before I leave tomorrow.” Chris snarked as he laid the last of the cookies on the rack. “Go pour us some big glasses of milk, queue up a movie we actually won’t fall asleep to and by the time you actually choose one, the cookies will be ready to eat.” 

Darren grabbed a few pillows and blankets because as much as they said no more napping together, he knew they would inevitably do so and he would rather they be comfy as they did. He did debate a few minutes over which movie to watch, and eventually grabbed the Star Wars saga, wondering how many they would get through before bed that night. He set the coffee table with the milk and held an arm out for Chris who had a plate full of cookies, the steam still rising but not enough that it would kill his tastebuds to eat them. 

“Terrible prequels first?”

“New Hope, Empire, terrible prequels, Jedi. Best way to watch them.” 

“Have to add the new one to the end when Force Awakens comes out on DVD. Saw you got to go to the premiere you lucky bastard.” 

“So I shouldn’t tell you about the time I got to hug Chewbacca?” 

The answer to that was a pillow to the face.   
~

Carmella Yates had been working as a cook to the stars for over a decade now, after retiring from the restaurant business. She quite liked doing it, gotten to meet and know some rather famous people. The only issue was that most of them were on restrictive diets so she missed working with fats, salt and cooking desserts of any kind. 

For the past few years she’d had the distinct pleasure of working for the young Mr. Criss, a pleasant man who was always nice to her, bought whatever foods she asked him to when his management forgot to provide her with a menu for the week. She had seen less of him lately since he was filming so much of the time, but he did tell her he would have company this weekend, a friend from Fresno was coming to stay. She had smiled secretly at that, hoping the friend was actually a lovely young woman whom Darren was seeing on the sly. He was often alone, and Carmella didn’t think it was right for such a wonderful man to not have love in his life. 

So she was surprised when she let herself into the house on Saturday night to make a romantic meal to find Darren sitting on the couch flicking popcorn at another young man, a movie’s end credits playing on the television. She however, had plenty to say when she saw the state of his counter, clear evidence of the boys making cookies. She knew that Alyce who did the cleaning didn’t come on the weekends, so she hoped she was not expected to clean this mess in order to cook. 

She let out a rather loud cough to interrupt the men who looked at her with identical sheepish looks on their faces. “Oh, hi Mrs. Yates. Didn’t realise you’d be here yet. We were just going to clean up our mess. Why don’t you help yourself to a cookie while we do that?” Darren said, dragging the other man by the wrist into the kitchen. “I’ll do the dishes, you put everything away and clean the counters.” 

“Why do I have to put it away?”

“Because Chris, you took it all out and probably know better than me where it all goes. Hell, I didn’t know I even _had_ half this shit until you dragged it out. Plus do you really _want_ to do the dishes?” 

“I’m your guest.” 

“You’re my husband so pull your damn weight.” 

“Darren!” The name was hissed and Carmella fought to keep her face neutral as this Chris side-eyed her. She extracted a cookie from the pile silently and went back out to the living room, tutting at the mess of popcorn on the floor. She wondered if there was even a vacuum for them to clean it up. 

“I’ll explain it to her, don’t worry. Plus she technically works for me, she’s paid to keep stuff to herself. Hell Chris she has a key to the place, which I gave her, meaning I trust the woman. Okay?” Darren whispered, laying his hands on Chris’ shoulders, trying to reassure him. 

“Okay. I’m going to go pick up the popcorn before she burns us alive with that glare of hers though. You’d think she was channeling your mom or something.” 

“I suspect she and Ma are in cahoots some days honestly. Though it does mean I get some Filipino dishes when I’m feeling particularly homesick.” 

Chris smiled at that, wiping the counter down before he grabbed the broom and dustpan. He quickly cleaned up the mess they had left when arguing over if Empire or Jedi was better after the former had ended. He noticed Mrs. Yates had moved off somewhere else in the house, hopefully to give them some privacy. He also switched the disc so that the next movie could play when the meal was being made, as weirded out as Chris was about that. Darren had said that he had told the woman she didn’t need to come over on Saturday, as they could fend for themselves, but she had insisted. Probably because she didn’t trust Darren in the kitchen and apparently had no idea who Chris was. 

Mrs. Yates crept back into the kitchen, silently observing Chris meticulously cleaning their mess while Darren scrubbed at the various utensils they had used. He saw her out of the corner of his eye though and remarked “I can see you watching him. He’s a friend, been so since we were kids.”

“According to you, he’s also your husband?” She remarked dryly. 

“Oh, we staged a pretend wedding as kids. It’s a joke between us now.” Darren glanced, seeing Chris was now brandishing a dustbuster, though where he found it was beyond him. As the whirr of the machine went on Darren said in a lower tone of voice “I know I’m supposed to have some stupid low fat kale dish or something tonight, but do you think you could do some mac and cheese instead? It’s his favorite, his mom used to make it for us all the time and I think he’d really like it.” 

Carmella looked at the contents of the refrigerator and peered into a cabinet, nodding slightly. “Was there a certain way she used to do it?” 

“Breadcrumbs on top to make a crust, extra cheese. I’m also convinced she hid veggies in there, but I don’t know how. However you want honestly.” Darren laid the last dish on the drying rack and let the sink drain. “I’ll put the dishes away later. And leave any you make dirty tonight, we’ll get them later.” 

“I’ll let you boys know when it's done.” 

“Thanks Mrs. Yates. We’re going to continue our movie marathon if that’s okay? He’s going home tomorrow and I want to spend as much time with him as I can.” 

“You care for him very much.” She observed, noticing Chris had finished his cleaning and was glancing back at them, a sort of heavy glance to his eyes. Darren blushed a little and nodded. “Well good, about time. Now shoo.” She said before motioning him out of the kitchen, back to the couch where she could see him whispering to Chris gently and then holding open his arms for a hug. A tentative one was given, but then Chris moved away, glancing back at her, as if she was watching and judging them. She gave a warm smile and began grating the cheese as the water for the noodles boiled, paying no mind when they began to move closer as some sci fi picture started up on the screen. 

The pod race of Episode 1 was just cluing up when Mrs. Yates came into the living room, her coat already on. “Excuse me gentlemen, the food is ready. It’s been dished up and the rest is on the counter. Put a lid on it and then into the fridge once it’s cool if there’s leftovers. I’ll see you Monday Darren. Nice to meet you Chris.” 

The boys waved at her from their embrace on the couch, Chris’ face a bit red, Darren acting very non-chalant for having another man in his arms. “See you Monday, enjoy your day off!” 

As the door closed Chris asked “She doesn’t eat with you?”

“Nah, her family is next door and they cook for her since she spends her time cooking for me. I always ask but she never says yes. They do invite me over if I’m not home for holidays though.” 

They hit pause on the movie and made their way to the kitchen, Chris’ face lighting up with a smile as he saw the simple meal in front of him. “You remembered.” 

“I figured since we’re having a lazy kind of childish day at home, why not top it off with our favorite childhood meal?” 

They both dug into, moaning as the cheesy flavor filled their mouths, bringing back memories of doing just this many times for that brief time they had so many years ago.  
~

“Moooooooooom it’s raining and we’re _bored_!” Chris whined, looking melancholy as he and Darren stared outside to the wet darkness. They had been hoping that the rain would let up so they could go splash in the puddles or maybe even ride their bikes around the block. Yet it had only gotten worse, so they had been sequestered inside. They had colored, watched a few VHS tapes, played Ninja Turtles and now they were just finished making a blanket fort in the Colfer’s living room. 

Karyn sighed and continued mixing the cheese sauce into the noodles she had just finished boiling. Of all the days for Tim to be called into work, it had to be the day when she was stuck inside with two very active boys. She would have called Cerina over to keep her company but had taken Chuck to a doctor’s appointment and then had needed to run some errands, understandably taking her time on the slippery roads. She finished off the meal and stuck it in the oven, wondering how she could occupy two four year olds for the half hour it would need to cook. She spotted her packet of seeds and smiled, a figurative light bulb going off over her head. 

They went out to the garage, throwing their painting smocks over their clothes to avoid the worst of the dirt. She showed them how much soil to put in the small terracotta pots she had, giving them each a seed to place in and then more soil and a sprinkle of water. By the time the oven went off, there were around a dozen planters full, both boys having dirty hands and a few smudges on their cheeks but all complaints of boredom had long since ceased. She sent them off to wash their hands and faces as she did the same before taking the casserole dish out of the oven and calling them to eat. Peace at last. 

“This is so yummy Mommy!” Christopher said, his mouth full and cheeks bulging. Darren nodded emphatically besides him. Karyn ate more daintily, but was warmed that the boys enjoyed her food, as simple as it was. Plus hopefully nice warm food on such a cold miserable day would make them a little sleepy come bath and bedtime. Or at least that Tim would be home by then. It would be good practice for when their second child arrived...in about 7 months.  
~

Both of them were yawning by the time the Ewoks were singing Yub Nub, worn out by a day of doing nothing. Darren glanced over at Chris who was rubbing his eyes in a fruitless effort to keep himself awake. “Hey, I forgot to ask if that Ambien helped you sleep last night.” He queried, scratching at the back of his neck.

“Oh, never took it. Not smart after I’ve been drinking, learned that lesson the hard way. We’ll see how it goes tonight, though I am actually tired enough that I might not even need it.” Chris punctuated his sentence with a yawn that caused an audible pop of his jaw. 

“No wonder you conked out so hard during our nap this morning.”

“Like you can say much Van Winkle.”

“Yeah, drinking doesn’t do me any favors when it comes to the sleeping department. Though I am with you on it being bedtime. Who knew being lazy could be so tiring?”

“It’s probably because you work yourself too hard, just your body catching up on the sleep you don’t normally let it have.” 

“You’re probably right. But right now, I can hear my bed calling for me so I’m gonna hit the hay. You coming too?”

“Mmm sleep.”

They stumbled down the hall, hugging tightly at the door to Chris’ room before Darren ambled off, both practically collapsing into sleep as soon as they hit their respective pillows. The Ambien bottle lay forgotten once more on the nightstand, a taunting reminder to an already unconscious Chris that this would be another long night. 

Darren was awoken sometime after two, hearing various crashes and bangs from the kitchen. Had he forgotten to lock the door and set the alarm? He hitched his phone out, fingers ready to dial 911 as he fumbled out of bed and crept towards the source of the noise. However, instead of burglars, he found an apparently sleepwalking Chris who looked to be trying to prepare himself a mug of warm milk. Darren chuckled at it, causing Chris to glance towards him, bleary eyed but evidently very awake. 

“Oh, did I wake you? Sorry. Totally forgot the Ambien again and it’s way too late to take it now, so i figured warm milk might help. Go back to bed Dare, I’ll be fine.” 

“You gotta start putting reminders for your meds on your phone oh hubby of mine. I thought you might be someone breaking in.” He waved his now dormant phone. “But how about you make us both some disgusting milk and I’ll tuck you back in with some patented Criss cuddles so we can be functioning adults come the ass crack of dawn when I have to be on set?” 

“I don’t think 9AM quite qualifies as an unbearable call time there hun,” Chris replied as he poured the steaming liquid into two mugs, both of them sitting on the stools, sipping quietly. 

“This is actually really good, I thought it would be disgusting,” Darren said. 

“Would be better with some Bailey’s in it,” Chris replied, and for some reason, this caused them to both burst out laughing. Darren was doubled over in his seat, almost snorting. Chris had tears streaming down his face, ears turning pink as his giggles continued. 

They eventually quieted down, though some sniggers made their way out as they finished their drinks. It was an unspoken agreement that had them both heading back to Darren’s room, scrambling under the covers and snuggling close together when Darren held out his arms. A quiet sigh could be heard from the both of them as they settled in place. Sleep was quick to come upon them, smiles still stretching their faces as they drifted off. 

Hours later Darren’s alarm started blaring, causing both men to grumble and try to bury their heads further into the bedding in order to ignore the noise. “Remind me again why you’re filming on a Sunday?” Chris groaned, smacking his lips together.

“Well I had to pick _somebody_ up from the airport Friday, and the crew said we could have the afternoon off if we came in today,” Darren replied, rubbing at his eyes to clear the grit from them. “Come on, you go shower and I’ll scramble some eggs, that I can at least handle.” 

“‘Kay,” Chris replied, pressing a kiss to Darren’s forehead as he walked towards the hall. “Thanks for the Criss cuddles, I really needed the sleep.” 

“Never a problem.” 

Later as they drove to the set, Chris asked, “So what are you filming today?” 

“Scott finds out about about Marianne, big confrontation.”

“Sounds fun.”

“Sounds like I may be hoarse and covered in tears by day’s end.” 

“I’ll keep the tissues and water handy then?”

“Please.” 

Chris got introduced to everyone on set, looking around in wonder, blindsided by the artificiality of everything as well as getting to meet some real celebrities. He knew Darren was famous, sure, but he could never think of him that way, not really. He got situated in Darren’s chair and smiled at the assistant who waited on him, making sure he was comfortable. But it was when the scene started that he got his real shock. Because that man on set? That was not Darren. Sure they looked the same, but his voice was softer, even in anger. His mannerisms were more subdued, his entire stance rigid as he stood over the man who he thought himself in love with and confronted his lies. 

“Wow,” he whispered. He had checked out a few of Darren’s older projects and he knew his friend was talented, but this was otherworldly. Darren had become this role, showing how invested he was in making it believable. 

“He’s something isn’t he?” whispered Jemma, the assistant who had been looking after him. 

“I had no idea how much of a something,” Chris replied, making sure he was quiet enough not to have the director or sound people glare at him. 

A cut was called and Darren transformed back into himself, all smiles and bright eyed. But he was quieter as he bounced over to Chris, taking a swig from the proffered water bottle and wiped the tears and sweat from his face. He was sure the make up ladies were glaring at him, but they would have to redo it all anyways for the second take. However his smile didn’t seem to fool Chris who asked him quietly if he was okay. 

“Yeah, scene takes a lot out of me, and it’s hard to step in and out of Scott’s skin some days. The more emotional stuff makes it all the harder on me. By the end of the day I’m sure I will be a big emotional mess. So I may be a bit more sullen and withdrawn than you’re used to when I bring you to the airport.”

“You know if you’d rather take the time to decompress I can get a car, it’s no big deal.” 

“Chris believe me when I say I would much rather have a quiet ride with my favorite person than go home and wallow because he’s gone and we had a shitty goodbye on set. Okay?”

Chris could feel his face flush and could see Jemma not listening rather intensely, and knew he would probably hear about this exchange later. “Okay.” 

Darren smiled and ran off back to have his makeup reset so they could run through the scene again. Chris side-eyed Jemma and almost seethed out the phrase, “Not. One. Word.”   
~

“So cliché airport goodbye or private car goodbye?” Darren joked as they pulled into the airport parking lot. 

“I think you had probably better stay here given I can see at least five photographers cruising around the entrance.” 

Darren swore under his breath, hating that fate seemed to be really against him giving Chris a proper farewell when it came to the airport. “Damn, you’re right.”

“I usually am.” 

“Jerk.”

“You know you love me,” Chris quipped then paled and turned to Darren, ready to explain himself when Darren laid a gentle hand on his knee. 

“Yeah, I do. And you love me. Thus the whole best friends thing.”

Both of them tried not to deflate at the words or Chris’ nod. They shared a warm hug before Darren popped the trunk. “I probably can’t get away anymore until filming is done, but come visit me whenever you can, I’ll make time for you, okay?”

“Hannah has spring break soon, so I’ll probably go back and see her and Dad then, but maybe after that?” Chris had one foot out on the asphalt as he looked back sadly at Darren. “Take care, and I’ll come back to see you as soon as I can okay?”

“Call me when you’re home and give Brian a big hug for me.” 

Chris nodded as he grabbed his things and went towards the door, resolutely not looking back. It was fair play after all, even if it hurt like hell to do it. He pulled out one of the cookies that were left over as he went to drop off his bags, chomping into it, willing chocolate to help soothe the ache he felt in leaving this place, and more importantly, in leaving Darren.   
~  
“Ugh.” Darren groaned as the Skype connection let him see Chris and the wide grin on his face. 

“So how’d the love scene go?” Chris asked, his voice full of cheek.

“Nice try.”

“Oh come on! We both know your job is far more interesting than mine, so spill.”

“Nope. Tell me about your day,” Darren said with a glare to let Chris know the subject had been dropped. 

“Killjoy. It was fine, I might be getting a front page article if things work out,” he said off-handedly, grinning at Darren’s excited noise.

“Shit, Chris! What about?” 

“Oh, scandal over spending in the mayoral office. I got to cover it, but the editor is awaiting some fact checking. If it turns out to be legit, I get a front page byline!” 

“Chris that’s awesome! I’m so proud of you!” 

“Thanks, I’ll probably get it framed. And if it does get published this’ll open the door to real investigative journalism and less entertainment reviews. Which aren’t terrible, but not exactly a career I wanted.”

“My fingers and toes are crossed for you. When will you find out?” 

“Tomorrow morning, and then it’ll be in Friday’s edition so I can grab a copy to bring home to Dad.” 

“Send me a copy too, will you?”

“Darren why do you want to read an exposé on Fresno local politics?”

“Because you wrote it, duh.” 

Chris gave a quiet “Oh” at that, feeling the blush creeping up his neck and into his cheeks. He wished that Darren would keep flirting with him, even if it wasn’t _like that_. Though he already knew no man acted towards a gay man like Darren did and not want at least a little more than friendship. Plus the almost-kiss and Darren’s own comments about his life being out of his control-- Chris figured Darren would tell him the truth when the time was right. 

But he still didn’t take the suggestive comments as anything more than Darren being a flirtatious person, could never think that Darren could possibly be interested in Chris as anything more than a fling. In the end, their friendship was always worth more than passing lust. Or Darren had been caught up in the moment at the club and had only stopped when he remembered it was _Chris_ he was almost kissing, and he had just placed his pent-up feelings onto whoever was closest. Either way, Chris knew his crush was still hanging around but he kept pushing it aside and was determined to see if Gavin, the new guy in 5C was interested in coffee. If only to force himself to move on from these feelings. 

“So how long will you be in Clovis while Hannah’s on break?” Darren asked.

“Oh, I’ll be back Tuesday, work let me take Monday off. I may go out again next weekend too since Han will be there until that Sunday and I’d like to see her.”

“Do you think you could pencil me in two weekends after that? I know that’s the beginning of May, but I’ll have that weekend off, and I’d like to see you again.”

“I should be able to manage that. Maybe even stay the Monday to sneak onto your set again, you should be doing some end scenes by then right?” Chris winked at him.

“I think there may be one or two on the schedule for then. But you’re not seeing the ending until we go to the screening together. You promised Colfer!”

“Fine, ruin my plan. See if I come visit you.” Darren gave his best puppy dog pout at that, trying his best to look truly pathetic. Chris groaned, waving a hand at the screen “Oh God, put them away! I relent! I’ll see you the first weekend of May alright?”

Darren gave a little fist pump before forwarding Chris the number for his travel card. They had fought about Darren paying for his flights, but Darren had argued that he had more disposable income. “Besides, what good is having all this money if I can’t use it to spoil my friends? Plus Chris, it’s kind of selfish on my part, I just really want to see you.” Chris had finally agreed, but refused to allow Darren to give him any gifts or do any other spoiling. 

“Okay man, I gotta hit the hay, it was a long day and I have to be back there early tomorrow to do it all again. I’ll see you in a few weeks, and if I don’t hear from you before you leave, say hi to your dad for me.”

“Sweet dreams Dare.” 

Friday morning Darren was just getting out of makeup when his phone buzzed with a text. He glanced around quickly before pulling it out, since he was technically not supposed to have his phone on set. But his face broke out into a smile when he saw a picture of a newspaper byline stating the article was written by Chris Colfer. 

**Darren:** I expect my copy by early next week!

**Chris:** I may have already put it in the mail? :D

“Darren! We’re ready for you on set so stop texting Chris and your butt up here! Jemma take his phone if you need to!” Mark called, though his teasing was good natured. 

Jemma smile but held her hand out none-the-less. Darren gave a bit of a confused look. “How did he know I was…”

“Because it’s always Chris. You talk about him almost as much as I talk about Andy and he’s my freaking husband!” Jemma said, poking him a little as she took his phone. “Don’t worry, I’ll text him and let him know you’re on set. Go before Mark blows a gasket!” She made a shooing motion with her hands and shook her head at him. She wondered how long it would be before Darren came out and admitted he was dating Chris. Hopefully soon, because the cast and crew pool was growing and she really wanted to win the pot!  
~

“Hmmm,” Tim murmured as he scanned the article Chris had written, his son nearly biting his nails off in exasperation and worry. 

“Dad I know you can read faster than that. Come on, tell me what you thought!” Chris urged, rolling his eyes when his father held up a finger indicating he would just be a minute. 

“Well…” Tim started, a sly smile painting his face. “I think you may want to lay low so the mayor doesn’t put a hit out on you since this will surely cost him votes, if not his job. Excellent job Christopher.” 

Chris was relieved his dad had liked it. Sure, he had always been closer to his mom, but no two parents had ever been more supportive of him than his. His Father had helped him get signed up for writing workshops, driving him to each college without complaint when it came to be admissions time. Chris also knew that his dad still kept the scrapbook she had been making of his articles, and this one would surely be added when he wasn’t looking. “Thanks Dad.” He pulled his father into a quick hug before he went off to the kitchen to start on supper while Hannah got settled in her room. 

Chris decided to make macaroni and cheese. Even though he’d had it just recently with Darren, it was a comfort food for the entire Colfer clan, and he knew Hannah would appreciate something homecooked for the first time since the funeral. He sang quietly, some mindless tune at first until he realized it was a song off the CD Darren had given him. 

“Sounding good there Bubba,” Hannah remarked as she slipped into the kitchen while he finished the song, causing Chris to roll his eyes but give an over exaggerated bow nevertheless. “I don’t think I’ve heard that one before, who’s it by?”

“Oh, my friend Darren wrote it.”

Tim had come into the kitchen as well and let out a small chuckle. “Friend, sure.”

Chris whirled around and look accusingly at his father. “Well we are friends, I told you we got back in touch.” 

“And I’ve heard you talk about nothing else but him since,” Tim replied dryly. “I’m just saying son, I have never heard you talk about any of your other _friends_ that way. Or that much.” 

Chris blushed a little at this, wondering if he really was so obvious to everyone but Darren. “Well I’ve never had a friend like him. Someone I can just...be me with.” 

Hannah watched this exchange with rapt attention, her face supported by her hands, noting her brother’s sheepish face and her father’s knowing smirk. “Who is this guy?” 

It was Tim who answered first, so Chris went back to making food, though keeping an ear out to interject lest his father give Hannah, a known meddler, the wrong idea. “Darren and Christopher were friends before you were born, but his family moved away. They reconnected after…” The silence was deep, Hannah brushing a hand against Tim’s shoulder. “Well anyway, they reconnected, and I’ve been talking to the Crisses off and on. Seems neither of you can shut up about the other.” Chris was sure the back of his neck was beet red at that, but he refused to turn and give either of them the satisfaction of seeing his smile.

“Wait...Darren Criss? You’re friends with Darren Criss?” Hannah asked. At Chris’ nod she continued “Why am I just now being informed that my brother is best friends with a movie star? Have you met any of his celebrity friends? Have you gone to events with him? Oooh, can you get me his autograph? My roommate is like _in love_ with him and I think she would just die.”

Chris laughed just a little as he strained the pasta while Hannah barraged him with questions. “I don’t think of him as a star, to me he’s just Darren, the goofy kid I had a pretend wedding with who now happens to be an actor.”

“Excuse me? Wedding?”

Tim had to pipe up at this. “I officiated and everything.”

Chris shrugged at Hannah’s gaping look “We were just that close. But no, other than the cast for the movie he’s working on, I haven’t met any other celebrities, or gone to events. I think he’s taking me to the screening when the movie is done, but that’s more so a wrap party than a Hollywood thing. Also I will ask about the autograph, but please don’t try and exploit my friendship for Rosario dies.”

“I’ll tell her I know a guy who knows a guy who owed me a favor or something. But I do owe her for being there for me all semester, not just as a defacto nurse, but also a good friend. We’re going to see about rooming together for the summer too and maybe get a place together in the fall.” 

Chris slung an arm around her, which she attempted to throw off when he ruffled her hair. “Good for you Han, I’m happy you have such a good friend.”

“I still want to hear all about Darren. And this wedding. Are there pictures?”

Chris sighed as he placed dinner in the oven, cursing his still laughing father. This was going to be a long weekend, he could already tell.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole chapter full of grief (and smut) and ANGST. Be forewarned.

“I don’t know what I’m doing here. You can’t hear me, you’re not here, or well, wherever listening. But Dad got on my case about not...I just don’t know how to do this. It just seems so pointless, you know? That screaming into the void sort of feeling? Maybe doing it just to get it out, but that has never really helped me, I always wanted that feedback, that assurance that what I was saying was being heard. You’d know that better than anyone, the tantrums I made over being ignored were something shocking, I know. Sorry about that, I know you had more important things to worry about than my dramatics.”

Chris wiped his hand over his face, glancing upwards before continuing on. “I caught up with Darren again. Do you remember him? Of course you do, never forgot a thing. Cerina is still the same as she was, but she’s a grandma now, Chuck had a little girl. I guess now there’s no one really going to nag me about kids. Though I think you knew I never really...wanted them. Never thought of them as a possibility after coming out, even though there are ways. I hope that doesn’t disappoint you that there will be no Christopher Juniors running around. Darren told me Cerina gave him an earful after he swore off procreating, though he’s still so much of a kid himself.”

A wry chuckle, fingers through his hair as he sat, elbows to his knees. “We’re best friends again, big surprise there. Though god I still love him. I stopped calling it a crush after that disastrous coffee date with my neighbor. I kept comparing him with Dare, and I realized I didn’t want anyone else. But it’s hopeless. Even if he is...he’d never see me as anything but...and he’s still not free to...I can’t see myself living like that, I don’t know how he does it. Though living like this, with this secret, keeping it buried so I can keep him, I guess I do get it. It fucking hurts. Oh, sorry for swearing, I know you hate it when I do that. But you would understand, you get how frustrating this is right? I wish you could give me some advice, a sign, just...something.”

Chris finally looked up from the ground, looking at the slab of stone in front of him, mocking him with it’s unhelpful silence. He could feel the tears streaming down his face, not even realizing he had started crying. “I miss you so much Mom. It’s not fair that you’re gone. You were supposed to be here for this, you know? Teasing me with Dad in the kitchen. Plotting with Cerina to get us together. Conspiring to finally have a real version of that wedding. Why did you have to die? Why was it your time?” 

By this time Chris was shouting and finally tore his gaze away from the headstone and looked towards the clouds “Why did you have to take her? I don’t even fucking believe in you but I don’t understand why her? I just want my mother back! Is that so much to ask?” 

A gentle hand was laid on his shoulder, causing Chris to whip around to see Hannah, her expression one of sadness. He hadn’t even realized she was there, had been listening for so long. She gathered him into a hug, the both of them collapsing to the ground in tears, quietly whispering how much they missed their mother, how sorry they were for not being there for one another. Chris glanced towards the stone once more, wishing his mom could be there once more, but knowing she was well and truly gone, he gripped Hannah harder. 

When they finally broke apart, Chris pressed a kiss to his fingers and then them to the place where his mother’s name was etched into the stone. “I love you Mom,” he whispered, his voice breaking near the end, and walked away, feeling all the heavier with grief rather than lighter for letting it out.   
~

Chris spent the next two weeks feeling lethargic, having no enthusiasm for much of anything after returning from Clovis. It seemed as though there was no point in trying to be happy, to form attachments when fate was so cruel as to yank away the things he loved away. He barely managed to trudge himself to the airport on Friday afternoon and slept through most of the flight to Los Angeles. He had honestly contemplated calling Darren to beg off the visit, but he figured if anyone could cheer him up it would be his best friend. Plus with the prospect of Monday off as well, he could put as much distance from his misery as possible. Besides, he knew if he had tried to stay home, Darren would have broken out the sad eyes to which Chris had no defenses. 

Chris kind of lagged through the airport, making his way towards Darren in disguise, giving a half hearted wave as he dragged his luggage between him. “Hey sweetie, where’s all the pep in your step?” Darren asked. 

“Long week. Kind of sluggish.” Chris lied, not wanting Darren to know the real reason for his funk. If he forgot about why he was sad, maybe he could at least pretend to function as a human being this weekend. 

“Well why don’t we get you back to my humble abode where Mrs. Yates is making us something delicious to eat. Then we’ll knock back a few drinks, put on a stupid movie and then snuggle the night away. Sound good?”

“Heavenly.” 

Hours later, Chris was full of a delicious pork dish, a mug of spiked hot chocolate and dressed in his flannel pants and a t-shirt. Darren was towelling off his hair in similar dress as the opening credits for Moulin Rouge were playing. Darren stretched out on the couch and opened his arms for Chris, who happily went in for a hug, letting the warmth of this moment make him more content. “You wanna talk about it?” Darren mumbled into his hair, rubbing a hand over Chris’ back.

Chris shook his head a little into Darren’s chest, burrowing in further, determined to watch the movie and let it carry him away. “Okay. You let me know if you do.” Darren said as he pressed a kiss into Chris’ hair, then quietly singing along to each and every song. 

Chris managed a few bars, even getting through all of Come What May. “I love this song.”

“Me too.” Darren smiled “Always thought it was the most romantic song. Something you’d dance to at a wedding, maybe.”

“Maybe.” 

Towards the end of the movie, Chris was drifting, though when Christian’s cry of anguish ripped through the air, Chris could feel the tears streaming down his face. He could hear Darren sniffling behind him and reaching over him to get to the tissues on the coffee table, handing a few off to Chris. 

“Damn movie gets to me every time.” 

“But you still love it and rewatch it every chance you get.”

“Exactly.” 

Darren eventually got up from the couch to stretch, taking their mugs to the kitchen. “Alright, I’m off to bed, you coming too?”

Chris looked at his hands, twining them together. “Nah, I think I’m going to try it on my own this time.” He didn’t look up, thus missing the utter disappointment painting Darren’s features. “Night Dare.”

“Night.” 

Darren padded off to bed, sure he would be tossing and turning all night without Chris. He had come to crave them sleeping together. While he was able to function without it, he always slept so much better with Chris in his arms, and had been greatly looking forward to them sharing sleep together once more. But then again, Chris had been off since he had picked him up that afternoon, so maybe it shouldn’t have surprised Darren that he didn’t want to stick to tradition. Or maybe...maybe he had realized Darren’s crush, thought there was some ulterior motives towards them sharing a bed. Maybe this was Chris rejecting him. Darren sincerely wished he had taken another shot of whiskey before heading to bed. 

Chris sat on the couch, the dimmed lights of the valley filtering through the curtains into the otherwise darkened room. Why had he watched a movie that ended in death? It touched too close to the raw nerve that lay exposed since he had come home. It had been made worse since he had said goodbye to Hannah a week prior, with him constantly worrying over her being so far away, with all her health issues. But at least she seemed to be adjusting since they lost their mother. Chris had been so numb to it all until he finally confronted the place they had buried her. Now all he could feel was crushing sadness, left wondering if there was any point. He missed his mother so terribly, wondering what she would say to him if she saw him sitting here wallowing. 

“What’s the point Mom? What’s the point of falling in love if one of you is going to end up dead? Or heartbroken? When you know you have no chance? But you just can’t get over him? Even after you tried?” Chris let out a sigh, rubbing his hands over his face, looking out once more into the blackness of the room, towards the hall Darren had gone down not that long ago. “Unrequited love sucks Mom. Maybe I should just learn to be happy enough with what I can get. No romance or sex or passion. But friends who are devoted to one another, that kind of love? I could learn to live with that, have that be the great love of my life.” 

Chris started to get up, to walk down the hall to Darren’s room but stopped and slumped back onto the couch. “Can that be enough? Would I be enough for him? How will I handle it when he finds the true kind of love that all the stories promise? Because he will, he has such capacity for love, he’d never be okay with just having a platonic love in his life, with having me be that person in his life. If I tried for more...I’d be seen as clingy or presumptuous or even...predatory. And then I could lose him as a friend all together. I can’t survive that, not again. I can’t lose anyone else. This will have to be it.”

Chris eventually laid down on the couch, not even caring to try and get into bed, staring out into the night until his eyelids eventually grew heavy and he fell into a fitful sleep.  
~

Carmella quietly opened the door to Darren’s house, humming quietly while thinking perhaps she would give him a treat by making him waffles this fine morning instead of the prescribed poached eggs. He was due to wrap filming soon and had been working long hours, he deserved a treat for breakfast every once and awhile. Plus he had hinted that Chris was coming this weekend, and that he would greatly appreciate anything she cooked. What she didn’t expect was to see the man in question sitting at the counter, rubbing his bleary eyes and yawning. 

“Oh! Good morning dear!” Mrs. Yates remarked, bustling about the kitchen to get some coffee started, seeing that he could really use some. “Did you two have another late night out?”

“Lazy night in. I just...don’t sleep well away from home,” Chris replied, running a hand through his hair. He gave her a quiet thanks when she pushed the mug towards him, as well as the milk and sugar. She watched as he doctored his drink, preparing breakfast as the waffle iron heated up. Chris sipped the mug quietly, feeling the caffeine dilate his veins, though it did little to stem the tiredness he felt or alleviate the stiffness in his neck from the night spent on the couch. 

“Why don’t you go wake Darren up while I finish off breakfast? He always takes forever on the weekends and waffles are always better fresh.” Mrs. Yates shooed him off as he drained his drink, smiling as she continued pouring batter into the iron, the sweet scent of waffles in the air. 

Chris ambled down the hall, knocking quietly on Darren’s partially closed door. Had he left it open in hopes that Chris would change his mind regarding cuddles? When no sound came from inside the room, he pushed inside, seeing Darren curled around the spare pillow, his face scrunched up, as if he was experiencing an unpleasant dream. Chris sat on the edge of the bed, laying a gentle hand on Darren’s arm, giving it a small shake. “Dare? It’s breakfast time sweetie.” 

Darren continued to squirm, clutching the pillow tighter, though his face relaxed a little upon hearing Chris’ voice. Chris ran his fingers through the matted curls on Darren’s forehead, making soothing noises while quietly urging Darren to wake. Eventually Darren’s eyes began to flutter, blinking slowly as the world came into focus. “Mmm...Chris? What time is it?”

“Time for you to get out of bed and eat breakfast with me lazy bones,” Chris said with a laugh. “Otherwise I am eating every one of your share of the waffles.” 

“Oh no you don’t!” Darren yelled as he yanked Chris down onto the bed with him, latching his legs around Chris and beginning to tickle his sides. Chris shrieked in protest, his voice tinged with giggles as he tried to thwack at Darren’s arms to get him to stop. Both of their laughter and voices rang out into the air, a welcome sound after their subdued evening. 

Carmella could hear the tickle fight from where she stood in the kitchen, smiling and hoping it meant those boys were finally figuring things out. She slipped the waffles into the warmer and let herself out silently, locking the door behind her. Maybe she’d fake an appointment that evening to give the two of them another night alone, and get themselves to the place they had been denying themselves for months now.   
~

“We should get up,” Chris commented, breathless from the tickle fight, but feeling much lighter for it. 

“Eh, the food will keep. I’m comfy and I’m positive you didn’t sleep well,” Darren remarked, scratching idly at his stomach, which was gurgling quietly. Truthfully he was starving but he would much rather go back to sleep with Chris there than not. 

“You continuously encouraging me to screw up my sleep schedule when I visit is totally helping, I’m sure. Come on, up. We’ll eat and shower and then spend another lazy day where we will probably end up napping, but I would rather be fed and clean when we do so.” 

“Fiiiiiine. But I am totally picking the movie this time, no tear jerkers.”

“Not Star Wars or Harry Potter again either.” 

“Oh come on Colfer!”

Later, true to Chris’ predictions, they were dozing while Singing In The Rain played on the television, curled up together and making up for the sleepless night both of them had endured without the other. They only awoke when Darren’s phone started to ring, causing them to nearly fall off the couch on top of one another. 

“I am never going to sleep tonight and I blame you for that,” Chris grumbled as Darren scrambled for his phone. Darren blew him a kiss and an innocent look while he had a conversation. Chris stretched himself out, still feeling stiff, cursing the couch for being a magical piece of furniture that brought on sleep but came back to bite you when you realized how terrible it was for your back. 

“Well it looks like we’re on our own for dinner. You wanna splurge on a pizza or something?” Darren asked, noticing Chris rubbing at his lower back. “Hey, you okay?”

“Oh, yeah, couch isn’t great for my back. Your dietitian is going to hate you for cheating on your diet so much you know.”

“Meh, I’ve got a treadmill in the office, I’ll hit it hard after you leave and not have a cheat day next weekend to make up for it.” Darren shrugged, already mentally wincing at the week of leafy greens that would be in his future to counteract his eating habits from this lazy weekend. “Do you want me to see if I can work that kink out for you? I’ve been told I give pretty good massages.”

Chris tried to get the ache to work itself out and grimaced at the shot of pain it sent up his spine. He didn’t think it would be smart to let Darren rub him down but the pain was steadily increasing and he didn’t think he could function much longer. “Yes please. But call for pizza first.” 

“You want onions?”

“Red if they have them, otherwise no.” 

“Go lay down on my bed on your stomach, I’ll be right in. Shirt off too.” Darren couldn’t help but notice the red that crept up the back of Chris’ neck at the last piece, but knew that the best way to give a massage was skin to skin. He ordered the pizza, knowing their estimation of 45 minutes was a generous one and traipsed off towards his room. He stopped stock still in his doorway, almost slumping against the frame, pinching himself secretly to ensure he wasn’t dreaming. 

Chris was stretched out across the bed, broad shoulders tapering off into a tiny waist, freckles spread over milky skin, tinged with the smallest bit of blush. Arms bent to accommodate his head, showing off his biceps. Legs down straight, pants twisted up to his knees, light brown hair dusting his limbs. And god, his ass was on display, high and pert and begging for Darren to fondle it, to worship it, even hidden by fabric as it was. He could feel his mouth water, eager to soak the fabric before peeling it down and just devouring Chris. He pinched himself harder, high on his thigh to avoid an obvious erection, something Chris would be _sure_ to notice once Darren was straddling his thighs. Why had he volunteered to do this? It was sheer temptation, pure and utter hell. 

Darren gulped as he approached, rubbing his hands together to warm them up, grabbing his favorite lotion along the way. He could see that Chris was tense, his breathing a little fast, almost nervous. “Hey man, you okay?” 

“Yeah, just cold and tensed up,” Chris mumbled, visibly trying to relax, but knowing that it was an impossibility when it came to having Darren touch him. 

“Well I’d say you need to relax, but I guess that’s what the massage is for.” Darren chuckled, squirting the woodsy scented lotion onto his hands before straddling Chris’s thighs, his tone light as he began a light touch over his shoulders first. “Sorry if the lotion is a bit cold, it warms up quick, and let me know where it hurts.” 

Chris let out a hiss as the cold lotion touched his skin and another as he felt the stiffness of his muscles being worked. Honestly he had been tense for weeks now. Doing extra hours at work to forget the world outside of it meant hours spent bent over in his cubicle, hunched over a computer or a notepad. The couch had been the final straw in bringing every ache and sore spot to the forefront. Darren’s thumbs dug in deep, circling the knots he could feel, trying to alleviate the clear stress he could feel Chris was under. He skimmed up to his neck, trying to be gentle but having to smile when he could hear the tension giving way and the stifled moan Chris gave out at the sensation. “Don’t be embarrassed to let me know you like it okay? I won’t know if I’m doing my job right if you don’t.”

Darren trailed his fingers down Chris’ sides, hearing him give out a giggle and while Darren was tempted to start another tickle fight, he knew that would only cause more pain in the long run. Instead he focused on the small of Chris’ back, kneading and rubbing methodically over the minefield of strained muscles. “Jeez man, you need better back support at work, no way did one nap on my couch do this much damage.” 

“You’re probably right, I’ll appeal to Health and Safety for better lumbar support come Tuesday. Or just break down and buy a pillow myself,” Chris mumbled, trying his best to keep the moans out of his voice. Darren had magical hands, unravelling each knot with ease. 

Darren dug his fingers into a particularly stubborn spot, putting all his weight onto it in an attempt to loosen the tightness. Chris was whimpering but urged him to continue, knowing the temporary pain would be worth it. When the knot finally gave up and dissipated, a moan rang out in the room, going straight to Darren’s cock. He held in his own whimper at how much Chris’ noises affected him and went back to assaulting the still sore shoulder blades, ensuring his hips were kept elevated far from Chris’ ass. But each loosened muscle created another noise, a sub-vocal whine at every turn. Darren knew he would need to go throw himself in a cold shower after this massage was done or he do something incredibly stupid. 

“Dare?” Chris hummed, his voice slightly gruff. He could feel how much the touching was affecting him, all his blood rushing southwards, making it extremely difficult not to rut into the mattress to alleviate the pressure. 

“Hmm?”

“Can you hit my lower back again?”

“Sure can.” Darren could feel his voice break, and hoped that Chris didn’t notice, scooting himself back, ignoring the strain he was putting on his legs by holding himself up. He reached over to get more lotion, his hands having gone dry. He placed his hands on the small of Chris’ back, preparing to work the heels of his hands into the area when the lotion became slippery, causing him to fall forward. His lips brushed the skin just below Chris’ neck and his erection fell right against the crease of Chris’ ass, causing Chris to let out the loudest moan yet. 

Neither man moved, though Darren could almost taste the salty sweetness of Chris’ skin underneath the lotion. He also kept his hips stone still, not moving forward or back, as much as he want to throw caution to the wind and grind himself into the man beneath him. Chris was pushed further into the mattress by Darren’s weight, feeling a wet spot starting in his underwear as the fabric rubbed against his own hard on. He tried not to think about how much he wanted to thrust back against Darren, let them have this one night of passion. He could feel Darren’s lips still grazing his skin, wanted to urge him to bite, to mark, to _own_ him. He was about to suggest just that when Darren spoke up. 

“I...I think I heard a knock on the door. I should go pay the delivery guy.” He quickly pushed himself up and away, adjusting himself as he practically ran out of the room, cursing his own cowardice. 

Chris was once again, left rejected by Darren after a close call. But this time, fate had not intervened, as Chris _knew_ the food was nowhere near to being here yet. Instead Darren had come to his senses all on his own this time, practically stating outright that while Chris’ noises may do something for him, Chris himself held no appeal. He could feel his own arousal wilting, and curled up on himself, urging himself not to cry. Eventually he heard the actual doorbell and gingerly picked up his shirt before going off to assess himself in the mirror. His face was wan and pale, his eyes red from unshed tears. He wondered if they would talk or continue to ignore this, and only gave a halfhearted response when Darren called out that the food had arrived. 

“Hey Chris about what happened…” Darren started as they were starting in on the food.

“Forgotten, don’t worry,” Chris replied, shoving the pizza in his mouth in an attempt to signal that the conversation was closed. 

“Chris…” Darren sighed and slowly chewed on his own slice, wondering what he could say really. How could he justify his actions without telling the whole truth? Could he lie and hurt Chris even more than running away surely had? Darren shook his head and swallowed, looking sadly at Chris with regret. He had royally screwed this up, he knew. He also knew he would always remember the wounded look on Chris’ face. 

They ate in silence and neither said much for the rest of the night, not paying attention to the movie they put on, stuck instead in their own minds. Darren didn’t even bother asking Chris if he wanted to share his bed that night, knowing it was a foregone conclusion as to what the answer would be. Perhaps it was time to put a stop to that anyways, to take a step back and try to get back to a true friendship, if anything could even be salvaged of this horrible night. Darren sat down on his bed, the lingering scent of Chris on the sheets. He knew how he felt about Chris, he knew if he made a move that it would be reciprocated. But his fears and doubts preyed on him, not wanting to impose his secretive life on anyone else, especially not Chris. Why had Fate thought it was a good idea to dangle the chance for true love in front of him _now_ of all times? When freedom was so close but still so far? 

Chris wondered why he was putting himself through this. He knew now he would never be happy just being friends with Darren, especially when the offer of more kept getting dangled in front of his face only to be snatched away cruelly. He wanted love from Darren, a real and true lasting love. Even if it was hidden until the public came to know Darren as he was, Chris would take it. He would endure being a secret if only to have Darren as _his_. But it seemed that as much as he was sure Darren wanted him, even just for sex, he was mistaken. His heart couldn’t take much more, he couldn’t live his life in this uncertain way, constantly having his hopes dashed. He resolved to leave the next morning instead of staying, to give them some space. Darren would get caught up in finishing his film and then move onto his next project and if Chris just kept himself away, eventually Darren would realize he was wasting his time, would forget Chris and they could both just...move on. Chris knew it would hurt, and as much as he couldn’t bear to lose someone else in his life, he could not spend his life in some gray area when it came to his heart. He quietly tiptoed to his room, saying a silent goodbye at Darren’s closed door. He took that as a final sign, that he was not needed, not wanted. Chris threw back the Ambien he had on hand, resolving to pack and be gone before Darren awoke the next day. It would be better that way, he was sure.  
~

Darren awoken unusually early that Sunday morning, feeling like he had barely just lain down to sleep. He needed to talk to Chris, finally reveal why he had been acting the way he had and beg for forgiveness. He knew there was no way Chris would ever accept him as a partner, not now, but he _had_ to repair their friendship. He wish he had been honest from the start, even if it meant hiding his feelings, things would be so much better. Chris would understand why Darren held back, why they couldn’t be anything...yet. Maybe Chris would have laughed and things would have been awkward for awhile, but anything was better than this. Darren got out of bed and walked past Chris’ door, hearing the soft snuffling snores and had to smile a little. It must be the Ambien that caused that, he thought and decided maybe he would attempt a nice parfait for them to eat for breakfast. His phone chimed with a calendar alert.

Chris woke with a start, glancing around the room to try and gather his bearings. His head was woozy and his temples pounding. This was why he tried not to rely on the sleeping meds too much, they always had a hangover-like effect the next morning. He stretched himself out, still feeling twinges in his back that even Darren’s lovely massage could not get rid of and that’s when he remembered his resolution to leave. One look at the clock told him that it was early, but if he really wanted to be gone before Darren awoke, he didn’t have much time. He wondered if he could even switch his flight at this time, and if it would be better to wait, to at least talk to Darren first, explain himself. His heart lurched, like it was rebelling even the thought of that particular confrontation and his resolve strengthened. He crept out to the bathroom to pee and heard a voice. Mrs. Yates had Sundays off...so why was Darren up and who in the world was he talking to?

“Hey Mama. Yes of course I remembered! Okay, so what if my phone remembered for me, at least I called! Well you know Chuck will call later, he’s busy doting on Lucy today. Oh yes, Chris is here, still sound asleep. Yes, I know Ma, I will. Okay, you go enjoy brunch with Dad. Happy Mother’s Day, love you.” 

Chris slumped to the floor. Oh God, it was Mother’s Day. He had completely forgotten, and with a muffled sob, realized that he would never again have a reason to celebrate it. Had he even talked to his mom on this day last year? Had he done so once since he moved away from home? He couldn’t remember. His sobs grew louder as he cursed his own failings, at the unfairness to make it up to her, to give her a memorable day. To make sure that she knew how much she meant to him, what a great mom she was. To thank her for always supporting him, for the scrapbooks and celebrations of his accomplishments. For mac and cheese, for pretend weddings, for being his shoulder to cry on, for the best hugs. 

Chris felt a hand on his shoulder and a tissue was pressed to his face, gently swiping under his eyes. He looked up and Darren with a sympathetic look on his face. “I figured this might happen. Mom sends her love, if that helps. I miss her too you know?”

“I never really got to tell her...how much...she meant…” Chris gasped out, his voice shaking with each word, sobs still escaping his mouth. 

Darren gathered him into his arms. “She knew Chris. She knew.” 

“It’s just not _fair_.” Chris let out with a wail, anything he said after that becoming unintelligible with his hysterics. 

Darren began to gently rock the two of them on the floor. “I know honey, it’s really not. If there was any way I could turn back time and make it not happen or make this easier for you, I would.” 

Chris eventually calmed himself, but it was more of him crying himself to sleep, exhausted and worn out. Darren stroked his back gently and decided that the floor was not the most comfortable place for him to stay, and would probably be the worst place for Chris to sleep. He lifted Chris into his arms, thankful that he could manage to carry him at least as far as to his bedroom, laying him out on the bed and pulling the covers over him quietly. He placed a small kiss on his forehead and got a warm cloth to wipe of his face with. 

When Chris awoke, he heard a quiet sigh as his eyes blinked open. “Hey sweetie, you feeling any better?”

Chris looked around, a bit disorientated, finally focusing on a concerned looking Darren who offered him a bottle of water. Chris took a sip before inquiring about the time. “It’s a little after noon, you looked like you really needed the sleep so I let you rest. You hungry?” 

Chris nodded mutely, then slumped back in the bed while Darren scurried off to the kitchen. He glanced around the room again, noticing that it was not the room he’d been staying in, but Darren’s bedroom instead. He took this chance to finally take in some of the smaller details. The posters on the walls for the StarKid shows, the guitar sitting in the corner, the overflowing laundry hamper that made him smile. Upon close inspection though, Chris noticed the sheer number of picture frames in the room. Pictures of Darren’s friends from college, of his family at various ages. A picture of himself holding Rosemary at her baptism, the proud godfather. But on the nightstand next to the bed, every picture was of Chris. Pictures they had taken together over the past few months, faces smooshed together, big smiles everywhere, all dimples and scrunchy eyes. Then there was one picture, a picture that Chris could have sworn he had left with Cerina of the two of them with their mothers. 

“Hey what’s wrong?” Darren asked, laying down the sandwich he had made on the desk in the corner. 

Chris turned to Darren, his cheeks wet with tears once more. He pointed to the frame of them as children. “I gave this picture to your mom.” The last word came out choked and quiet. 

“Yeah, she made me a copy. It’s one of my favorites.” 

“I...God I miss her so much.” Chris said, sitting with his face in his hands. 

Darren rushed to sit next to him on the bed, surrounding him in a hug. “Of course you do. I can’t imagine…” 

Chris looked up at Darren, his eyes shining, and Darren used his thumbs to clear away the tears. He pressed a kiss to Chris’ forehead, as Chris clutched his back. A kiss to his nose, to each cheek, each meant to comfort, to make Chris feel loved, to let him know he wasn’t alone. He was about to go for Chris’ chin when Chris moved his face and Darren landed on his lips. For a split second they both froze, Chris looking terrified, his hands still holding Darren tight, Darren’s own planted on Chris’ shoulders. Then by trembling instinct they pressed together harder, lips moving together in a gentle motion, eyes sliding shut. 

Darren’s tongue slid forward, swiping across the seal of Chris’ mouth until his jaw relaxed. A brush together of tongues, a small scrape of teeth that caused a moan to leak from a throat. Hands came up to frame Chris’ face as the kiss got harder, more insistent. Chris clutched at his back, nails digging in, scraping in a frantic fashion as the kiss went on, separating only momentarily to gain breath before fusing back together. Chris straightened out his legs, kicking the blankets down and pulling Darren to lie on top of him. 

Mouths detached, panting breaths as lips trailed down, nipping at a jaw, sucking lightly on an earlobe, passionately travelling the length of a neck. Fingers came up to tangle in curls, a slight pull that had whines erupting and a subtle thrust of hips against one another. Mouths met one more, a leg thrown over a waist, bringing Darren’s body in between Chris’ spread legs. One of Darren’s hands working up under Chris’ shirt to touch the soft skin of his sides, a not so innocent flick of a nipple that caused a smirk during their kiss when Chris let out a moan. Chris let his hands wander down, grabbing the meaty part of Darren’s ass, pulling him in closer, bringing hard cocks together and mutual noises of pleasure. Darren sat up suddenly, and for one second, Chris was sure he was about to come up with some excuse and go running again. He was pleasantly surprised when instead Darren threw off his shirt. 

Chris scrambled up to discard his own shirt and then pulled them down onto the bed again, letting his hands wander over the golden expanse of Darren’s skin. It radiated heat, a perfect contrast to his own snowy hue and lower body temperature. He felt Darren’s fingers, a bit calloused but gentle running over his arms, but both were too absorbed in their kiss to care much about where they were being touched. Darren used his strength to roll them so Chris was no longer on top of him, causing their mouths to dislodge. Chris took this opportunity to glance down at Darren, his mouth deep red bruised with kisses, a thin sheen of sweat on his chest, causing the hair to mat. His nipples were tiny, but perked, and Chris licked his lips before descending on them. Nips and licks, bites and sucks, swipes of tongue. Darren made sure to show his appreciation of every trick Chris knew, threading his fingers through Chris’ thick hair as if to direct him, letting his pleasure echo around the room. 

When Chris lifted his head to give Darren a smirk, he yanked him forward to repeat the process on Chris, the noises not as frequent but just as enthusiastic as his chest was assaulted by Darren’s mouth. He finally wrenched his nipples away, the air making them ache as he shimmied down to recapture Darren’s mouth, feeling hands slipping under his waistband as he did so. 

Darren could not get enough of Chris’ ass, manipulating it as much as he could; squeezing the cheeks, pulling them apart, pressing his palms to it so that their engorged cocks could finally reacquaint themselves. He began thrusting up against Chris who was currently savoring the taste of the skin at his neck and collarbones. He could feel the shape and size of Chris through the fabric, and almost started to salivate, wanting to know how much he could take before he gagged. To know what it would be like to savor the ache after a night of being filled with that. Chris arched his back at the feeling of fingers stroking closer and closer to his hole, and the thickness of Darren rubbing and thrusting against him. He whined, wanting to just be taken, to be stretched to the point of pain by Darren. Then to flip him over and give him the same courtesy. 

“Pants...off now!” Chris panted, the first words they had spoken since falling into the bed together. It was a mad scramble for them to throw their pants and underwear off, the pile of fabric becoming a tangle at the foot of the bed. Mutual groans rang out as overheated flesh met, smears of precome soaking into skin and their thrusting picked up speed, Darren’s legs encircling Chris’ hips. He reached out to the nightstand drawer, fumbling with one hand as his other scraped down Chris’ back as their mouths panted into one another’s, too far gone to even kiss much. He rolled them again, a whoosh of breath being let out by Chris as his back hit the mattress. Darren held up the bottle of lube with a questioning glance, and Chris smiled as he pushed it towards Darren’s chest. 

Darren slicked one of his fingers up as Chris spread his legs, grabbing the pillow next to him to shove under his hips. Darren’s middle finger circled his hole, leaving swirls of lube, doing more teasing than anything. Chris huffed and was about to shove the damn thing in himself when Darren pulled his fingers away. Chris cried out in protest before Darren lay on the bed, pressing a kiss to his hole. The cry he let out at that was definitely _not_ in protest. Darren used his lips and tongue to ravage him, going from gentle presses to hard licks and sucks until the hole winked open at him. Each pass of his mouth caused curses to fall from Chris’ lips, so Darren knew he was on the right track. He finally could thrust his tongue inside, and did so with abandon, relishing the musky taste of Chris, how he clenched around him, how he shuddered when he retracted. 

Darren felt fingers tugging on his curls, causing him to moan and more cursing to come from Chris until he was yanked away from his prize. Chris was flushed and panting, covered in precome and looking almost crazed. It was obvious he had run his fingers through his hair a few times and had bitten his lip in an effort not to scream. He grabbed the lube from where it had fallen and pressed it to Darren with a look that screamed for him to get on with it already. He quickly added lube to his fingers and all but shoved one in, knowing Chris could take it. And given the satisfied cry that left Chris, Darren knew his estimation had been right. Still the heat and tightness make him eager to get to the main event, so he began working in a second finger, crooking it just so in order to make the transition easier. 

Chris soon began to writhe, and grabbed the base of his cock with a yelp as Darren brushed against the sweet spot he had been searching for. A third and fourth finger soon joined, Chris’ grip to keep himself from coming never lessening as Darren continued his wicked assault on his prostate. Chris shot him a pleading glare, and Darren withdrew his fingers, rummaging once more for a condom and getting himself ready. 

Darren normally was a big talker in bed, constantly asking his partner if they were okay, checking to see how or even if they wanted to proceed, but he just knew if he spoke more than the usual enthusiast encouragements, the spell would be broken. They could talk later, right now they needed to say nothing more, and let their bodies communicate for them. He lifted Chris’ leg to wind around his hips and slowly began to thrust inside, stopping at every ring of muscle to give Chris a glance, being met by either a rolling of eyes or an encouraging smile. Finally he bottomed out and had to stop and take a breath. 

Chris had been prepared exceptionally well, but he was tight, a squeezing heat that never let up, was eager to keep Darren right where he was. He leaned down, brushing Chris’ hair off his forehead and gave the man a sweet kiss as he waited for some sort of signal that it would be okay to start moving once more. A small, playful slap to his ass was more than enough motivation and Darren pulled out almost to the tip before he slammed in, a moan coming out of Chris’ mouth before he could silence it. “Let me hear you,” Darren said before he slammed in again, taking hold of Chris’ hips to angle them as he did. Each thrust was met with more noise, some words melting into the mix of grunts and groans. Mostly “Oh God” or “Please” or best of all when Chris let out an utterance of his name. 

Darren kept a measured pace, trying to restrain himself, to make it last. Yet the both of them knew it wasn’t enough, that they wanted the rough, fast, bruising type of sex that would leave them sated for days to come. So when Chris began moving his hips in a truly sinful manner, Darren finally got the message, practically bending him in half as his thrusts became brutal, animalistic. Chris shrieked his approval, letting his nails come loose from the bedsheets he’d been gripping to paint a tapestry on Darren’s back. Darren for his part, knew his hips would leave bruises on Chris’ ass, but not satisfied with that, also began to suck a hickey on Chris’ collarbone. A deep purple mark that would not fade as long as Darren had a say in it. 

Eventually the end was nearing, and Darren was reaching the last vestiges of his stamina, so he reached between them to stroke Chris. He pulled Darren in for a kiss as he felt his climax close in, rushing through him like nothing else, covering the both of them in cum as he shook and finally tore their mouths apart to let out a cry of completion. The instant Chris began to clamp down on him, Darren was done, riding out the waves of pleasure to the point where he almost blacked out, grunting out Chris’ name as his face hit the juncture of neck and shoulders in exhaustion. 

Both men were panting, and tried not to grimace as Darren pulled out, tying off the condom and flicking it in the trash. He walked on unsteady legs to the bathroom, wiped down the both of them with a wet cloth and collapsed onto the bed, clinging to Chris as they fell into a well deserved and needed slumber.   
~

When Darren awoke, it was to an empty bed, the sheets beside him cold. He couldn’t hear any noise throughout the house and began to panic. He sprang from the bed, pulling on his boxers as he looked into Chris’ room, seeing his bags still sitting on the floor. The bathroom light was off. He walked into the kitchen and saw Chris, naked save a pair of boxer briefs, cooking simple omelettes while he sang quietly. Darren almost fell to the floor in relief, having been truly terrified that Chris would have run out on him. He looped his arms around Chris’ waist, planting a small kiss to his shoulder, Chris smiling back at him as he swayed on the spot, pushing down the button on the toaster. 

“I hope you don’t mind breakfast for supper. I haven’t eaten all day so this seemed like the simplest thing to cook quickly. I was going to wake you up soon, it’s almost 6 and you need to work tomorrow.” 

Darren glanced out the window, seeing the light was beginning to fade, wondering just how tired he must have been to have slept most of the afternoon away. Though it wasn’t as if he hadn’t worked himself to that point with Chris. “Sounds egg-cellant.”

“Booo.”

“What? Don’t you think I’m punny?” Darren asked as Chris turned the range off. 

“Leave comedy to the bears,” Chris quipped, as the toast popped and he got plates for them both, serving up the food along with the parfaits Darren had made that morning which they never got to eat. He sat gingerly on the stool, but smiled radiantly at Darren. 

They began shovelling food into their mouths, both famished from not eating and from their afternoon delight. Their feet tangled together, stealing bites from each other’s plates and sharing a giant glass of juice. Once all the food had been polished off and the dishwasher filled, they decided to retire to the couch, curling up together, only the lights of the houses and buildings belong shedding any illumination into the room. 

Darren pressed a kiss to Chris’ hair, feeling so content, but knew it was long past time for them to talk. “How are you doing? Feeling any better from this morning?”

Chris frowned a little, hating whenever anyone saw him at his weakest, but knew Darren was asking as a concerned...friend? Lover? Whatever they were now. He sighed a little before answering. “Yeah, think I got stuck in the depression stage of the grieving process after being in denial for so long. I mean, I’m still sad, and angry, and all that. But I think I’m ready for that whole acceptance phase they talk about.” 

Darren smiled at that. “Yeah, I’ve heard good things.” 

Chris let out a yawn, snuggling into Darren once more. “I have spent most of the day asleep, why am I so tired?” 

“I’m just that comfy I guess. You wanna go to bed?” Darren knew they should be talking, about what had happened, about what they were now, but he just wanted to put it off, keep living this insanely good dream out and deal with the waking world tomorrow.

“How about we throw on a movie, you set an alarm so that when we fall asleep we can get up and go to bed, and I’ll go get our jammies?”

“Popcorn?”

“Duh.”

True to form, Darren’s phone woke them near the end of The Little Mermaid and they barely managed to turn off everything and slump into Darren’s bed together before they drifted off again. 

The next morning, Darren awoke and wondered if the whole day had been a dream. Until he rolled over and saw Chris sleeping next to him, a content little smile on his face. The weak sunlight was streaming in upon his face, highlighting his features. _God I love you_ he thought, determined to tell him so as soon as he could. 

Chris’ eyes began to blink, smiling at Darren as he saw the other man staring at him with ridiculous heart eyes. “Hi,” he whispered quietly. “I hope you slept well.”

“I always sleep so much better with you here.”

A bright smile burst out onto Chris’ face at that. “Our sleep schedules are so fucked though, all we do is sleep together.”

“Yeah we do.” Chris playfully thwacked Darren across the chest at that, though Darren caught his hand and pressed a kiss to the knuckles. “It was...God it was wonderful Chris. Better than what I ever imagined.”

“You imagined it?” Chris asked, his voice shy, nervous.

“Since the first weekend we spent together,” Darren admitted, and a look of realization painted Chris’ expression, then a naughty smile broke free. “Did...did you ever?” Darren asked nervously, almost as if he expected a negative response.

Chris pretended to ponder it for a second before grinning. “Of course I did, how could I not?” Chris gestured up and down his body, even clad in pyjamas, it was appealing. 

Darren pulled Chris closer, their eyes meeting, both full of mirth. “You know you’re gorgeous, right?” Chris gave a shrug until Darren started to gently trace his fingers up and down his side. Chris squealed with laughter and gave in, exclaiming that yes, he did know. Darren then looked apprehensive, knowing they had hours until he had to be on set, but not wanting to waste what time they did have by not talking about the serious stuff. “When did you figure out that I’m…”

“Gayer than a May pole?”

“Yeah.”

“I kind of pieced it together after my last visit here, but I figured you’d tell me when the time was right. Everyone comes out at their own pace Darren. I knew for years before I told a soul, even if I never passed for anything but.”

“People know. Like my family, and some of the StarKids. And well, my team and the studio.”

“Thus the morality clause?”

“Thus the shackle around my leg until the movie’s done.”

“Like done filming or?”

“I think out for viewing. So me being me doesn’t detract from the numbers.” 

“So what does that mean…”

Chris was cut off by the ringing of Darren’s cell. He scowled but when he saw it was Duncan, knew he had to answer it, sending Chris an apologetic look as he did so. “Hey Dunc, was up?”

“Where the fuck are you?” Duncan demanded, no time for pleasantries.

“Um...home? Where else would I be this time on a Monday morning?”

“At the image meeting I am currently sitting in Darren!”

Darren lept out of bed at that, scrambling for his calender, seeing the meeting in bolded letters with several exclamation marks written there and circled. “Oh fuck, I completely forgot, Chris is here the weekend and...I can be right there.”

“Darren, they are done waiting for you, I am just going to let you know...they’re trying to renew your contract man.”

“WHAT?”

“They know this movie is going to mean big things for you, and they want to hold onto that. Keep you for a five project deal.”

“They can’t do that! I mean, I’m supposed to be done when the movie comes out! They assured me they would let me go!” Darren was pacing around his room, a frantic look on his face, Chris looking on worriedly. 

“I don’t know what to tell you Darren, they want to keep hold of you. I mean, you can say no, but who knows what kind of image that will paint you with, or what kind of smear campaign they might start if you refuse. It’ll look bad for them if you leave right as their frontrunner for the statues season is coming out. Worse if you do the same and implicate them for why now.”

“God, I wouldn’t do that! I am not that vindictive of a person, fuck! I don’t want to work for them anymore, but that doesn't mean I was going to call them down to the dirt for being bigoted assholes.”

“I know that Dare, and I think they do as well, but they have to cover themselves, for liability. Look, maybe I can get them to waive the morality clause if we agree to renew?” Duncan asked, though his voice held little hope, and was extremely frustrated for these men for putting his client in this position.

“You know that’s not going to fly Dunc.” Darren ran his fingers through his bed mussed curls and let out a sigh. “Look, tell them I am not going to make any decisions until the film is done shooting, they can hold off that long.”

“They also want to make one of your escorts permanent, be your date for multiple events.”

“You mean they want to hire me a fucking beard so I can seem settled down,” Darren seethed, and Duncan said nothing. “Fuck that noise. I’ll have whatever barely-legal they want on my arm for their precious events, but I’m not going to let them fool some girl into being my fake girlfriend! Tell them they can shove that offer right up their fucking asses!”

At this, Chris had gotten out of bed and was rubbing Darren’s back in a soothing manner, though it did little to calm his ire. He shot Chris a grateful look, and subtly rubbed his temple, already feeling everything crashing down around him.

“You know I won’t Darren, but I will fight it for you. Look, go enjoy the rest of your time with Chris, get to the set this afternoon and try not to bite anybody’s head off. I’ll let you know how it goes, but I can at least push them to give you until the end of the shoot. I wish I had better news man, I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault man, I should have never have signed their stupid contract in the first place. I’ll talk to you later.” Darren hung up the phone and slumped onto the floor next to the bed, cradling his face in his hands. Chris sat next to him, still rubbing his back and not saying anything. 

Darren tried to get his breathing back on track, his heart pounding in his chest. He was stuck, stuck lying to everyone, stuck being constrained in how he presented himself. He was just assigned a life sentence in a prison of his own making, and there was no chance for parole. He could still feel Chris’ steady presence next to him and swore internally, knowing that now, they could never be.

This morning he would have asked Chris if he was okay being a secret, just for a few months, and he had a feeling that while it would suck, Chris would agree. But now? Now that it was for who knows how long? He would always feel like he was not strong enough, that he was being judged for not doing the right thing to save his own hide if he stayed with Chris as some covert affair. He could never ask that of Chris. And what was worse is that he had gotten a taste, he could never go back to being just friends with Chris, and he refused to go through the rest of his life either pining for what they couldn’t have or letting things rot by having some stupid down low type of deal. 

So this was it, the end of Chris and Darren. Better to break both their hearts now so at least Chris had a chance of being happy. While Darren got to live his life doing what he loved as an empty shell of a man, living a lie. He could never ask anyone to love him, a coward. Especially not the man who currently held his heart. He hated to hurt Chris, especially now that he knew the truth, but it was for the best. It would be. It HAD to be. 

“You need to go,” Darren whispered.

“What?”

“I can’t see you anymore.”

“Did they say that?” Silence. “Darren, they can’t run your life like that, they have no right to tell you who you can and can’t be…”

“We can’t be. Never. They will never let me be…”

“Then break away.” Chris said, retracting his hand as Darren grew almost rigid. 

“You don’t get it Chris.” Darren said, his voice full of venom. “If I don’t toe the line, they’ll ruin me. My name will be literal mud.”

“So you care more…”

“About the life and career I’ve built? Spent YEARS building? Than some fling, yeah I do,” Darren said, his voice glacial. 

“I am NOT just some one night stand Darren Criss. I know that, so don’t you **dare** tell me that I was!”

“It was comfort Chris! I never meant to let it get out of hand the way it did! You knew going into it that I’m not free to be with you, so that’s all it ever could have been! And now, we can’t be anything! We’re done!” Darren hating lying like this, hated saying these things, but he could see that it was working, that Chris was slowly breaking, and prayed that one day he could beg his forgiveness. 

“I thought…”

“Well, you thought wrong. You need to go now. I don’t want to see you again.” Darren turned away, not wanting to know what Chris was going to say. Knowing that if Chris said the words he was praying for, he would take it all back. Plead to be forgiven, and deal with the consequences of being blackballed. 

Darren could hear footsteps behind him, echoing down the corridors. The sound of zippers being pulled and of clothes being changed. He sat on the floor, unmoving as his life fell apart around him, the man he loved preparing to walk out the door. Eventually Chris came back in and laid something on the bed. 

“I was going to leave this for you to open before the premiere, but I guess now will have to do. I don’t know why you’re acting like this Darren. I know yesterday wasn’t just sex for you. It can’t have been. I’m going to tour around today. You know when my flight is, so if you come to your senses before then, come see me off,” Chris said, preparing to turn and leave the room. 

“You’re wrong,” Darren said recklessly, twisting the knife even further. “It was just...I’m a good actor Chris. There’s never been anything...there never will be. Leave me alone. Don’t contact me, just forget about me. I’ll do the same for you.” 

A sob ripped out of Chris’ throat. “Fine. Forgotten.” The next sound Darren heard was the front door slamming before he burst out into tears. What the fuck had he just done?


	6. Chapter 6

Darren sat on the floor for he didn’t know how long, half of him sure he had done the right thing, the other screaming at him to call Chris to apologize profusely for being such a colossal idiot. He got up on unsteady legs to shower, but first glanced at the bed to see what Chris had left him. What he saw almost had him careening back to the floor again, thankful to the bed for breaking his fall. It was the Chris and Darren book, but instead of being in Chris’ childish scribble, it was in his spiky handwriting. Inside were copies of the pictures they had taken as children, the drawings they had made, each with an inscription from Chris talking about them. 

There were also pictures of the two of them from the previous weeks, some of which Darren had copies of already on his nightstand. A picture of Darren sleeping on Chris’ couch with Brian using him as a cat bed that Darren hadn’t even known existed. A recipe for the cookies they made, smudged with a chocolate thumbprint and a picture of their flour smudged faces. The next few pages were covered in words, and Darren realized with a small cry that it was the outline for the book Chris had been toying with for months now. 

But it was the last page that broke Darren, a picture of their pretend wedding, the two of them sharing a hug at a pretend altar, Chris; handwriting underneath proclaiming it the “happiest moment of my life”. It was then that Darren noticed that underneath the book was a chain hidden in the duvet, and when he lifted it...came face to face with a small plastic Ninja Turtle ring. His own was lying on his dresser, not having bothered to put it on over their lazy weekend. So that meant that Chris had left his own wedding ring. Meaning their ‘marriage’ was effectively over, causing Darren to cry even more. 

It had never been a real union, of course, but to Darren, it had been the most real relationship he had even been in. And one he never wanted to end. This meant that they were done, and it was all his fault. Looking around him, the sun still streaming in on him, he wondered if this was all really worth losing Chris over. He had been so much happier in these past few months with Chris in his life, even as his friend. Though Darren admitted to himself, they had never been friends, they had always been more, always denying it to themselves and each other, but they were never meant to be friends. Or at least, not just friends, not when the option of more lay before them. Who did they think they were fooling pretending like they were?

Darren could hear the buzz of a text message come in, and he scrambled for his phone, hoping it would be Chris, but not surprised when it wasn’t. 

**Mom:** I hope you give that husband of yours a big hug and kiss before he leaves for home today! And one from me too ;)

God, even his mom knew they were head over heels for each other, Darren mused. Then again, she had always known him better than anyone else. He looked at the picture of them as children again, smiling gently. Though it was slightly sad that Chris’ happiest moment was so long ago, and Darren longed to fill his life with more happy moments. Yet to do so would mean giving up so much...was he ready to do so? He lifted up the picture to take a closer look but he saw writing on the back and turned it over, curious to see what Chris could have written there. But it wasn’t Chris’ writing that confronted him, it was Karyn’s. _My favorite boys practicing for 20 years from now._

Darren realized that Chris had not given him a copy of the picture, but the picture his mother had held onto for decades, the one that held her own hopes for the future. The ones that he and Chris had jokingly danced around until reality came knocking. A reality that had kept him trapped, and denied him the man he had learned to fall in love with all over again. The man he needed to make himself happy, because without Chris his life looked to be stretching out into a void of compromise and regret. He couldn’t remain loveless, and he knew he would never find love, that true and abiding love with anyone but Chris. 

He needed to find Chris, beg forgiveness, and take whatever the studios dished out at him. He would survive it, find himself a new career if he needed to. As long as he had Chris at his side, he could weather every storm. Fame and life meant nothing if he didn’t have that one person to share it with. He was about to call Chris, plead with him to come back when a text from Jemma came in.

**Jemma:** Hey cutie, we’re doing your song today, so bring your guitar to set as well as your boy. He should get to see you rock this before he leaves you for Nowheresville. 

Crap, he had forgotten about work. He glanced at the text again, and resolved to skip off, go find Chris. But then he looked at the guitar, the words of the song he had written flowing through his head. They would be perfect...he fired off a text and headed to the shower, humming along with the music in his heart.   
~

**Darren:** I know you probably hate me, and you have every right to. But can you please come to the set? Just...please Chris. 

Chris kept reading the text, wishing he could ignore it, leave Darren to suffer for how he had hurt him. He knew one last encounter would break him, and it would be best to flee now while he could still somewhat function. He had taken in almost none of LA, too numb to enjoy the sights. He had known Darren was trapped in his options, but he had really wished that he would allow love into his life, grab what happiness he could. But apparently Chris himself was not enough, not for Darren. 

Yet here he was, clutching the strap of his duffel bag, standing at the gates of the studio, waiting for the guard to run his name through security. Maybe he was coming to give Darren the slap across the face he so rightly deserved, maybe to plead to give them a second chance. He wasn’t sure, but knew he couldn’t just walk away, not on the words they had. Despite anything, Darren deserved a proper goodbye. But that slap was still sounding awfully appealing…

Chris was let into the lot and spotted Jemma waving at him from a golf cart, her face full of a beaming smile, like she was trying to hold in her excitement. “Hey Colfer, wasn’t sure you were gonna make it when you didn’t show up with Dare-Bear.”

“Yeah...I’m still not even sure why I came. We had a fight.”

“Didn’t know you two were capable of disagreeing about anything. I’m sure whatever happened that it’s all Darren’s fault and there will be a lot of grovelling for your forgiveness once we get this song scene knocked out.” 

Chris had forgotten that they were filming the song today, and his stomach lurched at the idea. He hadn’t heard the lyrics, but Darren had been humming or strumming the melody for weeks now. He didn’t know if he could deal with Darren singing, and wondered if he was being used as an incentive for Darren to act angry or something for filming the scene, and almost demanded to be brought straight back to the gate. Too late though, as they pulled up to the soundstage, Jemma taking his bag and urging him towards the set. 

It was a simple coffee shop, with a stool and microphone in one corner, extras milling around, sipping from empty cups. They were already filming then, and Chris was stuck where he was, staring at the spot he knew Darren would come from. He could spot Lee off screen, bouncing and shaking, his way of relaxing all of his muscles. Chris glanced back, and there was Darren, sitting on the stool, looking ragged and melancholy. His expression was the definition of forlorn, dark circles under his bloodshot eyes, cheeks painted with scruff, an almost mournful frown on his face. He took up the guitar, and began to strum the opening chords as Lee entered in, and began to [sing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8D3IzzpQHg). 

_“I'm awake in the afternoon I fell asleep in the living room and it's one of those moments when everything is so clear. Before the truth goes back into hiding, I want to decide 'cause it's worth deciding to work on finding something more than this fear.”_

It was at this point that Chris realized that Darren wasn’t looking at Lee, like the script called for. He was looking straight at Chris, singing to Chris. It dawned on him that this was Darren’s apology, his attempt to make things right. Chris was touched, but he tried to keep his expression neutral, wanting to hear what else Darren had to say. 

_“But I don't mind a few mysteries, they can stay that way it's fine by me and you are another mystery I am missing. It takes so much out of me to pretend. Maybe, I need to see the daylight, to leave behind this half-life. Don't you see I'm breaking down?”_

At this, there were tears leaking out of Darren’s eyes and he was struggling not to let his voice choke up. He needed to do this, to get this out, even if they would have to completely reshoot it for the purpose of the movie. The crew had understood, this was more important.

_“Lately, something here don't feel right, this is just a half-life is there really no escape? No escape from time of any kind? Come on lets fall in love, come on lets fall in love. Come on lets fall in love again.”_

Darren finished his song and set down the guitar, and while the script called for a smattering of applause, the set was completely silent of human noise. Everyone’s eyes were on Chris, some expectant, others confused. Darren stood next to the stool, wondering if he should go towards Chris or let him come to him. His question was answered when a pair of arms were flung around his neck and his lips were pressed into a warm, firm kiss. 

“I love you, you absolute idiot,” Chris whispered when they separated, the crew clapping and whistling around them. Jemma was whooping and demanding the 1st AD pay up, and Darren had to muffle his laughter as a bunch of money changed hands. 

“So am I forgiven?” Darren asked.

“We need to talk...a lot. But yes,” Chris replied, kissing him softly. “Now I need to get myself home, because I unfortunately have to work tomorrow. You had better come visit me next weekend so we can work this all out.” 

“Darren, take the week off. We’ll shoot the stuff we don’t need you for,” Mark interjected. “I’ll see you back here next Monday and you two have damn well better have this shit figured out by then. Just lost me like 200 bucks because you couldn’t wait until the screening to get your act together…”

“What about the scene?” Darren asked.

“Go! You’d be too distracted anyway,” Mark said with a smile, shooing them off the set. “So who wants to start a new pool to bet how long it takes for them to tie the knot? If it happens before the premiere I wouldn’t be surprised.”  
~

“That...was a great talk.” Darren panted out, Chris slumped on top of him, still deep inside him. 

“Agreed,” Chris croaked, his voice a little hoarse from how vocal he had been when Darren had been trying to take him apart earlier. He could see Darren’s eyes sliding shut and he poked at his chest. “Don’t fall asleep, we have to _actually_ talk, you know that right?”

Darren groaned and that turned into a hissing moan when Chris pulled out, and kept his eyes closed as Chris cleaned them both up. “I know,” he said with a sigh. “I love you, but this is going to suck no matter what.” 

“I...I love you too.” Chris replied, Darren’s eyes flying open and giving Chris a soft smile, not caring that it had been such a simple slip of the tongue and no big deal. Like it was something they said to each other every day...he would bet that they probably would. 

“Look, I won’t sign the new contract. I refuse to let myself be on their leash for any longer. But we still have to hide until the movie is over, and I hate that. I mean, we can be on hold until then, and you can decide. Because God knows what fallout will happen when I say no and then come out and…” 

Chris put a finger to Darren’s lips, silencing his worries before he worked himself into a spiral. “Look, I know it sucks and I hate being your secret, but there is no way in _hell_ I am letting you go through this alone Darren Criss. So I will be by your side whether it’s on the red carpet listening to adoring cheers or hid away and ignoring the negative press. I am never letting you go, you hear me?”

Darren pressed a sweet kiss to Chris’ forehead but had an exasperated expression on his face, and dragged his hand through his hair. “Okay. And don’t take this the wrong way, because you are so worth it...but it’s going to suck when they blackball me. I just don’t know what I’m going to do with my life if I’m not performing. It’s all I know, what I’m good at.”

“Do you really think they will?” Chris asked, rubbing a hand over Darren’s back. 

“Wouldn’t put it past them. The greedy bastards want me in their pocket or make sure no one else is able to collect any bank from me. I mean, they never have before, but maybe no one has stood up to them, would rather keep working in misery than end up as mud.”

“You’re so brave, you know that right?” 

“Hah, I guess.”

“Darren.” Chris took a hold of his chin, forcing their eyes to meet. “If you wanted to live your life in the closet, I would hate it, but I would stay by your side. Instead you’re risking it all to be your truest self, at the potential expense of your career. Coming out is scary, and so many people never do it, but you’re going to. I am so proud of you, for being brave. For making sure your fans know who you really are, no matter how that asshole studio retaliates.”

“I’m doing it for you…”

Chris cut him off at this, the anger burning in his eyes. “Don’t do it for me Darren. That makes it seem like I’m forcing you out, which I would never do. Do it for you, when you’re ready.”

“No, I’m doing it for you because I am so proud to be with you, and I want to show you off. Because I couldn’t live with myself having you live in the shadows. Well if I still have a shadow after all this.” 

Chris wished he could promise Darren that it would all work out, but he knew there would be backlash, even without the threat of the studio breathing down their necks. He could only hope that if they survived the bigots and turncoats, that Darren could still find himself working, still doing what he loved. That he would not come to regret his decision or even resent Chris. 

“I’m doing it for me too, you know,” Darren said, as if he could read Chris’ mind, or had at least picked up on the worry in his eyes. “I am so tired of hiding, of not being me. Yes, I want to act, to perform. But not all the time, which is what I’m doing now. Presenting this image, playing this role every moment that I ‘m in front of cameras. Hell, even when I’m not because the fucking paparazzi are everywhere. I want to be able to be myself for the first time in years. I’ve been wanting to ever since I got this movie, you’re just making me braver, given me an extra reason to fight. So yeah, I might end up really kicking myself for this when no one will hire me. But I will find something else to do with my life. Hell, maybe go back to school and become a music teacher. Honestly if I hadn’t gone into acting, I probably would have done that instead.”

“You’d be great at it, I know how much you love kids…”

“As long as I can hand them back at the end of the day.” They both laughed at that. 

“And I mean, they _might_ not be able to blackball me in New York. I could always see if I could do some Broadway. Plus then I could spend more time with Chuck, Luce and Rosie!”

Chris gave Darren a look at that. “Please tell me that this is just now occurring to you.” 

“I said might, I mean they still have ties there, it’s a very small chance. But it’s the other side of the country and even if I can work there, you live here and…”

“I have always wanted to live in New York. Plus journalist, I can work anywhere.” 

“Chris...you can’t uproot your life for me.”

“Who said I was? I am just saying that if this ends up bad here in California, and you can do Broadway or teach wherever, I would be up for an adventure. And who knows? Maybe if we leave here for awhile, it might get forgotten, and we can come back. Or we’ll like it so much somewhere else it won’t matter and we’ll just return to visit family.” 

“Oh Chris, I can’t ever ask you to abandon your dad...not after…”

Chris felt a pain in his chest at that, knowing it would be so difficult to leave the state where his only family was, where his mom’s grave was. But maybe it was time to accept that she was gone, that she would want him to be happy. And that that meant not tying himself to a place just for the sake of her or her memory. Plus he had just practically committed to living with Darren in a few months time, and despite that, he didn’t feel like it was rushed. It felt...right. “My dad would be the first one to urge me to go. He wants me to live my life, not spend it being his caretaker,” Chris admitted, knowing it was true. “Plus if I was going to be with you, I think he would be already offering to officiate another wedding.”

“It might be too soon for that. But you totally need to hold onto this,” Darren said with a blush, holding out the Ninja Turtles ring Chris had left behind, now on a dark leather string to contrast the metal chain Darren kept his on. Chris smiled as he slipped the necklace over his head and grabbed Darren’s to place around his neck. 

“You may now kiss your boyfriend.” He said shyly, tugging gently on the chain, bringing the lips together. When they broke apart, they were smiling. “And now I have to get my butt to the airport because my flight is in like, an hour. And you have to pack.”

“Pack?” Darren asked, but already getting up to find his luggage.

“Yeah well Brian misses you, so remember your meds this time.”

“...you want me to come to Fresno with you?”

“Well you may have the week off, but I don’t. And I really don’t want to be apart from you now that we’re together...does that sound clingy? I don’t want to make it seem like you have to come, I just…”

Darren silenced him with a kiss. “I don’t want to be apart from you either.” 

“So you’ll spend the week with me?”

“D’uh.”

“Then let Mrs. Yates know she can have the time off and get your stuff, we’ll be lucky if we make this plane and I cannot be late for work tomorrow.” 

“Aye aye sir,” Darren replied with a mock salute, barely avoiding the pillow that flew through the air towards his face.   
~

Chris was considerably distracted the next day at work. Darren, his brand spanking new boyfriend was sitting in his apartment, probably being used as a pillow by his cat and reading through his contract with a fine tooth comb, hoping there was something there that would avert disaster. He was also a bit sore and tired from how long Darren had made love to him the night prior, but he was in no way regretting it, especially since he had plans for when he got home involving seeing if he could fuck his scrumptious man up against a wall. 

“Excuse me are you Chris Colfer?” a male voice asked from the entrance of Chris’ cubicle. At Chris’ assent, he pulled out a vase of blue irises and set them on his desk. The delivery man gave a tip of his hat and walked back out of the office, Chris’ thanks trailing behind him. Chris smiled at the flowers, and took the small card nestled amongst the blooms. _‘Blue irises mean hope. You give me such hope and love so I thought I’d send you some to brighten up your day. XO D’_

**Chris:** You sweet silly dope.

**Darren:** I am sure I have no idea to what you’re referring to.   
But you liked them right?

**Chris:** I LOVE them. Thank you  <3

**Darren:** <3 you too. 

“Oh look at Colfer, getting flowers at work, somebody must have made a friend in LaLa Land!” one of the office girls teased, though her eyes were a tad jealous. 

“Nope.” Chris replied, popping his p. “Just my goofball of a boyfriend wanting to brighten my day.”

Chris wasn’t sure what was louder, the awww the girls let out or the fake puking sound being let out by some of his male coworkers. He decided he didn’t care and went back to writing his latest article, a bright smile on his face the entire time. Oh yeah, the neighbors better have earplugs because that wall would be making good friends with Darren’s back the minute he got home.   
~

Saying goodbye frankly sucked in Darren’s opinion. It had been a wonderful week with Chris, but he was needed on set the next day. They had spent a lot of time talking, laughing and sleeping, always holding each other. They also had a LOT of sex. Like ran out of condoms twice a lot. He had a vague soreness all over, a hickey the make up girls might kill him over and a near permanent smile. Chris was no better, though his smile was waning as they pulled up to the airport. 

“Okay, your stop sir. Please call me when you land, and come visit me soon. I won’t get any more time off until filming is over, so we may need to rely on Skype to see one another.” Chris whispered, his fingers twiddling together, eyes avoiding looking at Darren at all costs. 

“You’re not going to see me to the security gate?” Darren asked with an over exaggerated pout. 

“Is that...safe?” Chris asked, hesitant. 

“My darling hus...boyfriend. We’re in Fresno, I look like a caveman and I don’t fucking care. I just want my epic airport goodbye.” Darren replied, rubbing his hands over the impressive beard he had managed to grow in the week. The results of which were interesting in certain places. 

“You can still call me your husband you know. I think I’d miss it if you didn’t.” Chris said, rubbing his hand over the back of his flushed neck. “I know you aren’t going to...any time soon. But just because we’re together now doesn’t mean I want us to change.” He fingered the cord around his neck, playing with it absently. 

“Alright husband, walk me inside. I expect a big dippy kiss and everything, tears even,” Darren replied, a smug expression combatting Chris’ playful scowl as they exited the car, fingers tangling together. “I’m going to miss you, ya know?”

“Oh God don’t start that or there actually _will_ be tears. We’ll Skype as much as we can, and you can come visit me if you get a chance. Then after filming you take a break, come relax with me before you dive into whatever other projects you may have brewing and we go to the screening together.”

“And the premiere.” Darren had scoured that contract, and he was free the day of the premiere, and damn if he wasn’t going to use it as a way to make a statement, Mark’s blessing already given. 

“We’ll talk about that when it’s closer to, just in case you want to change your mind about that. But yes, the premiere.” Chris replied, squeezing Darren’s hand. 

“I won’t.” 

“You can’t know that Darren…” Chris protested, only to be silenced by a kiss himself. 

“Chris you are the one thing in this entire shit show that I am sure of. So trust me when I say that I won’t change my mind about this, about you, about us.” 

“But I’m just...me.”

“You are _never_ just anything to me.”

With that, they had reached the gate, both of them trying to blink away tears. “I’ll call as soon as I can, and I’ll be back before you know it,” Darren whispered, pulling Chris in for a hug, only to find himself being dipped into an epic kiss, mindless of the catcalls around them. He righted himself, a dazed expression showing on his features.

“Did that live up to your expectations?” Chris quipped, blushing. 

“Even better. Love you,” Darren replied, waving at Chris and catching the words before he entered the security room, finally letting a few tears fall before he rubbed them away. He just had to remember that this whole situation would be over soon, and then...well he and Chris would find their place. Together.   
~

Darren sat, stone still with his arms crossed and a grimace on his face as he sat in the uncomfortable chair as the studio executives droned on around him. The time had come for him to renew his contract, according to them, as he had just finished filming earlier the week. These past few weeks had been hard, filming had been emotionally intense, there had been various rewrites and reshoots as a result, which meant more stress on everyone involved. Darren and Chris tried to Skype as often as they could, but had only seen each other in person twice due to their hectic schedules. As a result, Darren was itching to be in Fresno instead of enduring this useless meeting. 

Duncan had heard out his plan, and while he wished the studio would relent in their pursuit of him, he promised to support Darren as long as he was performing. “Look, I know there’s plenty of LBGT friendly studios if you want to agree to sign with them right after, would give you a legit reason to leave the idiots in the dust. Something that won’t tie you down, or you can be a free agent and only sign to do projects as they come. I’m with you no matter what.” 

Darren declined signing with anyone else, hating the concept of one company owning him, regardless of their promises of allowing him creative freedom and the pursuit of his own projects. He didn’t want to be obligated to anyone or be wrangled into doing something he had no interested in due to some contract. He glanced at his watch once more, rolling his eyes as Mr. Finch, the studio head went on. 

“We have already agreed that we will release control of your next album, regardless of your decision, but reserve the rights to the songs we provided you with.”

“That’s fine, I wouldn’t put my name behind them unless I had no choice. I’d rather do songs I wrote myself or have respect for,” Darren retorted, the sneer evident on his face. 

There was a conflict about award winning songwriters composing the tracks, which almost had Darren yawning in boredom. He was usually much more respectful than this, but the threats these men had made to Duncan at the last meeting had tried his patience and pushed aside his usual good manners. “Look, the movie’s in post now, it should be out by the holidays, I have no projects until then, and you have to know I’m not going to come back to you guys after that. So what is the point of me even being here?” 

Mr. Finch looked flustered and glanced at the other board members before replying “We had hoped you would reconsider, especially considering how difficult things could be made for you once you’re released.”

“You won’t do anything,” Darren said, calling their bluff. “You want this movie to succeed, you’ve lined enough pockets to see that it will be a big name when all the academies are considering statues. You’ll shoot yourself in the foot if you create controversy surrounding me. Because everyone will know the rumors and ban on hiring me is coming from you. People will rightly assume you’re doing it because of my sexuality and then...well the anti-discrimination police will be decrying you guys so bad you’ll never know what hit you. I won’t ever need to confirm anything to the press about it, but I sure as hell will be laughing when they ask.”

“You’ll create controversy yourself if you taint the premiere with your vulgarity,” scoffed another board member. 

“Given the plot of the movie? I really doubt that,” Darren replied, eyeing his nails and wondering if Chris would be willing to give him a manicure this weekend, they were planning on heading up to San Francisco for Pride and he needed some rainbows. “Now, I’ll stay quiet, try to finish my album until the contract runs out. Maybe take a nice long vacation before I jump into another project. And you fellows will let me go very politely and accept the fact that your homophobic scare tactics won’t work on me.”

“You won’t work in this town again if you walk away,” threatened Finch, his face turning red, akin to a child having a tantrum over not getting what they wanted. 

“So I’ll find another town to work in. I don’t need you guys to succeed,” Darren replied, easing himself out of the extremely uncomfortable chair that seemed to populate every board room. “Oh and by the way, Duncan recorded this whole meeting, so you come after me? Expect some epic wrath in payback.” Duncan waved the phone he had been using the whole time, both he and Darren giving waves with shit eating grins as they walked out of the boardroom, leaving the flabbergasted executives behind them. 

Darren pulled out his phone, smiling at the picture of him and Chris napping together that Ashley had taken on his last visit. “Hey babe, it’s over. You ready for a weekend of getting spoiled rotten by my mom and the gayest parade ever?”

Chris gave a miniature yell of happiness at the news that this idiocy was dealt with. Sure, the studio may still choose to retaliate, but they refused to worry about it any longer. It was time to move forward with their lives, regardless of what was coming. “Depends, do I get to fuck you into your childhood mattress?” he asked with a smirk. 

Darren laughed a little, blushing a little. “ _Chris_. I am sad to say that Mom replaced my old bed and now it’s just a guest room. But I am all for a bit of imagination and role play if you are. Just know that my parents sleep like logs and the walls are thick.”

Duncan had his fingers in his ears and was humming to himself, used to this sort of thing by now, but wishing the elevator that would take Darren to his car and thus to the airport would get there faster. 

Chris was beet red, but had to smile at his boyfriend’s ridiculousness. “Just get home you goof, then to me and we’ll discuss your deviant fantasies on the way to visit your parents.”

“Oooh, can we join the mile high club?”

“Darren!”

“Oh, and then we can visit your dad and…”

“Darren Everett Criss if you value your life you will _not_ finish that sentence.”

“Why is it okay to talk about desecrating my old childhood bedroom but not yours?” Darren asked, getting into his car and attaching his phone to the sound system, ensuring his bags were still there and began heading for the airport, waving at Duncan with a grateful smile as he pulled out. 

“Because if you think you won’t be sleeping on the couch at my father’s house until we are legally wed or at the very least engaged, you are sorely mistaken.” 

“Your dad knows we plan on living together by next year right?”

“Yeah, and he also mentioned he was thinking about getting his hunting rifles out of storage when we go visit him for the Fourth. So…”

“Okay, scary Dad is scary, got it,” Darren said, gulping loudly. “Chris?”

“Yes my love?”

“I don’t _really_ have to sleep on the couch when we go to Clovis do I?”  
~  
Darren rapped his now rainbow painted nails on the front door of his parents home, Chris shaking his head at him the whole time. To be fair, it was the first time he had used nail polish, but Darren seemed pleased and that was all that mattered. “Why are you knocking? Seems like you would just walk right in, yelling out for your mom.” 

“Yeah but I told her I was bringing my boyfriend, and I wanted to the who to be a surprise.” Darren said with a smirk. 

“Darren Criss please tell me you are not keeping me a secret from your mother and are now surprising her with this fact,” Chris yelped, smacking his hand across Darren’s arm. 

Darren didn’t have the time to say anything as the door flew open, Cerina smiling brightly at both of them. “ _Sinta! Syota_! It is so nice to see you both!” Then she looked around, as if wondering where Darren’s new boyfriend was before Chris gave her a sheepish wave and she screamed with joy. She pulled Chris in for a kiss to the cheek, and flicked Darren’s forehead before doing the same. “You little sneak! Not telling me you were dating Christopher! How long has this been going on?”

“Well you _did_ tell me to give him a hug and kiss on Mother’s Day,” Darren drawled, pulling Chris in for both to avoid another smack, both of them beaming brightly. Suddenly a thought came to him. “Chris, you did tell your dad right?”

Chris had an evil smile on his face. “I did tell you he was getting his gun ready…” At Darren’s paling face he laughed. “Of course I did. He was ecstatic. You know that. I told him that we’re going to live together and I can’t hide anything from him, especially not now.”

Cerina was not not listening and decided eavesdropping was worth it since she got to pull her new son into her arms. Because as much as the boys would claim they were just boyfriends, they already had plans to share a home, and she knew it would be a very short time before she attended their wedding. She and Chris both wiped tears away from their eyes as they pulled apart, both wishing Karyn was here to join in on the joy of this new love. 

“Oh come on, let’s get some tea and you two can tell me everything. Including when you, mister,” pointing at Darren, “plan to tell the world about the first person to make you smile like you’ve eaten the sun.”   
~

Chris was nervous when he entered his father’s house, calling out for Tim, pulling Darren in behind him. His dad had always been supportive of him being gay, but this was the first man he had ever really brought home. But this was no ordinary man, this was a man that Tim had known when they were children, that was now famous and in the closet. Chris had told Tim their plan to assuage his worries, but he still worried that his father would judge, would question Darren. He had indeed joked about getting a shotgun, make sure Darren’s intentions were good, pull the big tough Dad act. But even if he did Chris would stand by his man, let them stand together as a partnership. He would need to do that in the future from much tougher places than his father, so he had to be strong. 

“My boys!” Tim yelled as he came around the corner, scooping Chris up in a hug like it had been years since they had last seen each other. Chris was a bit guilty of prioritizing his time off for Darren, but his father had insisted he didn’t need a babysitter. Tim at first pulled a stern look at Darren who gulped but held out his (probably sweaty) hand out. Tim then laughed and pulled Darren into a bear hug himself, thumping his back lovingly. “It’s so good to see the both of you, how was Pride?” 

“Colorful,” Chris quipped dryly. 

“He had a blast, don’t let his blank expression fool you,” Darren said. “Do you wanna see pictures?”

“As long as you’re at least mostly clothed in them, sure,” Tim replied. 

“Good luck finding any of this guy then,” Chris joked, gesturing at Darren. Darren make a protesting sound at that. “Dare, I love you but cutoffs and bodypaint do not count as mostly clothed.”

“I was wearing shoes!” Darren protested. 

“So you were only one article of clothing away from being an extra in La Cage and that’s your defense?” Chris snarked. 

Tim snorted a little at that, causing both men to look at him, confused glances on their faces. “Did you two up and get married without me there? Because you sound just like every married couple I’ve ever known.” 

Later that night, as Chris was talking with Hannah, Darren approached Tim. “I know you were joking earlier, but would you be really upset if we eventually did get married?” he queried. 

Tim looked thoughtful and took a swig of his beer before responding. “Darren, you have grown into a wonderful, admirable man who my son loves with all his heart. Karyn and I wanted nothing more for Christopher than for him to find love, find happiness with someone. I know she would be already secretly planning the wedding behind your backs if she were here. I just ask that I’m invited. Don’t rightly care when or where it is, as long as I’m there to share it with you.” 

Darren absent-mindedly played with the ring hanging around his neck. Maybe he was rushing things, asking this just after getting re-introduced to Tim, but they always said when you knew that you should go for it. He had never been as sure about anything as he had with Chris, and maybe he would change his mind when the storm came but he had a feeling they would weather it together and come out stronger. “Does that mean I have your blessing to propose when the time comes?”

Tim looked at Darren. “You gonna do it this weekend?”

“No...but probably before the year is out.” 

“Make it a good one. He may say he wants something simple, but he has had his heart set on some sweeping elaborate thing since he saw his first Disney movie. Just...private though, if that makes sense.” 

“I got it.” 

“Well then, welcome to the family son,” Tim said, tipping his beer towards Darren so they could clink their bottles together. 

“Thanks...Dad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Darren sings in this chapter, Duncan Sheik's Half Life is the inspiration for a LOT of this fic; see if you can find all the references! Also it has always given me MAJOR CrissColfer feels and am hoping one day someone will use it in a fanvid for them (and link it to me!)


	7. Chapter 7

While neither Chris or Darren liked being long distance, they learned to deal with separation while they lived their own lives. Darren went back on his album, including the song he had written for **The Half Life** , and was primed to release it after the movie came out. Chris had been covering the continuing dramas within the local political scene, making a name for himself as a top notch journalist, though the mayoral office pushed back against him at every headline. Both of them made time for one another, but refused to put their lives on hold for one another just yet. 

Soon enough Mark called them for the screening of the film, Chris still pestering Darren for what happened at the end. “No way Colfer, Mark swore me to secrecy, even with you. You'll just have to wait another two hours to find out!”

They entered Mark’s home, a cheer going up for the two of them, Jemma reaching for Chris’ hands and then Darren’s and letting out a disappointed whine when she saw they were bereft of a wedding or engagement ring. “Pot’s still on boys! I am doubling my wager!”

Chris looked at Darren as if the whole thing was crazy. “Did they seriously expect us to be engaged by now?”

“I’m more insulted that they bet on us or just assumed that I would be the one to propose.” Chris shot Darren a look at this. “I mean, I probably will be, but come on!”

“I love you, weirdo,” Chris remarked, pressing a kiss to Darren’s cheek, resulting in catcalls from the assembled cast and crew, which Darren smirked at before flipping them off. Mark slapped him on the back before handing them a bowl of popcorn and some sodas, a diet for Chris and ushering the whole population of the party into his theatre room. Which Chris remarked was probably half the size of a regulation movie theatre, but also much nicer. 

“I can’t wait to see Lee go running to you in the end., Chris said, trying to get a reaction from Darren. 

“It would be like two steps if he does, the man’s legs are a mile long,” Darren snarked, cuddling into Chris’ side as the lights went down.  
~

 _Julian walked down the street, Marianne on his arm, chatting aimlessly, a slightly blasé look on his face. He knew he had made the right choice, not breaking up his marriage. He might not be ecstatically happy, but life was easy, comfortable with her. They passed a section of stores, their reflection portraying a perfect domestic tableau. But it was the schlubby looking man on the other side of the street that caught Julian’s glance. It was Scott, looking like a mess, miserable and uncaring about his appearance, a direct contrast to his usual demeanor. He looked up, as if feeling Julian’s eyes on him, stopping to stare. Their eyes met, regret for what could have been and the sadness for how they had parted flashing between them._

_Marianne never noticed their momentary pause, caught up in her story and a colorful display in the window beside her. She had known about his affair, and months of counselling had gotten her to eventually forgive him. But she never knew it was Scott, never saw his face or knew his name, claiming ignorance was bliss. But Scott knew Marianne, had seen her picture, even though he refused to say her name, hating how Julian had made him the accessory in his separation. Hated that he had not been the first choice. He tore himself away, shoving his hands into his pockets and stomping off, never knowing if Julian’s eyes followed him or went back to his life. Julian kept walking, never looking, as of the hurt was too much, they passed each other, and their reflections met, almost facing one another, if only in the glass._

_Then, the color seemingly burst forth in the film, showing another vision, Julian and Scott walking hand in hand down the street, laughing and talking. They stopped in front of a home, Scott straightening out Julian’s lapel and pressing a kiss to his lips. “Stop worrying so much. I’m sure they’ll love us.”_

_“What if I’m not good enough?” Julian said, worrying his lip. “What if we never…”_

_“Then we get by. Just us two. But that won’t happen,” Scott said, his voice shaking, betraying his nervousness._

_“What if they hold my divorce against us? What if Marianne contests?” Julian said, already ready to walk away._

_“Jules, she can’t touch you. Or us. Okay?”_

_With a gulp Julian nodded, pulling them up the stairs, the shot closing in on the plaque outside the home ‘Miss Audrey’s Home For Children’ before the screen faded to black, and the score began to play._  
~

Chris was torn between questioning if that was seriously the ending and wiping away the tears streaming down his face. Darren handed him a tissue, and kissed his temple before nuzzling his neck. “I take it that you liked it?”

“If you don’t get a shiny gold statue out of that then we protest,” Chris replied. 

“Deal. So...premiere is in a few weeks, you up for it?”

Chris turned in his seat, looking at Darren, who was hopeful and nervous. Was he ready? Ready to be out in the open with Darren? To potentially give up his privacy for the sake of a man? He knew he couldn’t allow Darren to come out alone, and if he said no that Darren would stay hidden, as much as it pained him. He refused to do it without proclaiming his love for Chris, which was sweet, even if it placed an enormous amount of pressure on Chris’ shoulders. But...God Darren was worth it, he would always be worth it. So he smiled and nodded. “I’ll be your date. But I get to pick out my suit.”

The kiss Darren pulled him into was epic enough to set off fireworks in Chris’ head and hot enough for him not to care about the ruckus the crew was now making. He would flick popcorn at them later, he was far too busy getting the life kissed out of him by his most perfect man right now.  
~

Darren smoothed out his shirt and straightened his tie. He fluffed up his curls, and finally pulled on his jacket, inspecting the whole package in the mirror. He looked good, but he was more nervous to see how Chris looked. He was getting dressed in the bathroom, refusing to let Darren see him until he was ready. Darren figured that it was more so that he was needing some space and private time in order to manage his nerves. Darren then slipped on his shoes and wondered if it would make it worse if he checked on Chris or let him be. He wondered if the event was informal enough that he could add a ring to his fingers. He was technically wearing his ‘wedding ring’ around his neck, but he liked to play with rings, give into his love of the jewelry. 

He was looking through his collection of rings when Chris’ soft _hey_ rang out in the air, causing Darren to whirl around. Chris was blushing, looking down at his shoes that he was currently scuffling into the carpet. “Do I look alright?”

Darren took in how the slim charcoal suit accented Chris’ figure, the navy tie bringing the blue in his eyes, the crisp white shirt highlighting his rosy blush. Chris’ fingers were twirling together, as if he was seriously doubting how scrumptious he looked. Darren debated skipping the premiere altogether so he could ravish his man, but doubt that would go over well. He had meant to wolf whistle, to fall to his knees and pant in order to relax Chris, but when he knelt the words that came out of his mouth were not animalistic at all. 

“Marry me.”

“WHAT!?”

“Marry me.” 

“Darren you can’t be serious. I mean, we’ve only been together for…”

“I don’t care.”

“But I mean, what if things go badly tonight…”

“I’d want you by my side, as my husband even more.”

“Darren we’re not four, this isn’t just a play time game. I mean, we don’t even live in the same city, and we have no idea how we’d really be together as a couple who shares a home, let alone a married life.” 

Darren had quite enough of Chris’ rambling and reasons as to why this was crazy, so he interrupted. “Chris.” Chris looked at him, his mouth open mid-protest. “Do you love me?” A nod. “Then say yes.” 

“But…” Chris’ voice was weaker, looking down at the love shinning in Darren’s eyes, looking how sure he was in the idea of them, as husbands. If he was honest with himself, this was all he had ever wanted, to be married. And since January, if he were truthful, to be married to Darren. So without any more reasons as to why they shouldn’t…”Yes.” 

Darren leapt to his feet and pulled him into a passionate kiss. He went back to his ring collection and extracted a box he had been hiding there since July. Since Tim had given him his blessing. He opened it up, taking out a thin platinum band, and slid it onto Chris’ ring finger. He took out it’s match and held it out to Chris, presenting his own left hand. Tears were shed as the ring slid home. 

“I now pronounce us fiancés,” Chris chuckled. “Seal it with a kiss?”

Darren pulled him in close to whisper, “Christopher, don’t you know? Kissing is gross.” before he brought their lips together.  
~

“And here comes the supporting man of the evening, Darren Criss! Darren over here!” called Victoria Walsh, the top reporter on scene from **EW** , waving at Darren as he and Chris walked the red carpet, smiling and wincing at the numerous flash bulbs. So far the chatter over who Chris could be was minimal, as Darren had been known to go to premieres with his friends when a date was not available, though it was usually one of the StarKids. Darren waltzed over to Victoria, pressing a small kiss to the air beside both her cheeks. 

“Hello Vicky. How nice to see you,” Darren said politely, pulling Chris up besides him, looking a tad uncomfortable, hoping to stay on the sidelines as much as possible. He then began discussing the movie, how much he had enjoyed filming, how much the story had touched him, “Because I could relate to it so much.” 

“Oh?” Vicky inquired, knowing she was landing a scoop, indicating that the camera should keep rolling even though they had more than gotten the necessary sound bite. “Do tell.” She then noticed that Darren was clutching the hand of the pale handsome man standing beside him, a lifeline perhaps. “Perhaps by introducing your guest? Rather rude of us both to ignore him so.” 

Darren pulled Chris closer, sending him a warm smile, asking him with his eyes if he was ready for this. Chris squeezed his hand, shaking and sweaty as it was. Darren could feel their rings, knowing that if all else failed, he would always have Chris beside him. “This lovely gentleman here is Chris Colfer. He’s my fiancé.” 

Darren swore that all the air got sucked up and that noise stopped the minute he said the words. In reality, there were still screaming fans and a gentle breeze. But his world hinged on this moment, this one sentence would forever change his fate and determine his future. Thankfully he knew Vicky and she was a big LBGT advocate, having been the child of two lovely women. So honestly, she was the best choice to give this story to and Darren thanked whatever lucky stars he might have that she had been the first one to call to him. 

Vicky for her part, tried her hardest not to react, but her eyes immediately flew to the rings adorning both their fingers. Darren was no stranger to rings, but this one was new. “Well then, congratulations to you, when did you get engaged?”

“Right before we came, this goober couldn’t wait until afterwards,” Chris quipped, nudging Darren in the side but giving him a blistering warm smile all the while. He did however, thank goodness that they had informed their families on the way to the premiere lest they hear about the development on TV and kill them both before a wedding could even take place. 

“Wow! Spontaneous! How did you two meet?”

“We were childhood sweethearts,” Darren said, pulling out the photo of the two of them getting married as children out of his breast pocket, Chris hiding his face at the gesture. “Even got married, as you can see. We reconnected early this year and I knew I had to renew our vows and make it official as soon as I could.” 

Darren had a soft smile when he looked at Chris, and Vicky had to hold in a coo as she took the scene in. She could hear Chris whisper his love for Darren into his ear, making her instantly love this couple. “So I guess I get now why the story means so much to you. I hope you’ll sit down with me soon to give out all the details about why now, but I don’t want to take up any more of your time, so you two go enjoy the premiere and I’ll be in touch.” Vicky gave them both air kisses and despite the fact that she was supposed to interview the leading lady, she signalled the camera man to cut tape as the men walked off, ignoring all the yells over their clasped hands as they entered the theatre. Vicky smiled and then immediately got out her phone to call Darren’s manager. This scoop was absolutely hers!  
~

**‘Darren Criss Comes Out!’**

_Darren sat down with me just a day after the premiere of his newest movie, ‘The Half Life’ to discuss the bombshell he dropped about his orientation._

_**VW:** So how long have you identified as gay?_

_**DC:** Since I was a teenager probably. My parents, closest friends and management all knew of course._

_**VW:** So why the decision to come out now? I mean, were you keeping it secret due to privacy reasons and only let it out due to your recent engagement? (At this, Criss smiled and played with his ring) Or was it a decision you made to keep an image?_

_**DC:** Well it was a decision regarding my image, but definitely not one I made, nor I was happy with. I won’t point fingers other than to say my manager has always been supportive of me being who I am and hated this decision as much as I did._

_**VW:** So why now?_

_**DC:** Well my circumstances changed, the need for such an image was lifted. So I got to let the world know who I really am and introduce them to the person who makes me the happiest._

_**VW:** Chris [Colfer] your fiancé? (Criss smiled very brightly at this, and waved to Colfer, who was sitting off to the side, lovingly shaking his head at these antics)_

_**DC:** The one and only. He has made my life so much brighter for being in it, and I am so happy that we finally got back together after all these years._

_Criss then told me the story of the two. They had known each other as young children, been sweethearts, including a pretend wedding of which he gladly showed me pictures. Colfer was blushing in protest the entire time, but good naturedly let the pictures be used. They were ripped apart due to moving, and reconnected after the death of Colfer’s mother early this year._

_**DC:** Karyn was a lovely woman, and we both miss her deeply, but we know that she not-so-secretly wanted us to be together given all the notes she put in our scrapbook. Both of our families are extremely supportive of our relationship, as tragic as the circumstances are for how it restarted._

_At this point, Colfer was crying, and Criss went over to console him, whispering sweetly and handing off a tissue. He then brought Colfer over to cuddle for the rest of the interview, as a source of comfort. I can say with certainty that you would have to be made of stone not to see how much these two clearly adore one another. Criss then finished off their story, talking of making a long distance relationship work, his impromptu proposal and their plans to relax before jumping into wedding planning. Also about the movie’s crew placing bets on them, which he believes the director won._

_**VW:** Any plans to increase the size of your family after the wedding?_

_**DC:** Umm, no. Chris has a fur baby named Brian who I am allergic to, so I see lots of allergy shots in my future, but no kids, no. (At this point Colfer whispered in his ear) And apparently we’re planning on getting a dog eventually too. (To Colfer) Babe are you trying to kill me with all the fur?_

_**VW:** How do you think your fans will react to you coming out?_

_**DC:** Well I obviously hope they’ll support me. I have always advocated for LGBT rights, and never really made a statement regarding my own preferences, but was put in a position where one would very easily assume the wrong thing. I just want them to know that I did this so I can live my life truly being Darren, so I can be happy with how I present myself to the world. But essentially I haven’t changed, and that they will accept that._

_**VW:** What was it like to hide being gay? Having to lie about it?_

_**DC:** Honestly? It f****** sucked. I hated doing it, and hated myself for continuing to stay in a situation where I felt I had to be insincere to survive. I was scared of what would happen to me, to my career if I came out...now I’m still scared, but I have a reason to be brave, (Criss kissed Colfer’s temple at that, who blushed and snuggled further into his embrace. They later asked I not release pictures of the two of them in such an intimate moment, which is a shame, as they are too cute for words) and the freedom to be truthful. I am sorry if anyone feels that I was dishonest, but everyone comes out at their own pace, and now was my time to do so. I just have to hope that my fans will understand and continue to support me._

_**VW:** Any advice for queer youth out there? _

_**DC:** I don’t know if I’m really in the position to give it. I mean, be yourself definitely. Don’t let work or ambition or prejudice keep the real you hidden away. If you feel safe and comfortable doing so, come out. Always know you have a support system; whether that be those closest to you or organizations like Trevor who are always willing to listen._

_**VW:** Anything else you’d like to add?_

_**DC:** Go see the movie, definitely. It’s probably my best work, and I had a blast making it, even the times when it was emotionally draining and I missed this guy like crazy. (Colfer whispered in his ear at this point) Oh yeah, and bring tissues!_

_**‘The Half Life’** is out in theatres now and Darren’s album will be coming out next week where you can hear him sing the title track from the movie._  
~

The fallout was swift from the more conservative media outlets, ranging from saying the role had changed Darren into a gay man (though with more swearing and homophobic slurs) to saying he had lied to promote the film, to other pieces claiming he had been ashamed about his sexuality, thus the lie. Darren worried that it would affect the movie’s viewing, but it shot up in the box office if anything. Critics praised the movie and his performance in particular. While the vocal rejection from some of his fans and the outcry of revulsion from some hurt Darren, he simple clasped Chris tighter to him for reassurance that he was still loved. Many fans wrote him letters, some applauding his bravery, some filled with vitriol which Chris immediately trashed. The most touching were those telling him how he inspired them; either to come out themselves or just to live the lives they had always denied themselves due to fear. 

Darren’s album did reasonably well, but the title song from the movie did make it onto the charts, bringing offers from different studios for song deals, most of which he rejected if the project didn’t appeal to him. He did go out for a few auditions, but was never heartbroken when nothing came of them. They were hanging around Chris’ apartment, Brian purring on Darren’s lap as he just enjoyed a quiet afternoon with no obligations or expectations. 

“Have you thought about what you want to do?” Chris asked, peering over the top of his book, watching as Darren shook his head. “Well you mentioned Broadway...is that still a viable option?”

Darren looked contemplative for a minute. “I mean, I’ve had some calls, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to up and head off, not while Mark needs me for press. But he’s been so cool about everything, and even if I landed something, I think he’d let me go. At least until the awards are announced. Why? You up for a NYC adventure?”

“Well my lease is almost up, and honestly, since we came out the paper is a bit reluctant to send me out in the field just for my own safety. So I doubt they would be too surprised if I took some time or asked to be laid off. I told you, I’d love to go to New York,” Chris replied. 

“You saying you finally ready to live with me babe?”

“I’m saying I would not be opposed to the notion, as long as you know Brian and I are a package deal. Plus if I am going to be some house husband who is stuck at home while you conquer the Great White Way I am so getting my dog.”

“Our dog.” 

“You’re allergic!”

“Still our dog. I mean, Brian’s practically adopted me, might as well get another way to aggravate my sinuses.”

Brian, hearing his name, cocked his head with a mewl, and seeing that his petting had stopped, jumped off in the direction of his food dish. Chris practically lept into Darren’s lap the moment it was free. “Then yes, I want to live with you and add to the animal population of our family.” 

“Yay,” Darren cheered, bringing their lips together for a kiss.  
~

“Victoria Walsh here, catching up with all our favorite Oscar nominees today, and this morning I have the pleasure of talking with my favorite supporting actor, Darren Criss!” 

“Hi Vicky.” 

“So Darren, word is that you’re in rehearsals for a new show on Broadway, care to give us any details?”

“Oh, well it’s a story I’ve loved for years and years. It’s been a real experience slipping into the character, and their wardrobe.”

“Oh, come on! Any hints as to what it is?”

Darren gave a smug grin, shaking his head. “Nope. But the promo poster is going to be revealed after the awards are all done with, and I can say I’ll be doing a 12 week run starting the end of April.”

“You’re no fun. Fine, how’s New York?”

“Magical as always. It’s a good place for us, we’re getting a lot of walking done because someone just _had_ to get the most hyperactive puppy in existence. But I’m loving being back in the Big Apple, and Chris has a million projects to keep him occupied. Plus my brother is there, so it’s always nice to spend time with him and get to be the coolest uncle ever,” Darren replied, knowing various pictures of him and Cooper, the dog he and Chris had adopted were showing, as well as one of him holding Rosemary at her baptism a few years ago. 

“How’s the wedding planning going?” Vicky asked, smirking as Darren blushed. 

“Uh, slow. We’re okay waiting on it. Maybe in the fall after the show run’s done? We only want something simple,” Darren said, trying his best not to fiddle with the ring he had on his finger. Honestly he was itching to just run down to City Hall, but Chris wanted a wedding, and damn if Darren wasn’t going to give him one worth remembering.

“So tell me, how did you react when you got the Academy Award nominee for playing Scott?” 

“Well I’m glad we live in a penthouse, otherwise the neighbors would still be complaining about my scream when they announced my name,” Darren said, chuckling as he remembered the dance he had done around the kitchen. Chris had danced right along with him, even though an hour before he had thrown a pillow at him when the alarm went off at 5:30 AM. “I mean, I have no idea how I got nominated and to be up there with such great actors...wow, it’s a thrill. I know everyone says it’s an honor just to be nominated, but for me this is not my first role, but it’s my first big serious role and has been a chance for me to really show what I can do. So I’m proud of what I managed to pull off and am still just shocked and so humble about this nomination.”

“Well good luck Darren, I’ll be rooting for you. Plus the office Oscar pool has you in high standing and I want to win!” They both laughed at that as the cameras turned off and a cut was called. Darren embraced Vicky warmly before calling his driver to head back towards home, towards Chris.  
~

On the morning of Valentine’s Day neither Chris nor Darren had any plans to leave their bed until at least noon. They didn’t crawl out until nearly one, and then took another hour showering together before digging into a deluxe breakfast lovingly prepared by their New York chef, Mrs. Cline. They had a simple date the night before, flowers and dinner, as Darren had rehearsal that evening. However, a text from his director called it off, as his wife had threatened him with bodily harm. 

“Hey babe, I’ve got the evening free after all, you want to do anything?” Darren called out to Chris who was getting dressed in their room. 

“Come get dressed, I have an evening planned!” Chris yelled back. “I may have made friends with Frieda and mentioned you needing the night off. Needless to say she had no idea anyone was supposed to work tonight, so…”

“You devious little minx.” Darren went into the bedroom, noting that Chris was dressed to the nines in a smart suit, his hair defying gravity and eyes sparkling. He was silently pressed into the bathroom to shave and a suit bag was presented to him with instructions to get smancy. “I am so glad you have no interest in world domination Chris, otherwise you’d have done it by now.” 

Afterwards, they were looking pretty fucking dapper, and after bidding their zoo farewell, strolled out onto the streets and into a waiting town car. At Darren’s questioning look, Chris smiled brilliantly. “It’s a surprise. Happy Valentine’s Day sweetie.”

Eventually they pulled up to the closest entrance to the Central Park Boathouse that they could. A soft snow began to fall, so they clutched their peacoats closer and ran through the flakes towards the establishment, giggling all the while. Darren figured they were in for a fancy dinner again, and maybe a show afterwards. They rarely went out a lot, especially two nights in a row, but he figured it was a special occasion, as Chris hadn’t wanted to cancel his plans when Darren offered them a Valentine’s date the night before. 

They entered the Boathouse, noting it was bustling with people, fancy tables set with gorgeous red roses against white tablecloths, the room swathed in romance to fit the holiday. A string quartet was playing in the background, something that sounded familiar to Darren’s ears but he couldn’t quite place over the chatter. Then he swore he saw Joey and Lauren at a table, sharing a laugh with Brian and Meredith over something. He blinked hard and looked again and saw more StarKids, family and friends everywhere he looked. And not only his own, but people he knew were related to Chris, people he had met or seen in photos in their apartment. 

There was a hush as they were spotted, Chris glancing at Darren, wondering if he had worked it out yet. “Chris? What’s going on?” he asked, spying their parents and siblings, all beaming while Cerina and Hannah tried not to cry. 

The strains of music started again and it clicked for Darren: ‘[Here, there and Everywhere’ by the Beatles](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMyncByZJpU), a personal favorite they had discussed having...at their wedding. Darren gasped as it hit him. Chris, his wonderful, beautiful man had thrown together a wedding for them as a surprise for Darren. He looked at Chris, both of their eyes a little wet as he kissed Chris gently. “I love you so much. Later you are going to have to tell me how you pulled this off.” 

Chris just nodded, a secretive smile on his lips as they walked up the aisle that Darren was just now noticing ran between the tables. At the end was Tim, standing proudly, hugging them both. To Chris he whispered, “Your mom would be so proud of you.” To Darren he gave a very simple smile, then stood before them. “I figured since I did the job the first time, it would be best to bring everything full circle and marry you two for real.” 

“Dad…” Chris whispered, wiping the tears from his eyes. Tim handed him a handkerchief, pale white cloth with their initials embroidered in the corner with a simple heart surrounding them. 

Tim coughed to hold back his own tears while Darren reached for the handkerchief himself, laughing as Chris patted his eyes dry for him. 

“Dearly beloved,” Tim began, “we are gathered here today because these two are so crazy for each other that they just had to get married on this, the most romantic of days. Also because Christopher couldn’t do anything by halves and just had to surprise Darren just to see the look on his face.” Everyone laughed at that, and Darren secretly hoped that someone had gotten a picture of his expression when he realized exactly how far Chris was willing to go for him. “Now, as many of you may know, these two have been married before. By me, at age four. It was adorable, to say the least. Now here we are, twenty something years later and they get to renew those vows and spend the rest of their lives together, just as their parents always knew they would.” 

Darren noticed a copy of the picture showcasing their first wedding was on the table behind Tim where their license was, and if he knew Chris, each table had copies of pictures of the two of them as children. He smiled, thanking the universe and whatever deity was responsible for bringing that cute four year old into his life and then bringing him back so many years later. Chris squeezed his hands as if he knew exactly what he was thinking, knowing how lucky they were to have each other. 

“Now before we proceed, I want to say something,” Tim said, laying his hand over both of their intertwined ones. “This is real this time boys. Marriage is not the fairytale pretend you played at when you were kids. It’s hard work, lots of talking, fighting and hurt feelings. It’s joy and sorrow, tedium and excitement. Don’t enter into it lightly. Are you sure this is what you both want?”

“I have never been so sure of anything in my whole life,” Darren answered, beaming at Chris. He wanted that life, growing old together and figuring it all out with Chris by his side. 

Chris took a deep breath before nodding. “Darren is the only person I have ever wanted to share my life with. I’m sure.” 

“Good. And since I am sure that no one here would want to object to your union, let’s get straight to the vows,” Tim said, almost glaring at the guests, as if daring them to object. 

Darren had a mild panic for a second, but figured he could wing his vows, especially since he knew Chris would rather they come from the heart. Thankfully, Chris went first, their hands remaining clasped between them. 

“Darren, I never thought when we were kids that we would actually end up here. That the sweet boy with the crazy curls would become my real husband. But here we are, and I don’t know why I ever doubted that. You have made the past year so much easier to get through with your love and support. You make me smile and laugh when I never thought I would be able to do so again. You give me strength, and I am so glad to be able to call you mine. I love you so much and have been so proud to stand by your side through all the twists and turns we’ve been dealt. I am so looking forward to whatever is coming next.” 

Darren let the tears fall, seeing Chris was no better and not caring who else saw. No one else mattered in this moment. “Chris...you have been my strength this past year, giving me the courage I so badly needed. You have made sure I always knew how loved I was, even when I began to doubt. When we parted as children, I never would have guessed that I would be so lucky as to find you again and get to be who I was meant to be, with you at my side. I feel so blessed that you are in my life, and I just love you more than words can say.” 

Tim sniffed loudly, furtively wiping at his eyes. “Okay, let’s get to the rings before we all start blubbering and need to actually use the boats.” 

Finally letting go of each other’s hands, Chris extracted their necklaces from the pocket of his jacket, pulling off their engagement rings and putting them on the other’s necklace. He placed his around Darren’s neck and Darren did the same for him. Chuck and Hannah came up, handing them both a new band, which caused Darren to bark with laughter when he saw them. Each ring had a little [gold turtle](http://www.hawaiiantitaniumrings.com/gray-carbon-fiber-embedded-titanium-ring-with-gold-turtle-petroglyph-p-595.html?zenid=3s77n2p28cgvo51aepq3d7q7e6) printed on the side, an homage to their wedding rings from eons ago. Chris gave a little shrug and slid the ring onto Darren’s finger. 

“With this ring, I happily declare to the world that you are my husband.” Darren repeated the words and gesture, then they signed all the necessary paperwork. 

“I now declared that you two are finally legally wed. You may hug.” 

“Dad!”

“Well last time kisses were gross...you two do whatever.”

Chris snatched Darren close to him, dipping him into a kiss that reminded him of the one he had received at the airport after they had gotten together. A cheer went up in the crowd as Tim introduced them and joked that it had better be Darren taking Colfer as Christopher Criss just sounded silly. 

Darren could care less, he was far too busy kissing his husband.  
~

“Which tie should I wear?” Darren asked aloud, holding up a classic black tie in one hand and a snazzy purple tie in the other. Both would look fine with his classic black suit, but the purple would give him the excuse to wear his bedazzled shoes and more fun accents. Yet it was the Oscars, where he was nominated for an actual award, and it might be better to stick to the classic look. 

Chris came up behind him, wrapping his husband in his arms. “Definitely the purple, way more fun and original. Plus then I can wear my silvery blue one and we can be fabulous together. First public appearance since tying the knot, we can’t look boring.” Chris brought his left hand up, placing a kiss against the ring, smiling adoringly at Darren. “Just don’t announce our elopement on the red carpet.” 

Darren laughed and laid out the purple tie, tossing the black one back into the closet, scooping Chris up with a shriek to enjoy some quality shower time with his husband before he had to go back to pretending the perfect creature in his arms was less than his forever. 

In the limo on the way to the ceremony, Darren knew if anyone could see him, they would know he could not wipe the satisfied smile from his face or the sated look in his eyes. Chris looked equally happy, though his throat still smarted a little from his vocal appreciations of Darren’s ministrations. Though, with a smirk, he didn’t figure Darren’s throat was doing much better given his enthusiasm in the shower. 

They pulled up to the Dolby Theatre, walking the red carpet, hand in hand. At each reporter, Darren went on at length about how much he adored the movie, the cast and crew. How the entire process had changed his life, with a smile in Chris’ direction. Yet, true to his word, he kept their recent news to himself, choosing to praise his fellow nominees and giving vague hints as to his next project. Chris smirked, wondering just how the public would react to seeing Darren in the role, quite enjoying being the first audience for seeing him in the costume. Even if he still had a ways to go in order to master the shoes. 

Finally they were allowed inside away from the blinding flashbulbs, from the probing questions and the crush of the crowd. Free to enjoy a nice drink before finding their seats, nestled amongst the cast. Jemma pressed a kiss to his cheek, whispering in his ear that marriage looked good on them both. Though she was a bit put out that she hadn’t won the bet of them marrying over Christmas, she had been delighted to accept an invitation to their wedding. Darren had laughed at the reception when most of the cast grumbling all the while, handed over wads of cash to Lee who crowed in delight at his take. 

They chuckled in all the appropriate places during the opening monologue, hands clutched between them unless they needed to clap politely. Though Darren had been bummed that his song had not been nominated, he took it with grace, humming a little when different songs were performed. When the song he loved the most out of all the nominees won, he gave a whoop. Though then his own category was up, and Darren clenched Chris’ hand tightly, especially when the montage of his performance played. 

The winner of last year’s supporting actress pulled out the envelope, waiting for the music to swell and silence before she said “And the winner is...Darren Criss!” 

Darren sat there in shock for a moment, frozen still as the applause swirled around him, rising to their feet. He could vaguely feel his cast mates slapping his back and Chris pressing a kiss to his lips. He looked at Chris who urged him up on the stage, smiling at his still dazed expression. Darren made it before the microphone, lifting the hefty award and trying to focus in on the eyes of his husband instead of the whole crowd watching him. “Wow. This thing is way heavier than it looks. Umm...Yeah, I never ever thought I would be nominated, let alone win. Thanks to the Academy for either not knowing what real talent is when it comes to all the other nominees or just really liking my love scene. So no speech prepared, let’s wing it! I first off, want to thank the entire cast and crew of the movie, especially our director Mark for just being so supportive of me. I have to send out epic thanks to my agent and manager Duncan, without whom I would never be standing here today. To all the teachers at UMich and my StarKids for making my years there totally awesome. To my brother Chuck for always being willing to run lines with me, to have me tag along to learn every note he would teach me. To my dad for dragging me back and forth to every lesson, every play, every audition. My mom for being such a rock for me, always there to listen or advise or just ensure I was eating enough, _Mahal kita_ Mama. And finally, last but never ever least, to my gorgeous, wonderful husband, Chris. Thank you for loving me, for being there for me through this entire process. For being the best person I know, and for agreeing to marry me, even if the whole wedding thing was all you. Love you babe!”

Darren blew Chris a kiss as he walked off the stage, wondering how much trouble he would be in for giving away their secret, but decided he would be okay, as Chris would never actually kill him, especially not after he just won an Oscar. He, however, did wonder about ways he could grovel and beg forgiveness as he went off to get interviewed about his win. Then he hoped the picture frame showing both their weddings side by side would be a good start in the endless parade of apologies he was sure to be offering in the next few days. Later as he went back to his seat, Chris gave him a slight glare before pressing a kiss to his lips. “You are so lucky I love you.” 

Darren pressed a kiss to his ring. “You know what? I really am.”


End file.
